Although many residents would agree that Kalamazoo is a wonderland in it’s own right, it is indeed a real-life place. Locals are so used to answering the question, “Wait, it’s a real place?” that they’re completely unfazed when it happens.
And that’s K-Zoo, absolutely not Kazoo. Everyone might love the name Kalamazoo, but it’s still a mouthful. It is also acceptable to call it the 269.
People in Kalamazoo love craft beer, and the city has been considered one of the leaders in the craft beer explosion. And you don’t get that reputation with just a few good bars. There are breweries, brewpubs, and festivals all over this city, one of the best being Bell’s Brewery.
If you love root beer, you’re really going to love Kalamazoo. The Root Beer Stand is going on its 85th year and has become a landmark in its own right. It closes in the colder months, so don’t be surprised when you see a long line running down the sidewalk come spring. Everyone has been dreaming of root beer floats for months.
You’ll wait all winter for spring for many reasons. But one of those reasons is for your first case of Oberon of the year. As soon as you see these hit the shelves, grab a case. Or two. Or ten. You’ll be happy you did on those cold winter days.
There are only three rules at the Beer Exchange: buy low, sell high, and keep drinking. It’s based on the same principles of the stock market. When a beer’s popularity spikes, so does its stock, and hence it’s price. But that also means that the current less popular brews, which are still awesome, bottom out and you can get them for dirt cheap.
Eventually, you’re going to run into Boombox Ronnie. He can usually be found hanging out in the area of Oakland and Michigan dressed up as Spongebob, Captain America, or The Pink Panther while he raps. Everybody knows him or knows of him. He’s become the local mascot, leave him be.
It’s cold, sure. But that’s not what really gets you. It’s the wind. The wind will knock you down and take your breath away.
Hell, Michigan is a two hour drive away, which is just about as fun as saying you live in Kalamazoo.
Extreme weather patterns aren’t just exclusive to coldness. You can wake up on a May morning to weather in the 30s and be sweltering in humidity in the 70s by mid-afternoon. Learn to love layers.
Now that we’ve got the wind out of the way, there’s the issue of the snow. You see, unless you’ve dealt with lake effect snow, then you really don’t know just how crazy snow can get. It’s not always that bad, but when it is, it reaches proverbial bananas level. And, by the way, that snow picture was taken a month before winter even starts.
The K-Zoo Lost Its Zoo sounds like the sequel to The Lorax, but sadly, it’s true. The Milham Park Zoo closed all the way back in 1974.
And it is every bit as awesome as it looks. Almost awesome enough to make you forget that there isn’t a regular zoo.
But this is a zoo where the cupcakes aren’t kept in cages beyond your reach. You can walk away with all the confectionary goodness that your heart desires.
Trick question. There is no exact answer. Not in Kalamazoo anyway. The legendary Sweetwaters Donut Mill churns out gourmet varieties like Reese’s, New York Cheesecake and Snickers.
Just don’t go swimming in it. Or fish from it or drink directly from it. There are some Superfund issues due to factories in the area. It’s not something to get worked up over, just keep your baths confined to your bathtub.
Every once in a while you’ll get a whiff of something peculiar. It might smell like boiled broccoli sometimes, other times it smells like garbage. It’s the factories, and it’s very dependent on which way the wind is blowing, but if you do happen to catch a whiff, just know that smell is money being made.
Did you know if you go to school in Kalamazoo and you earn good grades, then you’re able to go to college for free? You read that right. You sign up in your freshman year of public high school and if you maintain the mandatory GPA, you can receive four years of college tuition and fees, fully paid for. Boom.
You better get used to Broncos. West Michigan University’s fanbase isn’t messing around. They’re loud, they’re passionate, and they really love their Broncos. So, it’s probably easier if you just start loving Broncos, too.
The Henderson Castle is one of the coolest architectural landmarks in the city. You won’t find any royalty there, but it is a bed and breakfast, so you can stay there whenever you want and pretend to be Marie Antoinette as you soak in the hot tub on the roof, overlooking all of the peasants of the city.
You might be surprised when you get here to see just how many one way streets there are, especially downtown. But once you get the hang of them, you’ll realize they make it much easier to get around. Unless you pass your turn, of course.
Kalamazoo has a love for the blues and they show it every year at their annual Kalamazoo Valley Blues Festival. This two day event filled with over 20 live bands will have you singing the blues in no time, too.
The music love doesn’t stop at the blues. The Island Festival celebrates all of the best of reggae, bringing a unique and fun music event to the city and tourists from all over to experience it, rasta-style.
The Gilmore Car Museum is just a short drive outside of city limits and where you’ll find one of Michigan’s largest collections of classic and vintage cars. To put it simply, even Jay Leno is jealous.
The people in Kalamazoo like to keep things fresh. You can find the People’s Food Co-Op of Kalamazoo for locally grown seasonal food. Or head to the 100 Mile Market every Wednesday in the warmer months through October to feed you with food straight from the farm. What have you had to explain to out-of-towners about Kalamazoo? Tell us in the comments below!
