1. There's No Fooling Around Before Marriage, Because... Government
Ok, so you probably won't get busted for it, but the law is still on the books: “Whoever commits fornication shall be punished by imprisonment for not more than three months or by a fine of not more than thirty dollars.” Although, it might be worth it if you have a couple of double sawbucks in your wallet – you'll even get a tenspot back in change.
2. Hollywood Should Thank Massachusetts For Keeping Them Rich
What do Leonard Nimoy, Elizabeth Banks, Mark Wahlberg, Matt Damon, Kurt Russell, Ed Norton, Uma Thurman, Steve Carrell, John Krasinski, Casey Affleck, Amy Poehler, Matt LeBlanc, Matthew Perry, Connie Britton, Mindy Kaling all have in common with each other, but not with Ben Affleck?
They were all born in Massachusetts. Even though Ben Affleck is synonymous with the Boston area, he was actually born in Berkeley, CA.
3. Dream About The Beverly Hills Of The East Coast
Martha’s Vineyard is the getaway destination for Massachusetts elite—but if you ever get lucky enough to get invited out there you might even get a glimpse of stars like Meg Ryan, Chelsea Handler or even the Commander-in-Chief himself on vacation. Good luck actually buying a place though. Houses can go for more than a million.
4. Massachusetts Might Be Partly To Blame For The Obesity Epidemic
In 1950, the sound of millions pairs of pants expanding was placed purely on the shoulders of Bill Rosenberg, when he opened the first Dunkin' Donuts in Quincy. As of 2011 there were over 10,083 Dunkin' Donuts shops worldwide. Thanks Bill.
5. You'll Find Endless Water And An Accent Challenge
The CoCo Key Water Park Boston North Shore is full of water slides, lazy rivers and a splash pad. It's also the largest indoor water park in New England, located in Danvers.
Plus, pronouncing Danvers is one of the best ways to imitate a Massachusetts accent. “Dehn-vahs.” Try it. It's a good jumping off point for other words.
6. And Speaking Of Talking The Talk
When you move to Massachusetts, be prepared to learn some colorful slang. For instance, potatoes are “b'dayduhs.” And “the balls” is actually a very high compliment. Also, when someone says you need to make a “Cumby's beer run” that means you're headed to Cumberland Farms.
Don't worry, you'll get the hang of it, you big old Chowderhead.
7. Massachusetts Will Get You Drunk
The Massachusetts Wine and Cheese Trail has more than 29 wineries and 18 cheese sellers, across the state. And because the Bay State is so fertile, the wine comes from all different fruits like apples, cranberries, peaches, blueberries, and of course grapes. Grab a map and plan a weekend trip in wine country.
8. You'll Have Plenty Of Home Teams To Root For Now
Be prepared to not change your socks for months on end if that's your lucky superstition, because in Massachusetts you've got your Red Sox (baseball), Celtics (basketball), Bruins (hockey), and the Patriots (football).
Be prepared to yell “Rah, rah, sis boom bah!” until you're hoarse. (Or something more profane, if you're sitting in a bar).
9. Polka? I Hardly Knew Her!
Believe it or not, the Bay State has its own polka, “Say Hello To Someone From Massachusetts, officially named the state’s polka in 1998. You’d better learn the words.
10. Only The Best And Brightest Learn Here
Maybe you’ve heard of these schools: Harvard, MIT, Boston College, Amherst, Cambridge, Wellesley? They’re all ridiculously outstanding, and they’re all in Massachusetts. Think of it like this: Any of the places that your high school class’ valedictorian applied (and probably got into) are right here.
11. You'll Have To Like The Government Sanctioned Dessert
Massachusetts actually has an official dessert, which you might not be surprised to learn is Boston cream pie. And while the “pie” is actually a cake with a pudding center and chocolate ganache frosting, no one really cares enough to correct the title. Mmmm, cakey pie.
12. And You Thought These Guys Were Tacky
The classically tacky pink flamingo lawn ornament is actually a native of Leominster. Sculptor Don Featherstone was hired by Union Products to make it, and he based it off of a National Geographic photo section. So, if you have one on your lawn you're actually supporting legitimate local art.
13. If Dressing Up In Period Costumes Is Wrong, Massachusetts Doesn't Want To Be Right
What do all schoolchildren in New England have in common? Old Sturbridge Village. All you need to do to strike up a conversation with a stranger your age is to say, “Hey, do you remember class trips to Old Sturbridge?”
Yep, they’ll remember the stagecoach, blacksmith demonstrations and especially the adorable farm animals.
14. Massachusetts Is Old School When It Comes To Books
The few independent bookstores left usually don’t poke fun at themselves. But Massachusetts’ most famous one does. The Montague Bookmill's credo is “Books you don't need in a place you can't find.”
Owned by screenwriter Susan Shilliday, who was a patron before buying the store in 2007, this place is full of over-stuffed chairs, poetry readings and live music. Trust me, it has charm to spare.
15. Massachusetts Was The First To Get Curious
The World's Only Curious George Store in Boston is the home for all things inquisitive and simian. Clothes, toys, party favors and books—it was even recognized as the “Best Kid's Books and Toy's” winner in 2013 by the New England bible, Yankee magazine.
16. The Whole Place Is Basically The World’s Largest Museum
Just about every town in this state has some building or other landmark that played an important part in the nation’s history—186 overall. Not only the houses of some of the guys that took the job in the Oval Office (John Adams and JFK, to name a few), but also a site where revolutionary troops gathered and the house where Henry Wadsworth Longfellow wrote most of his bestsellers.
Just a drive around town could help you ace a test on the American Revolution.
17. And You'll Have To Accept The Dirty Little Secret
Maybe some people would rather forget that Massachusetts was perhaps the most well-known site of witch burning, but it's true. And a visit to the Salem Witch Trials Memorial really is a must.
Twenty granite benches with the names of the men and women in Salem who were found guilty of being witches are inscribed there. Each one tells the method of the execution too. Not fun history. But pretty unforgettable.
18. Home To The Original B&B
Longfellow's Wayside Inn is the oldest inn still in operation in the country. They've been in business for 300 years, so they know how to make you feel welcome. Go for the prime rib at the restaurant, but be warned: If you spend the night you may be disturbed by the ghost.
19. Love It Or Hate It, You'll End Up Here For A Concert
Jimmy Buffett, Phish, Dave Matthew's Band—if those sound like epic concerts you need to get yourself to the Xfinity Center (Still known to locals as “Great Woods”).
Just south of Boston in Mansfield, the 20,000-seat arena gets all the big acts when they come to the Bay State. But plan to make it a day trip: Parking can be nightmarish.
20. Warning: You're In Cranberry Country
In southern Massachusetts and Cape Cod there are more than 14,000 acres of active cranberry bogs. It's worth taking a day trip to watch cranberries being harvested—there’s a sort of joyful absurdity to it. It needs to be seen to be believed.
21. You Can See Where Everything Got Started
Pilgrim Memorial State Park sees over one million people a year, with a replica of the original Mayflower boat and enough 17th-century history to make you feel very snug about living in 2014, as opposed to 1620. Yay for indoor plumbing.
22. Massachusetts In Spring Is Daffodilapalooza
New England winters are long, long, long. In Massachusetts people have a particularly exuberant way to celebrate spring—the Nantucket Daffodil Festival. You’ll see more of the cheerful yellow flowers than you ever needed, along with an antique car parade and an awesome tailgate picnic.
