1. Every Speakeasy Should Have A Secret Bar
Portland has a secret portal to Narnia--if by Narnia you mean an amazingly authentic speakeasy bar. Behind a clandestine bookshelf in Circa 33 lies the secret bar—and that’s where you really want to be, right? After all, you’re in Portland, empire of the hipsters. Enjoy darts, pool and pour a progressive one out for the old fogies who lived in a time without legal alcohol access.
2. The Woodstock Mystery Hole Will Boggle Your Mind (And Nose)
Don’t let the suspect name dissuade you (or do, whatever, you’re just missing out), the Woodstock Mystery Hole, an roadside attraction off of I-205, features “Enchanting Vapors of Encouragement“ that help the smeller find love, healthy and lots of money, an arch full of strange engravings and A Door That Has Never Been Opened. The cause for the vapors, the origin of the door, and the purpose of the hole itself, according to the folks who run this attraction, are lost to time immemorial.
3. The Peculiarium Is Pretty...Well, You Know
Portland’s Freakybuttrue Peculiarium is a what’s what of weird. Currently featuring an exhibit about a diseased zombie brain, the Peculiarium caters to, and will horrify, all six of your senses. If you’ve ever wondered where Bigfoot really is, what the inside of an extraterrestrial looks like, or just had a healthy affection for all things Lovecraftian, this spot is worth at least a couple visits.
4. A Secret Park Smack In The Middle Of The City
Back in the 60’s, landscaper Lawrence Halprin set out on a project to build a number of urban open spaces in Portland. The flagship one? The recently restored Lovejoy Plaza, featuring a striking staircase-shaped fountain. You’ll need a map to find this particular spot, however--completely invisible from the street, alleyways between the buildings at 3rd Ave and Harrison lead you to this stunning space.
5. Mini Golf + Blacklight + Pirates = Only In Portland
What have we always said was missing from miniature golf courses? Yeah, that’s right, blacklight. Glowing Greens is a hole-in-a-wall 18 holes-in-the-ground spot that combines a weekend family outing with all-out rave décor, located off of Taylor Street (and down some customarily long staircases). Did I mention it’s also pirate-themed?
6. Learn About The Dark Side Of Rose City
Back during Prohibition, another “popular” illegal activity was to shanghai unsuspecting folks and force into service on eastbound ships. As unpleasant a subject as it is, the Portland Underground features a very cool walking tour through the bowels of the city, attempting to lend credence to these rumors. At the very least, it’s a truly spooky trip through the city’s history.
7. Elk Rock Garden Might Just Fool You Into Thinking You’re In Scotland
Any anglophile will get a kick out of the Elk Rock Garden, after a rewarding trek down 43. With a magnificent view of Mt. Hood, this garden’s original caretaker, Peter Kerr, was a Scottish businessman whose wife was one of Portland’s first professional golfers. The edifice here is even modeled after Scottish manors. There’s no dress code, but if you want to bring a kilt, I mean, go for it.
8. This Vacuum Museum Does Anything But Suck
Ha. Get it? This is one of the few places in the world that will clear up any questions you ever had about the history of this classic cleaning apparatus. The Stark Vacuum Museum features such curiosities as the BusyBee, a two-person operation (one pumps, the other cleans), the is it-a-vacuum-or-a-rocket-ship models from the 1960s and throwbacks from the 1800s. Word is still out on whether Queen Victoria used one.
9. Only In Portland Could VHS Be Relevant—And Awesome
How many times have you remembered some awesome movie from your childhood and thought “man, that probably only still exists in someone’s basement on VHS.” Enter Movie Madness, the dream of prodigal industry veteran Mike Clark, whose impressive VHS film collection is as storied as his years in the biz. As of 2007, Mike owned 80,000 titles packed into 6000 square feet, so if you can find a VHS player somewhere, his collection will satisfy your auteur-istic needs.
10. Don’t Blink Or You Might Miss The World’s Smallest Park
After looking both ways at the intersection of Taylor and Naito Parkway, you can reach the small planter near the riverside. Why would anyone bother with this decorative median strip? Well, it’s actually a park—the Guinness-certified smallest one, to drop a big name. Take a quick pic, hang out for however long you want, although there’s really only room for two, max, so be gracious to any other visitors.
11. You’ll Feel Like A Hipster Czar At Rimsky-Korsakoffee
Rimsky-Korsakoffee is the best one-room coffee shop with a name pulled out of a Tolstoy story you’ll find in Portland, if you can find it. The house itself, with no sign outside to advertise the spot, is hidden by heavy foliage. But when you’re in, the eclectic, spooky atmosphere is worth the search. Enjoy the music, have some pie, sip some coffee and watch out for the “haunted” tables—they change height, disappear into the wall, and rumble.
12. Steal Away To The Secret Stairwells
If you thought Portland was a fantastic pedestrian city before reading this article, get ready to have your mind blown. Portland actually has a number of staircases that connect different streets. These moss-grown stairwells run up right against houses with verdant trees providing much-needed shade in the summer and shelter from the rain. Keep your eyes peeled on SW 12th Ave, SW Broadway, and Lewis and Clark Circle.
13. This Might Be The Cutest Lighthouse You See All Day
Another great hiking trip is the Warrior Rock Light—only one of two lighthouses in Portland not on the Pacific Ocean, and one of the smallest lighthouses in the whole world. The hike itself is seven miles along the beach, with some cuts through the cottonwoods along Saukie Trail and awesome views of this cute little ship-saver, along with a chance to get up close and take a well-deserved breather.
14. The Witch House Is The Prime Spot For The Next “Blair Witch Project”
Okay, the other two haunted spots in this list are tame compared to the long, typically bloody story behind the Witch’s House in the Forest Park area. A guy named Danford killed a man who eloped with his teenage daughter, and then he escaped from jail and was hanged. This spot is a stone building built near the Balch cabin where much of this sordid action went down. At night, some have claimed to see ghosts fleeing or even fighting. Pretty freaky.
Did we miss anything? Tell us your favorite secret spot in Portland in the comments below! 
