1. You’ll Have The Cutest Pet Name, Hon!
Don’t fight it. Embrace it.
2. Baltimoreans Are True Football Fanatics
If they’re as attentive to you as they are to their football team, you’ll never feel neglected. But be careful: Don’t pick a Ravens or a Redskins side until you know which one they are first.
3. They'll Buy You The Peanuts AND The Cracker Jacks
If you go with a Baltimorean to cheer on their beloved Orioles, they’ll give you the world. Or, you know, some snacks.
4. You Can Throw Away The Rule Book And Just Be Yourself...
When you dive into a bushel of crabs on a date with a Baltimorean (and you will), reaching for the fork is unheard of. Grab a mallet and get your hands dirty like everyone else and enjoy.
5. And Let Your Freak Flag Fly
People in Portland like to think they’re weird. They’ve clearly never been to Baltimore. This wonderfully weird city is full of crazy oddities, bizarre art, and super fun people who have absolutely zero cares in the world about the status quo. Just ask John Waters.
6. Baltimoreans Can—And Will—Quote You Poetry
Edgar Allan Poe is Baltimore’s homeboy. From the restaurants and the murals bearing his image to the random street poets quoting his verse—his presence will be forgotten “nevermore.”
7. They're So Well-Read In Fact, They Live In “The City That Reads”
… Okay, so Baltimore got that name nearly 20 years ago. And it was kind of a joke. But seriously, Baltimore does have a pretty great literary scene full of readers and writers. Who knows, maybe you’ll end up immortalized in the words of their next story.
8. Baltimoreans Are The Definition Of Patriotic
Birthplace of the Star Spangled Banner and proud lover of their state and national flag… most people think you have to head south (or maybe up to New England) to find some real patriots. But all you have to do is head to Baltimore.
Which is technically part of the South, yes, but true Southerners will staunchly disagree.
9. They'll Always Keep Things Spiced Up
Literally. Baltimoreans’ obsession with Old Bay proves they don’t know how to do anything bland.
10. Baltimoreans Will Never Judge You For Belting Out “Hairspray” Tunes
The film and Broadway hit “Hairspray” is to Baltimore what “Portlandia” is to… well, Portland. Everyone might not love the film, but everybody knows it. And the tunes are damn catchy.
“Good morning, Baltimore…” Go ahead, you know you want to sing the rest.
11. You’ll Spend Your Summer Days Drifting Away...
You may end up at the Inner Harbor together, visiting museums, riding paddle boats or taking a ride on a water taxi, trying to catch any breeze possible. Or you might take a drive to the beach, walking hand-in-hand down the boardwalk, sharing a tub of vinegar fries and a cone from Kohr’s Brothers. Either way you cut it, life is sweet.
12. And Your Summer Nights Will Be Even Better
You might not think that nights spent in the humid summer air at sunset could be one of the most romantic and fun nights spent in Baltimore, but you would be wrong.
Sunsets, crabbing, fireworks together–the world is your romantic oyster. You’ll spend quite a few nights at backyard crabfests, too, with a crab in one hand and Natty Boh in the other. You’ve never been Baltimore in love.
13. You'll Either End Up With A Brooding Artist...
Unique art is the underbelly of Baltimore and the city is brimming with all kinds of artists, from painters to sculptures, up-and-comers to professionals. Get yourself involved in the scene and you’ll be swimming in a sea of intriguing and interesting people.
14. …Or A Super Sexy Athlete
If athletes are your thing, you’ll have your pick from the tons of lacrosse and volleyball players in the city. And for the guys, you have the whole Baltimore Charm female arena football team to try to sweep of their feet. Good luck!
15. And They're Always Up For Playing Pirates
Baltimoreans have a serious love for the pirate's life—at least, during the Privateer Festival, where they go all out with music, battle reenactments and the wildest costumes you can imagine.
But even if you two crazy kids don't get together until after the party ends, no worries: Urban Pirates offers cruises all year round that will let you and your hon swashbuckle to your heart's content.
Feature Image Source: Flickr user David Clow
Did we miss anything? Tell us the best thing about dating someone from Baltimore in the comments below!
