10 Things Only People From San Francisco Will Understand

The author's posts are entirely his or her own and may not always reflect the views of Movoto.

1. It's Not A Real Trip To The Castro Unless You See A Naked Guy

This conversation happened every time someone visited us from New Jersey and we walked to the Castro for lunch, or the the creme brulee truck at the corner of Market and 16th Street: Me: This Creme Brulee is always amazing. Friend: Is that guy naked? Me: I don't know how he makes it so perfectly every time. Friend: Is that his...? Me: Oh yeah, he's naked. Want to go to Hot Cookie? Only in San Francisco.

2. You're A Total Farmers' Market Snob

The San Francisco farmers' markets are the best in the nation. Hands down. I say that because I've been to farmers' markets across the nation (NJ, SoCal, NC, IN, and FL) and my favorites by far are in San Francisco. That's right, San Francisco has so many good farmers' markets that they have my two favorites:

The Ferry Building on the Embarcadero on Saturday
19th Street at the Stonestown Mall on Sunday

The Ferry Building Farmers' market is the be-all and end-all of farmers' markets. I love this place so much I got engaged there (in the back by the water, so that my wife wouldn't be embarrassed). Between the almond bark, the ever present Boccalone, the $13.99/lb cherries, and the prepared foods (the Roli Poli pork sandwiches anyone?) it has everything you could ever want. 19th St is lesser known, but has phenomenal prepared foods. Try a Golden Waffle and a pretzel croissant and I guarantee you'll be back every Sunday. And now that I have you hungry?

3. San Francisco Has So Many Amazing Restaurants You Need Your Own Short List

What is a short list you may ask? It's the set of restaurants that you eat at 90% of the time. Your go to's. Here is my wife's and mine (we lived in SOMA for two years and Twin Peaks for two years):

Brunch -> Chloe's Cafe (Let's get some CROISSANT french toast!)
Ice Cream -> Humphry Slocombe (Secret Breakfast)
GrubHub Chinese -> Crazy Pepper
Fancy Chinese -> Hunan Home
Italian -> Aperto (Bacon & Jalapeno & Tortellini? Oh, yes please.)
Special Occasion -> Kokkari (My Yelp review says it all)
Craving -> San Tung's Dry Fried Chicken Wings
Unheralded Greatness-> Fattoush (Learn what Mansaf is. Hint: it's unbelievable)

You know how I said the short list handles 90% of the load? Here's how you decide on the last 10% of places to try when your parents come to town.

4. And You'll Only Try A Restaurant If It Has At Least 4 Stars On Yelp

Yelp is your food compass. But there's an art to reading a Yelp review. You need to look at the following:

Discount any silly vegan complaining about not enough vegetarian options. They should just eat meat.
Ignore people complaining about service.
Make sure it has over 30 reviews. Anything less is a crap shoot.
Read through the 'Yelp Tips' to confirm the restaurant does one of your favorite dishes well.
And, of course, it needs to have at least 4 stars.

5. You Know Exactly What 'Urban Hiking' Is, Even If You Just Heard Of It For The First Time

My friend mentioned 'urban hiking' and forever changed my understanding of what it's like to get anywhere in San Francisco. Everywhere you go there are hills. I lived on the corner of Clayton and Corbett and it was uphill both ways to Cole Valley and Noe Valley. True story. My daily exercise routine was to climb from Clayton to the top of Twin Peaks. (I'm sweating just thinking about it.) This climb was such a good workout that it was all I had to do to get in shape for my wedding. There are two upsides to all the climbing:

You stay in shape.
There's a better view at seemingly every turn, but...

6. The Secret To Getting The Best Views of San Francisco? Trek Up Mount Tam

Enough said.

7. Your Neighborhood Precedes You

I had to mention that I lived in SOMA and Twin Peaks early on so that you understood my frame of reference for San Francisco. If I told you I live in the Inner or Outer Sunset, then you'd assume that I grew up in the city. If I lived in the Castro then... Noe Valley... The Mission? I don't even need to finish those sentences because they're all crystal clear to a San Franciscan. But in case you've never been here before, the answers are:

Gay
A young family
In tech / hipster

San Francisco has a neighborhood for everyone as long as...

8. You Hate The Dodgers With The Burning Passion Of A Thousand Suns

I don't understand what anyone could like about the Dodgers:

They haven't won anything in over 20 years.
Tommy Lasorda has to be the most annoying person in baseball history.
Posey > Puig

Beach balls at a baseball game? Not getting there until the 3rd inning? What the hell is wrong with these people? We'll just have to take solace in the fact that the Giants have won two world series in the last 5 years. And that LA doesn't even have a football team. :)

9. Avoid Fisherman's Wharf, Lest You Be Eaten By Tourists

The one reason to visit Fisherman's Wharf? Seals. Zomg I love the seals. But besides that, no one living in San Francisco ever goes to the wharf by choice. It's overly crowded, the food isn't particularly good, and it's really expensive. You only go to Pier 35 because your college friends are in town and they want to 'see San Francisco'. When you have to visit the Wharf, you know to go south from the Marina and the bridge to avoid the most touristy parts.

10. At The First Sign Of Warmth, Everyone Goes To The Embarcadero Or Dolores

When it's finally that month of the year when it's warm out (September?), everyone in San Francisco makes their way to the closest park. For people in SOMA, Potrero, and Downtown that park is the Embarcadero. It can be at the park near the random arrow shooting into the ground, the small park closer to AT&T Park with big thing in the middle, or just running along the water. Dolores just gets silly packed. Every hipster from the Mission comes out of their cave, every family from Noe Valley awakens, and everyone in the Castro descends upon it. But the best thing about finally seeing the sun? You'll overlook even more naked people, gorge yourself on multiple farmers' market offerings and generally thank whatever deity you believe in that you get to live in San Francisco.