1. The Best Season In Cape Cod Is Actually Winter
All the tourists come to Cape Cod in the summer, which is why locals love and cherish their quiet winters more than any other season.
2. Martha’s Vineyard Is Totally Overrated
Most Cape Codders hear someone mention Martha’s Vineyard and think, “Yeah, been there. Done that. Not worth the ferry ride.” But secretly, the gingerbread houses are totally cool looking.
3. It’s Always Five O’clock If You’re On The Beach
Sand and water somehow make drinking perfectly acceptable at any time of day or night. Those are just the rules of Cape Cod.
4. Everyone Has Worked At An Ice Cream Stand
Cape Cod locals may get annoyed with tourists sometimes, but they are great for one thing—recession proof summer jobs.
5. Getting Paid Under The Table Is Totally Normal
How else are Cape Codders supposed to pay all those twelve year olds with summer jobs? Write them a check for their nonexistent bank account?
6. Scallops Totally Deserve Their Own Festival
The annual Bourne Scallop Festival is quite possibly the most delicious time of the year.
7. Everyone From Nantucket Can Beat You At Your Own Dirty Limerick Game
Because they’ve literally heard every single version in existence at least a dozen times.
8. Outdoor Furniture Is The Best Kind Of Furniture
Cape Codders own an extraordinary amount of wicker furniture. They just might buy the most wicker furniture in the world… although statistics for that are unsurprisingly unavailable.
9. And Cape Codders Hobbies Include Sitting On The Porch
They love it so much that it could be said a good porch is the key to a good life in Cape Cod.
10. The Brewster Book Store Is The Place To Go For More Than Beach Reads
Cape Cod is full of bookstores that cater to the summer crowds, but if you’re looking for more than just bestsellers, nothing beats a book binge at Brewster.
11. If You Ask For Directions Someone Might Flex At You
Cape Cod is shaped a lot like a flexing arm. If someone points near their armpit, they’re showing you where something in the Upper Cape is. Mid-arm is Mid-Cape. The crook of the elbow is the Lower Cape, and the forearm and fist are the Outer Cape.
12. It’s Impossible Not To Feel The Love In Provincetown
Massachusetts was the first state to legalize same-sex marriage, but Provincetown is on a whole other level. It’s a kind of utopia inside a utopia for the LGBT community.
13. If Their Friends Jumped Off A Bridge, A Cape Cod Local Would Too
To the horror of every mother in the world, Cape Cod thrill seekers love to get their kicks by jumping off bridges. It’s dangerous and illegal—so naturally people love doing it.
14. Sandwich Is Not Just A Food
Yes, there’s actually a town named Sandwich, and it’s the oldest town on Cape Cod.
15. Everyone Is Obsessed With Clam Chowder
Probably because Cape Cod clam chowder (say that five times fast) is the best clam chowder in the entire world. And that’s a verifiable fact.
16. If Cape Cod Had An Aesthetic It’d Be Called Quaintcore
There’s a reason everyone wants a taste of Cape Cod. The architecture, friendly people, and sheer amount of seashell art all harken back to a simpler time. Quaint is really the only way to describe it.
17. The Best Way To Get Around Is By Bike
Cape Cod doesn’t just have a ton of awesome nature bike trails, it also has some great bike lanes along the coast so you get the best view ever on your commute.
18. The Greatest Things In Life Are Coffee And Chocolate
And Hot Chocolate Sparrow is the best place in Cape Cod to go for both.
19. Everyone Goes To Sleep At The Same Time As Your Grandma
There’s nothing the people of Cape Cod love more than an early night. When everything closes early, there’s no sense in staying up past ten or eleven anyway.
20. The Only Way To Watch Fireworks Is From A Boat
Like most things in life, fireworks just look even more beautiful when you’re out on the water.
21. Grumpy’s Is About A Thousand Times More Fun Than It Sounds
Grumpy’s Pub is the best kind of dive bar. They’ve got good beer, live music, and prices you don’t have to be a tourist to rationalize, so there’s really nothing at all to be grumpy about.
22. Fish Is The Most Common Art Motif
Cape Cod artists are definitely inspired by their surroundings (not to mention those valuable tourist dollars). Fish, seashells, boats, and water are common motifs… but don’t try to read too far into them.
23. Rotary Roads Are Seriously Not That Confusing
For some reason out-of-towners can’t seem to grasp the concept of a circular road with multiple exits, but honestly, it’s not that hard.
24. Everyone Knows Someone Who Knows Someone Who Knows The Kennedys
Or at least they know someone who knows someone who claims to. On Cape Cod, a Kennedy connection is still valuable social currency.
25. People With Summer Homes Aren’t True Cape Codders
They may know their way around town, but if you’re not a Cape Codder for all four seasons, you’re hardly a Cape Codder at all.
26. Cranberries Are Kind Of A Huge Deal
Cape Codders are cranberry freaks—and with good reason. Cranberries aren’t just a fruit; they’re also a major source of jobs. That’s a big upgrade from just being a kind of juice you mix with vodka if you can’t stand the taste of it.
27. Private Beaches Are The Bane Of Everyone’s Existence
And everyone from Cape Cod has snuck onto a few and gotten caught on a few in their lives.
28. The Pickle Jar Kitchen Is A Little Taste Of Heaven
Nothing can quite describe how incredibly awesome a pickle sampler is at this Falmouth restaurant.
29. Yes, Jaws Was Filmed Here
And yes, there are sharks. But really, giant great white sharks aren’t attacking people all the time. Especially not nearly indestructible sharks with the intelligence of a person.
30. Cape Cod Is Way Bigger Than You Think
Most tourists spend a whole week in one small part of Cape Cod, but locals know there’s a whole lot more ground to cover. A trip from the tip to the bridge can take a couple of hours by car, and it can actually be faster to travel by boat sometimes.
What do you have to explain to out-of-towners about Cape Cod? Tell us in the comments below!
