1. People From Scottsdale Love Seeing Their City Pop Up On The Big Screen
Between movies like “Clueless” and shows like “90210”, people in Scottsdale love these movies not just because they solidly cement the “we are set to be the new Los Angeles” belief, but because they all do a really fantastic job of playing up how nice their city is. And if there’s anything people from Scottsdale love, it’s talking up Scottsdale.
2. Everyone In Scottsdale Is Cool With Their City’s Other Name: Snotsdale
Everyone in Scottsdale must have a stable for their high horse. With the number of successful entrepreneurs in the area (oh, it’s only city the fourth-highest income in the state) and students attending amazingly nice private schools (looking at you, Bella Vista), there’s something in the air in Scottsdale. And it’s their noses.
3. Everyone In Scottsdale Has An “I Saw A Tarantula In My Homeroom” Story
When you live in the desert, tarantulas, scorpions and other things with too many legs and scales abound. From the scorpion resting in your toilet to the tarantula that’s just casually in your classroom, it takes a lot for Scottsdalians to be like “NOPE.”
4. Scottsdalians Are Tanner Than God
This is a region where you can apply sunscreen by the bucketful, but you wouldn’t guess it walking down the street in Old Town. All that summertime pool-sitting makes the general complexion Burnt Sienna.
5. Scottsdalians Basically Live By Their Pools
In a city without seasons—where the thermometer dropping below triple-digits is considered a cold front—the ideal form of high school employment is definitely pool boy.
Why, you may ask? Because a Scottsdalians pool is their lifeblood, the only thing that keeps them going in the summer months. Can you imagine a summer without a poolside BBQ or a dip every few days? You might be able to, but Scottsdalians refuse to entertain such a world.
6. Everyone Here Flocks To The Mall—Not For The Stores, But For The AC
Here’s a little insider secret: no matter how many times you hear someone in the Southwest say, “But it’s a dry heat,” you should never believe that they wouldn’t rather be cooling down somewhere.
Enter Scottsdale’s shopping malls, where any cultural anthropologist will find the
Scottsdalius erectus lounging around in their precious A.C. oasis, only occasionally returning to their food court for provisions and the various upscale designer stores for courting apparel.
7. People In Scottsdale Are Happy To Be Compared To L.A. And Vegas
Some people think that “trying to be L.A.” is some kind of insult to Scottsdale. To that, they say, “Yeah, who would want to resemble a city that’s internationally famous for being really beautiful and full of rich people. That sounds so awful.”
Same goes for Vegas.
So, in case you were wondering, Scottsdalians are proud of what their little desert city has become.
8. Scottsdalians All Have “Quick Snake Removal” On Speed Dial
Source: Youtube user risingconviction
If people anywhere else in the country found a bunch of venomous killers hiding in their garage, the first thing they’d need would be fresh pants. Your average Scottsdalian? They grab the rolodex for the exterminator—
again.
9. People In Scottsdale Pack More Heat Than The Desert They Live In
Most of the country associates gun ownership with Texas and the South, but ask any Phoenician and they’ll be like, “Oh yeah, those Scottsdalians and their bang-bang sticks.” Maybe not in exactly those words.
10. People In Scottsdale May Have 99 Problems, But Cash Flow Ain’t One
What’s the best way to get a Scottsdalian’s attention? Real estate futures, investment advice or pretty much anything that means more money. The nouveau-riche of Scottsdale use that term with a tone of respect—they forged their own path and now they’re sitting pretty in the town they built up out of the Arizona desert.
Did we miss anything? Tell us what you think of Scottsdale in the comments below!
