1. San Antonians Know The Spurs Are The Best Team On The Planet
The Spurs are five-time NBA champs and San Antonio loves them for it.
During basketball season San Antonians show their fandom in a unique way, instead of the usual "howdy" or "hello" friends and neighbors greet each other with an impassioned "Go Spurs Go!"
2. It Is Not, And Never Will Be, Pronounced "San Antone"
Where did this mispronunciation come from, and why won't it just go away already? TV newscasters, get a clue.
When you shorten the name like that, it just makes you sound like a fake movie cowboy and pisses off everyone in a five block area.
The only time it's acceptable to use “San Antone” is if you're writing a country song and you need it to rhyme with “bone”, “moan” or I dunno...“ice cream cone.”
3. San Antonians Know Size Matters -- When It Comes To Your Truck
Trucks, or trocas, as they call them in San Antonio, make the man. Oddly enough, it's not the ladies who decreed this, but rather the gentlemen.
The Texas edition Ford F-150 is the official mascot of San Antonio men (Chevy Silverado is a close second).
If you aren't sporting a V8 under the hood, you just aren't stacking up against your bros, and that's not all: you can't be driving in something that just came off the lot--the only way to reach truck nirvana is to customize that baby until there's more chrome than bodypaint.
4. But When Fiesta Rolls Around, You Leave Your Truck At Home Or Drive In Circles For Eternity
San Antonians, like true Texans, prefer to drive everywhere.
During Fiesta time, however, when several million tourists flood the city and parking is scarcer than beans in a bowl of real Texas chili. San Antonians know that even the itty-bittiest compact car ain't gonna make it through that crowd.
5. The Sweet Joy Of Smashing An Egg Over Someone's Head
Fiesta does have its compensations, though, chief among them the pure pleasure of cracking a cascaron on your neighbor's noggin. Or a total stranger's noggin, for that matter.
In return, however, you're bound to have your own cranium covered with confetti, which will defy any shampoo you choose to use and linger in your hair for days to come.
6. You Can Take The Summer Heat Better Than Anyone Else In The Country
No-one would deny that San Antonio is hot, hot, hot. In the summertime, high-90s temps are the average, and you can go a week or more without seeing the midday mercury dip below 100.
When most out-of-staters think of Texas heat, though, they picture it as a bone-dry desert blast. Not so in San Antonio, where the river that runs through town practically guarantees days so humid you feel like Satan is giving you a sponge bath.
7. Where To Find The Haunted Train Tracks And Donkey Lady Bridge
The haunted train tracks? Oh those are the ones on Shane, right where they cross over at Villamain. Yeah, supposed to have been a wreck there back in the ’30s, when a train hit a school bus full of kids.
If you're really brave, maybe you've even parked your car in neutral right on the tracks and waited for the ghost kids to push you out of the way of any oncoming trains. (Me, I'm a bit reluctant to put my life in the hands of an elementary schooler, spectral or not.)
8. You Know There's Only One Right Answer To Life's Biggest Decision: Corn Or Flour?
In San Antonio, everything is served either on a tortilla, or with tortillas on the side. You can, if you like (and who wouldn't) eat tortilla meals three times a day.
Breakfast tacos, carnitas for lunch, carne asada for dinner—yum!
Oh, and that local convenience store fusion fave, the “polaco taco,” which is a polish sausage wrapped in a tortilla.
9. That Chips And Salsa Are Their Own Major Food Group
After spending any amount of time in San Antonio, you come to expect chips and salsa with every meal, and you feel practically ripped off when even the swankiest steakhouse refuses to offer them.
You also know that the little bowl of green thingies in the middle of the table does not contain pickles.You won't always be too quick to explain this to friends visiting from N.Y.C., though, since it's just so darn funny to watch them bite into a nice hot jalapeno!
10. Being Inside Or Outside The Loop Has Nothing To Do With Gossip
It's just a geographic locator, that's all. The Loop in question is the 410 Loop, and if you're inside it, you're closer to the action. Outside it, closer to the 'burbs.
It's the age-old city/suburb debate, with each one having its advantages and disadvantages. Tomato, Tomahtoe, so long as they both end up in the pico de gallo. And wherever you end up loopwise, there really is no better place to call home then San Antone… just kidding, San Antonio!
