1. Number One Rule: Don’t Make Fun Of The Accent
Baltimoreans might make fun of the way they stress their own nasally O’s, but they’ve seen enough bad Baltimore accents in movies that an out-of-towner trying to imitate them just feels tired.
2. Berger’s Cookies = Heaven In Your Mouth
Any out-of-towner who comes to Baltimore is going to hear at least thirty recommendations for Berger’s Cookies. They have an inexplicably addictive quality. Well… maybe not so inexplicable. They’re super sweet, thick, and fudgy. What’s not to love?
3. You Can Leave Your Pretentious Beer At The Door
In Baltimore, it’s all about the inexpensive local favorite, National Bohemian, or Natty Boh for short. Sure, Natty Boh was bought by Pabst, but they started in Baltimore, and there’s not a single resident who would let you forget it.
4. Everyone In Baltimore Is More Patriotic Than You
A Baltimorean invented “The Star Spangled Banner.” They invented the national anthem. Bow down, because you are seriously not going to top that.
5. In Baltimore, Snowballs Aren’t Just A Winter Thing
If you’re an out-of-towner the word “snowballs” might conjure up images of the wintertime joy of pelting your siblings as a kid.
In Baltimore, it’s the best way to cool off in the summer—with shaved ice, lots of sugary artificially flavored egg custard syrup, and a dollop of marshmallow cream.
6. Seeing An Orioles Game Is An Absolute Must
If you’re in the all-American city of Baltimore, watching their awesome baseball team play the most American sport is something you don’t want to miss. Even if you’ve got a favorite team at home, Orioles fans are so passionate that it’s contagious.
7. Baltimoreans Are So Over Being Asked If Their Hometown Is Like “The Wire”
Baltimoreans may have watched every episode of “The Wire” just like the rest of us, but their relationship with the show is a little more complicated than the average out-of-towner’s.
8. Pet Names Really Don’t Mean Anything Here
So don’t be thrown off by bankteller calling you “hon.” Everyone in Baltimore is “hon.” Hon is ageless, genderless, and basically meaningless.
9. Unless You’re Talking About HonFest—That’s Kind Of A Big Deal
If you’re lucky enough to be in town for this (literally) colorful local tradition, you’re in for some of the best beehive hair of your life.
10. Everyone In Baltimore Flies With The Ravens
So don’t even think of wearing another NFL team’s jersey in this city. You don’t want to mess with the fans of a team with the most menacing of all birds as their mascot.
11. Those Captain Chesapeake References Will Go Right Over Your Head
If a Baltimorean starts talking about Mondy or Neptuna, try not to feel left out. They’re just reliving their childhood, and the best public access children’s show ever.
12. The Only Seasoning You Need Is Old Bay
You’ll never meet a Baltimorean who doesn’t throw at least a pinch of Old Bay Seasoning on everything they eat. What happens if they run out of Old Bay? They declare a state of emergency.
13. Baltimoreans Never Pay Full Price For Bread
Want a ridiculous amount of bread for a ridiculously low price? You’ve found it. The H&S Bakery Outlet Store is located in Fells Point, and is basically the equivalent of a candy store for grown ups.
14. Every Baltimorean Knows All The “Hairspray” Filming Locations
The legendary John Waters returned to his hometown of Baltimore to shoot “Hairspray.” Tourists may come to see where Waters’ worked his magic, but locals know at least one person who went to Tracy Turnblad’s high school.
15. Yes, Everyone Does Just Eat Steamed Blue Crab All The Time
You will find it on literally every menu. Not even just seafood places. Yeah, even at that greasy looking burger joint, where it will still be better than any crab you’ve ever eaten elsewhere. Have your mallet at the ready.
16. Always Order With The Works At Polock Johnny’s
If you go to this long standing local Polish sausage restaurant (which you should totally do), the only way to order is with the works, or “da works” if you’re trying to fit in.
17. If They’re Not Football Fans, They Love Ravens Of Another Kind
Literary Baltimoreans love bragging about living in the birthplace of Edgar Allan Poe. So even if they’re not rooting for the Ravens, they can still probably recite “The Raven.”
18. There’s No Better Place To See A Movie Than At Bengie’s Drive-In
Baltimoreans are still pretty old school (like really old school) when it comes to going out to the movies. Bengie’s Drive-In Theater is entering it’s 60th season, and locals keep flocking back for more.
19. H Is For Hip And Hampden
If you’re looking for all the cool artsy Baltimoreans, you’ll find at least a few in Hampden. The neighborhood’s independent boutiques and galleries attract a lot of Baltimore’s creative residents, and Hampdenfest highlights the best local talents.
20. If You Want To Know Why It’s The City That Reads, Visit Atomic Books
Atomic Books is Baltimore’s coolest independent bookstore. Actually… it might just be the coolest independent bookstore ever. One visit, and the city’s nickname will suddenly make total sense.
21. Everybody And Their Mom Is A Locavore
Don’t give up your raw vegan juice diet just yet. Baltimore may tempt you with tons of delicious crab, but there’s plenty of awesome fresh produce to be found at the 32nd Street Farmer’s Market. Then again, there’s also a lot of delicious pie and bread.
22. You’ll Find As Many Locals As Tourists In The National Aquarium
It may be the first thing out-of-towners rush to see when they visit Baltimore, but locals get to enjoy this awesome Baltimore attraction all year long.
23. Nothing Goes Together Better Than Chill Music And Tea at Teavolve
If you’re past your moshing days, Baltimoreans totally have your back. Teavolve Cafe & Lounge is the perfect spot to softly nod your head to some mellow live jams and sip on a mug of tea.
24. But Baltimoreans Still Rock & Roll The Night Away At The Shindig
This city is not that mellow. If Jane’s Addiction and Rise Against are more your speed, you’ll want to come into town for The Shindig Festival.
25. A Friend With A Boat Is The Best Friend In The World
Sure, Inner Harbor is kind of a tourist attraction. But everyone in Baltimore secretly (or maybe not-so-secretly) wishes they had a friend with a boat so they could spend every sunny day cruising along on the water.
26. Artscape Is The Most Awesome Event Of The Year
Ever wanted to visit America’s largest free arts festival? With over 350,000 attendees flocking to Artscape, you can bet every Baltimorean has already been there and done that.
27. There’s No Bad Time To Visit Baltimore—But Fall Is The Most Beautiful
Baltimore has some of the prettiest seasons on Earth, but there’s not a Baltimorean out there who doesn’t love fall. Spending a day in the park under the changing leaves is enough to convince anyone of Baltimore’s beauty.
What do you have to explain to out-of-towners about Baltimore? Tell us in the comments below! 
