The author's posts are entirely his or her own and may not always reflect the views of Movoto.
1. Orlandoans Love To Point And Laugh At Tourists
And they don't think your fanny pack is sexy. That being said Orlandoans do think the great food, entertainment, thriving arts scenes, and cultural attractions in their city
are sexy. When it comes to work, play and dining, they prioritize local, independent, interesting and unique. To experience the city locals know and love, you have to venture north of the big, long kitschy tourist trap called International Drive.
Also, tourists dress funny.
2. Traffic in Orlando Can Drive You To Commit Hara-Kiri
Hop in your car at the wrong time or attempt to commute during rush hour, and yeah, ritual suicide courtesy of self-disembowelment quickly starts to have a certain appeal. Traffic in and around Orlando is often maddening, with I-4 famous for its ability to inflict exquisite torture. Some of the problem is that Orlando has a car-centric culture, a tendency toward sprawl, and the theme parks add a ton of traffic. So, it's not uncommon to see drivers with their foreheads resting on their steering wheels in utter defeat.
3. Also... Orlandoans Suck At Driving
Want to go somewhere where you can be a wide-eyed muttering agoraphobic rocking back and forth in the corner and not seem too weird? Try Orlando, the most dangerous place in the U.S. to drive.
The CDC cites the city for the nation's highest car-crash mortality rate per capita (Miami, Tampa and Jacksonville also make it onto the top 10 list--Florida really knows how to represent). It probably has something to do with the fact that Orlando drivers apparently don't know what the numbers on speed limit signs mean, and there seem to be a lot of blind-spot atheists who can't be bothered to look before they change lanes.
So what are you going to do? Walk instead? Not unless you want to play the human version of "Frogger." For over a decade, the Orlando Metro area has been singled out by a number of government and nonprofit organizations as the most dangerous place in the country for pedestrians.
4. Orlandoans Know How To Get Their Tech Nerd On
You took their lunch money, now they're taking your jobs, and they're doing it from here. Drop in a coffee shop or even a bar, and you're bound to notice young techies tapping away at the latest laptops and tablets and showing off their favorite gadgets and apps--the ones they're designing--to everyone at the table.
Techie.com called Orlando one of "the country's most innovative and creative tech hubs." "Scientific American" put the city at No. 2 on a recent list of top 10 U.S. cities for technology. "Wired" ranked it No. 5 of the "Top 10 Tech Towns." The University of Central Florida and Full Sail University keep the city stocked with fresh tech talent, many of whom head right to the area's many gaming and other tech companies.
5. Orlandoans Are Real Flag-Wavers--Rainbow Flags, That Is
Even Mickey's known to throw on a pair of leather chaps around here. Orlando regularly makes it onto the The "Advocate's" list of 15 Gayest Cities in America, with appearances as high as No. 2 in 2012. Some criteria include: the number of LGBT elected officials, LGBT bookstores, and the number of semifinalists the city sends to the International Mr. Leather Competition.
The city flew in the face of the state's gay marriage ban, approving same-sex domestic partner registries and expanding their legal rights. Disney World throws the huge annual Gay Days festival, but year-round, Orlandoans celebrate equality. The vibrant out-and-proud crowd takes part in numerous LGBT sports leagues, dance the night away at the many LGBT nightclubs, support their own LGBT newspaper ("Watermark"), and always manage to cram the Orlando International Fringe Theater Festival full of LGBT-themed content.
6. Orlando Magic Fans Serve Up The Whine With Their Cheese
What do you call an Orlando Magic player with a championship ring? A thief. The team's never won a championship game, and man do folks in this city lament the fact. But it's not just because the team doesn't have what it takes... oh no... fans love to cry about how the referees are so unfair and out to get them.
The dynamic was well encapsulated in 2010, when a ref threw a ball at a heckling fan, who then threw it right back at him. In defense of the victimized Orlandoans, though, they don't have their own MLB, NFL or NHL team, so there's not much else to cling to besides their NBA franchise.
7. Orlandoans Are A Bunch Of Tofu-Eating Veggie Lovers
Hell, they even eat tempeh, those "delightful" chunks of fermented soy.
Orlando has an active, passionate and cohesive vegetarian and vegan community. Per capita, it has an impressive number of restaurants specializing in veg-friendly and veg-only fare. The annual Central Florida Veg Fest, one of the largest gatherings of its type in the country, is a pivotal event for the community, bringing in upwards of 15,000 people from across the nation. Orlando's Central Florida Earth Day celebration attendance numbers peak even higher. Be sure to check out Dandelion Communitea Cafe, a hubs of the city's vegetarianism, veganism and locavorism. Also, Winter Park's Ethos Vegan Kitchen is a must-eat stop.
8. Orlando Clubbers Are The Worst...The Worst
Fake tans, sickening miasmas of cheap cologne, spiky over-gelled hairdos, hideous tight button-down shirts, jingling bling, drunken stupidity--you get the picture. Hit downtown Orlando's Central Business District any time after about 9 p.m., and you can sample all these wonders of city life.
The CBD may be the center of professional life during the weekdays, but this area's packed with nightclubs and overrun with clubbers every night, and to a downright disturbing extent on the weekends.
9. Orlandoans Sho' Love Pho
Some cities have Chinatown, others have Little Italy. Some even think they're so cool because they have both. But for the people of Orlando, it's all about the Mills50 District, where "Little Saigon" thrives. The area has long been home to a substantial population of Vietnamese and other East Asians, and they've set up shop and lots of great restaurants serving authentic foods from their homes.
Every true Orlandoan has a favorite spot for pho. If you don't know, this soup, traditionally containing long rice noodles, meat and a few herbs, is a staple of Vietnamese cuisine. There are plenty of variations, of course, including tofu substitutions for all the veggie folk in town. Perennial favorites for locals include Pho 88, Anh Hong, Lac Viet, Little Saigon and Pho Vinh.
10. "Seasons?" What Is This Strange Word Of Which You Speak?
My sweat stain's bigger than your sweat stain. Orlandoans even take their shirts off and wring out the underarms over their heads to cool down. OK, I made that up, but it's hot here, and there isn't much in the way of seasonal changes.
From May through September, highs hit the upper 80s and 90s with oppressive humidity often pushing the heat index over 110 degrees. During the rest of the year, mornings and nights range from cold to warm, but average highs still make it into the 70s or 80s.
There isn't much in the way of beautiful changing golden foliage, and don't hold your breath for a glimpse of a white wintry wonderlandscape. If you want a white Christmas, you'll have to settle for the questionable substitute so common around here-soap suds. The theme parks and various city and neighborhood organizations love to host "snow" events around the holidays that involve blasting wads of soap bubbles all over the street. Probably the only thing stranger than the practice is just how many people gather around in it.
What can I say, Orlandoans are just a little nuts like that. From driving dangerously, to sleazy club attire, to shaking their fists at the sky over their beloved Magic, to making soap sud angels, Orlandoans have their own unique ways, and they have no intention on changing.
Featured Image Source: nickel.media
