1. Every Day Starts With A Trip To Dunkies, Or You Might As Well Just Stay In Bed
No. Seriously. Every day.
2. Being Called A Masshole Has Become A Point Of Pride
Others may call you a reckless, rage-filled, homicidal maniac on the road, but to you it’s just driving with a sense of purpose. Flipping the bird and horn honks are way more effective than blinkers and yielding. And stopping for yellow is so overrated.
3. You Talk About The Red Sox All The Time And Don’t Even Realize It
You talk about sports more than the weather. And in a city where snow, ice, and freezing temps can wreak epic havoc, that’s a pretty big deal. You are die-hard for all your teams, win or lose.
This is Red Sox Nation, so you live and breathe and die Red Sox. Your pets (and maybe children) are named in honor of all things Red Sox. But the undying, unyielding love and devotion don’t stop there.
Yes, you can cite Red Sox facts off with computer-like precision, but it’s not enough. You are also a compendium of information on the Bruins, able to cite off hockey statistics like recalling what you just had for breakfast. Patriots and Celtics? You got them too. You are so sports-crazed you even keep up with the soccer team.
4. You Actually Know How To Drive On A Rotary, And Roll Your Eyes At Those Who Can't
You have mastered the art of the rotary. It is pesky, useless, and no one else seems to know how to function while in one, but you have accepted the fact that they aren’t going anywhere anytime soon and you’ve got places to be.
5. You Have Become Strangely Passionate About Duck Sauce
When you eat Chinese food, you put duck sauce on everything. The real kind, not the orange-yellow junk in packets. And if you knew how to make it, you would bottle it and carry it around with you everywhere.
6. Your Idea Of Sticking To A Budget Is Pregameing Before Going To The Bar
This Puritan business of no happy hour is ridiculous! Who can afford a night out without a few budget drinks to kick off the night? You because you have mastered the art of pregaming.
You sling back a few bevvies before heading out to the bars, then close out the evening at somebody’s house for a nightcap.
7. Tourists Putting On A Boston Accent Is The Most Annoying Thing On The Planet
If the next out-of-towner asks you if you “pahked the cah in hahvahd yahd,” you might just pahk your fist in their face.
You feel compelled to educate these poor non-Bostonians in the fact that, contrary to popular belief, everyone in Boston doesn’t speak with that accent. In fact, that accent is mostly only heard in Southie, where you suggest they visit on St. Patrick’s Day wearing orange.
8. Second Only To New Transplants Trying To Claim They’re A Local
People who say they are from Boston when, in fact, they are not-- it’s just plain wrong. No, living in the state of Maine is not “being from Boston.” Malden and Medford aren’t “Boston” any more than New Orleans is “Boston.” No disrespect to the suburbanites, but just the facts, ma’am.
9. You Have Become A Weather Defying MacGyver
Six inches of snow… nice try Mother Nature! That’s just a “dusting” to you, now.
You have an ice scraper in your car, maybe even two, just for good measure. And sand bags in the trunk of your car are the perfect way to address rear wheel drive. And if you don’t you have the know how to fashion what you need from whatever is in your glovebox.
10. A 100 Square Foot Apartment Seems Like Too Much Space Now
You have grown accustomed to your cramped apartment that’s too small because you know that getting an apartment is like being selected to meet with the pope—except it’s not that easy.
And getting an affordable apartment is like seeing a unicorn. It just doesn’t happen. But who cares, this closet-sized apartment is all the space you really needed anyway… right?
11. The Thought Of Living Anywhere Else Is A Joke
As far as you are concerned, Boston is the center of the universe, and you aren’t afraid to tell everyone who will listen that your city is, hands down, the best place on Earth to live.
It totally is though. Just sayin’.
Feature Image Source: Flickr user Second Glass
