1. When You’re Watching The Game, You’ll See A Lot More Faces That Look Like This
As you watch everyone around you stew in their own misery, you’ll wish that you could be back home to celebrate the win with the best fans on Earth. Because that’s what Boston does. It wins. At everything.
2. You Must Change Your Understanding Of The Words “Weather Emergency”
There are plenty of weather emergencies out there. They’re just not always what a Bostonian would define as emergency. Sometimes, they’re literally just flurries.
3. They Will Keep Asking You To Say “Park The Car At Harvard Yard”
And everyone who does it will act like they’re really original and super hilarious. They’re not, but it’s not okay to punch people, so just smile and ignore them for the rest of their lives.
4. They Will Then Be Epicly Disappointed When You Don’t Have The Accent
Explaining that not everyone from Boston has the stereotypical Boston accent is almost as exhausting as pretending not to hate everyone that feels the need to ask you about it. But if you do have it, be prepared for a never-ending loop of number three.
5. People Will Question Your Sanity Over Your Love For Tom Brady
Why, yes. That is a family portrait next to an autographed photo of Tom Brady on the mantle. You will receive endless weird looks for this, but you’re still not seeing the problem. It’s not even from when he had his long hair.
6. Finding Another Bostonian Is Like Winning The Lottery
Words can’t express the sheer joy you will feel when you run into someone else from Boston, but basically you’ve just found yourself your new best friend.
7. Haters Are Really Gonna Hate
You’ll quickly find out just how much outsiders dislike Boston teams when you’re wearing your gear out in public. People aren’t shy about their hate. But it won’t bug you that much because being hated in sports usually means you’re winning.
8. No One Cherishes Dunkin’ Quite Like You Do
Your love for Dunkin Donuts is an unwavering bond between you and your extra cream, extra sugar coffee. Others will try to make you love Starbucks or any popular convenience store brand, but you know better. Hold your ground.
9. Munchkins Aren’t Common Party Food
The fact that Dunkin Donuts isn’t as popular elsewhere also means that bringing a box of Munchkins to a party would be considered the strange choice, not the obvious choice.
10. Good Luck Finding Lime Rickeys
It is possible depending on where you are, but it’s going to be a hunt. Master the recipe yourself before you leave to avoid the withdrawal.
11. You’ll Miss Being Able To Use The Citgo Sign To Stumble Home
Good luck trying to get home using Google maps when you lost your phone at the bar.
12. Everyone Thinks You’re Using “Wicked” Ironically
And they’re “totally” not abusing “totally” either.
13. Boston Jokes Are Only Funny In Boston
You’re used to Bostoners poking a little fun at fellow Bostoners. It’s all in good fun, you do it, too. But as soon as an outsider tries, the gloves come off.
14. You’ll Have To Specify What Kind Of Chowder You Want
Because apparently people everywhere else have to be told how to do it right repeatedly.
15. You Won’t Have Off Work For St. Patrick’s Day
No other city turns quite as green as Boston does. Other cities think they throw the best St. Patty’s Day bash but that’s only because they’ve never been to Boston. This is right around the time you start deeply regretting your decision to leave.
16. “History” Museums Will Leave You Grossly Underwhelmed
Oh, you’ve been around since the late 1700s, San Francisco? Well, aren’t you adorable!
17. People Actually Think “Water Fountain” Is A More Accurate Word Than “Bubbler”
Which makes no sense, because water fountains are the things outside with statues and a pool to throw pennies in.
18. Your Life Will No Longer Revolve Around The MLB Schedule
Going to games in other stadiums never really fills you with the same roller coaster of emotions that takes you from the brinks of depression to jumping on the back of the guy in front of you in excitement.
19. Other Cities Aren’t As Quick To The Punch
When someone makes a joke about Boston, locals will take it, chew it up, flip it around, and spit it back out even better before you know what hit you. Most other cities just whine that they’re getting made fun of. Sounds like naptime.
20. Ice Skating Just Isn’t Ice Skating Without Frog Pond
Or any pond skating for that matter. Most other cities will make you skate indoors like a bunch of invalids.
21. You Can’t Find North End Pizza Anywhere Else
Oh, shut up already, New York. We get it. You’re awesome at everything. Well, as it turns out, Boston’s crispy brick-oven pizza blows your soggy, greasy slices out of the water every single time. Deal with it.
22. Snow Isn’t Regularly Used As Billboards
That neighbor that used to drive you crazy? He’s one of the people you’re going to miss the most.
23. Keytar Bear Doesn’t Make Appearances Anywhere Else
You might as well learn the truth now. You’ll never see Keytar Bear again. He’s not famous, he doesn’t tour nationally, and no, he’s not even a real bear. I’ll give you a minute to digest all that, I know it’s a lot.
24. Getting Around In Other Cities Is A Breeze
When you discover how well the street grids of other cities are laid out and how much more efficient they are to navigate, you’ll begin tallying all of the house of your life you spent backtracking after getting lost. Just let it go, man.
25. You’ll Give Anything To Stand In A Ridiculous Line At Mike’s For A Cannoli
You used to complain about the line at Mike’s. You even refused to stand in it and said that it was overrated anyway. But go a few months without them and you’ll find yourself wishing you could take it all back.
26. You’re Finally Free Of All The Guys Who “Went To Harvard”
It’s pretty great to have so many colleges and universities in the city, but no words can really express what a relief it is to be free from the Harvard elite.
27. Elastics Are Actually Rubber Bands
If you’re looking around your new office for elastics, you’re going to get a couple looks. They’re called rubber bands virtually everywhere else.
28. This Apparently Isn’t A Carriage
What you call a carriage, everyone else calls a shopping cart or a buggy. Say carriage and no one will know what you’re talking about.
29. They Will Call It Beantown Despite Your Protests
And there’s just nothing you can do to make it stop.
30. You Might Never Laugh Again
Okay, that’s ridiculous. Of course you’ll laugh again. But you’ll quickly learn that cities don’t churn out the laughs the way that Boston does. And when anyone disagrees with you, just tell them: Conan O’Brien, Bill Burr, Amy Poehler, Louis C.K., Stephen Wright, Jay Leno, Mindy Kaling… You don’t need to keep going, they’ll get the point.
What do you miss about Boston? Tell us in the comments below! 
