15 Signs You’ve Lived In Kalamazoo Too Long

1. You Don’t Bother Looking Up The Weather Anymore Because You Know It’s As Reliable As A Shady Politician

You’ve experienced flash floods, heat waves and snow. In one day. You’re a master of the art of layering and your car or backpack doubles as a second closet. Looking up the day’s forecast has become more of a guideline on preparedness than what you can actually expect.

2. You Rarely Leave Town To Catch Amazing Live Music

While you still harbor a burning flame for Kraftbrau and you experience the occasional pang of lust for the days of Club Soda, you never long for live music. Though the venues have changed, the quality music scene that pulses throughout Kalamazoo has not. Sure, you may have to leave town to catch a chart-topping band, but you know that the local music scene is just as (if not more) satisfying.

3. You’re Booked The First Friday Of The Month… Every Month

Maybe it’s because you truly appreciate art or maybe it’s because your friend’s work is in a gallery. It could be that you’ve created a detailed mental map of the vendors that always serve free wine. Though the exact reason may vary from month to month, one thing remains constant: you always go to Art Hop.

4. Kalamazoo’s Characters No Longer Surprise You

The sight of a grown man rapping loudly while dressed as Spongebob, the Pink Panther, Captain America or whatever his new costume happens to be has grown so commonplace, you now either greet Ronnie by name or just let him go about his day. Long gone are the days of bewilderment; you know Ronnie and all of the other city’s characters are harmless.

5. Another Brewery? Mmkay

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With so many beer-centric businesses opening, you don’t even bat an eye at a new one. You simply add it to your list of places to frequent.

6. You’ve Been Found In The Kalamazoo Valley Museum Playing In The Children’s Museum… Without Children.

It may be a child’s exhibit, but you know that just means that it’s fun. You don’t need children with you to explore light energy or test Newton’s Laws of Motion. Of course, you know to let the children there go first and you definitely keep the creepy level at zero. But no one said you aren’t allowed to have fun every once in a while–and those exhibits are enjoyable at any age.

7. The Minor Leagues Are Anything But Minor To You

It doesn’t matter if you’re more of a hockey person than a baseball person or vice versa, you know the minor leagues are anything but. Frugal Fan Fridays (hello $1 hot dogs and beers!) probably helped pique your interest and may be responsible for your inability to remember who won or even played the next day, but you still keep going back. Pink ice for Valentine’s Day?! You know that’s a sight to be celebrated and definitely not missed.

8. You Know Your Local Farmers

Kalamazoo, once known as the Celery City, has a history of fertile farming land. So it makes sense that you know your local farmers. Whether it’s from shopping at the 100-Mile Market, the Farmers Market or the People’s Food Co-Op of Kalamazoo, you revel in the localvore’s delight that is your city.

9. You Don’t See The Need To Travel In The Summer

With a festival, parade, or fair happening practically every weekend in the summer, you see no need to leave Kalamazoo in the summer. Unless you’re headed to the lake (you don’t call it Lake Michigan anymore). In which case, you accordingly make a 45-minute playlist—which is exactly the length of the drive to the beach.

10. But When You Do Travel, You Fight Rolling Your Eyes While Explaining Where You’re From

Yes, Kalamazoo is a real place and yes, it does have a funny name. You’re ready with the answers to strangers’ questions before they’re even asked. The only thing you struggle with is not rolling your eyes as soon as the city-name related questions start.

11. You Know The In’s And Outs Of The Kalamazoo Promise

Which, you should, considering it that it means FREE COLLEGE. Free college is enough incentive to have everything regarding the Kalamazoo Promise memorized.

12. You’ve Gotten Eccentric In Less Than Five Minutes Using Things Only From Your Closet

Bell’s Eccentric Night is supposed to bring out the wild and crazy side of yourself. If that takes you less than five minutes, maybe you’ve gotten just a little too comfortable in the open community of Kalamazoo.

13. You Have At Least One Friend That Is A Poet/Writer

The literary waters run deep in Kalamazoo. With such a fostering environment for writers, it’s entirely possible that you’re chatting with the next Pulitzer Prize winner while you’re waiting in line for a latte.

14. You Know The Schedule Of The Sculpture Changes In Bronson Park

From Candy Cane Lane in the winter to the summer birth of the giant flower peacock named Mike, you no longer need a calendar or news article to know of their arrival. Which is great, because you get dibs on the first Instagram pictures with them.

15. What Sweet Smell?

In a city once known for producing most of the world’s peppermint, the sweet smell was once overwhelming. Though the amount grown and processed has gone down, the sweet minty smell is still wafts through the streets and fills the air. Of course, you’ve grown so used to it you only notice it when visitors ask you about it or if you’re chewing gum. Did we miss anything? Tell us how you can tell someone’s been in Kalamazoo too long in the comments below!