1. The First Rule About DC Is Walk Left, Stand Right
Everyone in DC is in a rush. Important people with important things to do and even more important places to be. If you’re messing up the flow, you’re nothing but in the way. The faster you adhere to this way of DC living, the faster you will fit in.
2. The Second Rule About DC Is Walk Left, Stand Right
Just in case you didn’t take it seriously enough, it’s worth repeating. It’s really one of the worst unwritten rules to break here and probably the fastest way to make enemies.
3. Don’t Tell Them They’re Not A State
Washington DC was founded in 1790 as the designated capital of the nation on borrowed land from both Maryland and Virginia. So, yes, they’re not technically a state and they know that. Just don’t say that. Nothing is more annoying when they go to make an online transaction and the address bar doesn’t even have an option for DC and makes them pick Virginia.
4. It’s “The District” or Just “DC”
No one from here really calls it Washington DC. If you hear someone say that, it’s safe to assume they’re on a class trip from the Midwest or something. Stick to “DC” or “The District.”
5. No, Nobody Here Knows The President
You’d be amazed at how often locals actually get asked whether or not they know or have met the First Family. The answer is 99.99999 percent of the time an obvious no. Just because you live in Chicago, does that mean that you know Oprah? (If you do, can you give her my number? Thanks!)
6. But Senator Sightings Happen All The Time
You might not ever get up close and personal with the President, but you will find yourself standing in line at Starbucks behind senators and some pretty recognizable politicians and journalists. Some of them are even considered local celebrities.
7. DC Natives Go By Generation
Living here doesn’t make you a native. Being born here is what makes you a native. Finding natives is much harder in certain areas than others. But when you do find one, you can ask how many generations they go back. If their grandparents were born here, that makes them a third generation native.
8. Everyone Else Is A Transplant
Don’t feel bad, though. It’s not a dirty word. A very high majority of the people that you will meet in DC are transplants. They came here to work, make change, and shake things up.
9. DC Is Split Up Into Quadrants
The District is split up into quadrants with the Capitol Building’s rotunda marked as the center. Not all quadrants are the same, and not all quadrants are created equal – both in size and socially. Once you get used to them, it will make getting around a little easier.
10. And Then Subsequently Split Up Into Wards
DC is broken down into four quadrants. Then, in those quadrants, it is also broken up into eight wards. Consider them neighborhoods, rather than wings of a prison as it sometimes sounds.
11. You Could Live Here Your Whole Life And Still Get Lost
The roads here are insanely confusing. No, it’s not just you. It doesn’t matter if you’re brand new here or you’ve lived here for two decades. If you’re going somewhere you’re not entirely comfortable with, chances are pretty good that you’re going to get a little lost.
12. Motorcades Are The Worst
When POTUS is on the move, the motorcades come out. And when the motorcades come out, tempers and road rage soar through the streets.
13. No One Here Is Responsible For Congress
So stop blaming them. They dislike what’s going on (or not going on) on Capitol Hill just as much as you do. Actually, they probably dislike it even more.
14. DC Is Prettiest In The Spring
If you can only make one trip to DC this year, make it in the spring. The cherry blossoms around the city are in full bloom and it’s seriously a sight to behold. You can stop by the Cherry Blossom Festival, too, to enjoy all those petals with some killer food and music.
15. Ben’s Chili Bowl Is Overrated
It’s one of the most popular spots to eat in town…if you’re a tourist. Most people around here don’t go there. The food is good, but the lines are long and it just feels way too overhyped to bother. But a U Street Taco (that’s a loaded hot dog wrapped in a giant slice of pizza) does occasionally sound like an awesome idea at midnight after a few drinks.
16. The Metro Will Get You Around The Fastest
The most efficient way to get around town is to use the metro. No, it’s not entirely perfect, but it’s pretty damn close. I wouldn’t recommend eating off of the floor or anything, but they’re immaculate inside. And the stops are coordinated by color, making navigation even easier.
17. Attention All Locals: Get Thine Self A Smartrip Card Posthaste
You will save money instantly when you get a Smartrip card to use on the metro. An extra $1 is added to the fare for people without it, since usually the people who don’t use it don’t live here (tourists) and don’t know any better. So, get one of these bad boys as soon as you get to town.
18. Metro Escalator Etiquette Rules Apply
Remember that walk to the left, stand to the right rule from earlier? It still applies on the metro escalators. In fact, it probably applies even more on the escalators. Consider the left the passing lane. So, speed it up or move on over. Otherwise, you’re getting knocked down.
19. DC Is As Electric As NYC
DC doesn’t exactly have the bright lights of NYC, but it does have that same amount of electric energy in the air. It’s a different kind of energy, of course. There are fewer artists and wannabe celebrities in DC than NYC, and many more movers and shakers. And even when nothing is really being shaken, you still can’t help feeling like you’re right on the edge of it all.
20. You’ll Never Feel Like The Most Important Person In The Room
And that’s because no matter how important you are, you’re more than likely still not the most important. But, and this is important, actual levels of importance do not stop some people from acting as if they are much more important than they really are. Yes, big egos can run high in the city, but you’ll see those people coming a mile away.
21. Housing Is Crazy Expensive
A lot of people around here will tell you that you can live like a king somewhere else for what it takes to live like a pauper here. That might be a little exaggerated, but only a little. Housing and rent payments are high and apartments fly off the listings fast, making finding a decent place to live around here an extremely frustrating.
22. DC Is Not All Yuppies
Anyone ever heard of Duke Ellington? He’s a DC native. Plenty of wards in The District are filled with culture, and not the white collared, political kind. Branch out and see for yourself. (You’ll be just fine.)
23. That’s Why You Shouldn’t Believe The Flack
There is an assumption that if you’re not on Capitol Hill or at the double gates of the White House, you’re never going to make it out alive. Oh, please. The media has so overhyped the outlying wards of DC. Research each neighborhood thoroughly before moving there, as there is a different ward for everyone’s unique characteristics. But don’t listen to the haters.
24. Living In The VA Or MD Exburbs Does Not Make You From DC
Maryland and Virginia might have given land over to DC, but that doesn’t mean it’s theirs. A lot of people choose to live in the suburbs of VA and Maryland and like to claim themselves as locals, but they’re not. Deal with it.
25. There’s A Football Bar For Every Division Team
Football is a pretty big deal in The District. And because the area is filled with transplants, this isn’t just Redskins country (although mainly, yes.) Luckily, there is a bar for literally every team within the Northeast region. From the Eagles to the Ravens, there’s no such thing as missing a game in The District.
26. You Shouldn’t Have To Pay For Art And History
And here you don’t. People are constantly amazed when they come here that you don’t have to pay for the zoo or the museums – which are way better than basically every other museum, by the way. So, yes, it’s true. Leave your cash at home. Culture is free here.
27. Yes, There Are Two Gates Behind You And The White House Now
Why, you ask? Because stupid people ruin things for everybody else. And the powers that be come up with brilliant plans to fix glitches in the system, such as putting a barricade in front of another barricade. Welcome to DC.
28. It’s Just As Much Southern As It Is Northern
The District is hard to describe. Is it Southern? Well, a little. But it’s also pretty Northern, too. You see, even though everyone is always in a rush here, it never really feels like changes are made very fast, which feels halfway Southern. But the locals and natives have much more of a Northerner coldness than they do Southern hospitality.
29. Ovi And How To Rock The Red
DC might be a melting pot for football fans, but when it comes to hockey, The District is strictly pro Capitals and their hero is Alex Ovechkin.
30. Mumbo Sauce Will Become Your New Condiment Of Choice
It’s kind of like barbecue sauce, only sweeter. Trust me, you’ll develop a taste for it and use it for everything.
31. The Best Place To Eat Is Probably On Wheels
And that’s not saying anything against the restaurants here, because there are a ton of great places to dine out. But the food truck scene in DC is amazing. Easily one of the best in the country.
32. And In Case You Missed It…
Pass on the left, stand on the right. Always.
What have you had to explain to out-of-towners about Washington, DC? Tell us in the comments below! 
