It’s true that Virginia is pretty much great at everything, and the people there know it. Great schools? Check. Flourishing economy? Yes, sir. Best city to live in? Got that one, too. How about the wealthiest city in America? Most of the D.C. Metro is number two, and that’s almost like being number one. So it probably comes as no surprise that Virginians have a tendency to be a little snobby about all of their greatness. They can’t really help it that they’re better than you at, well, everything. And, boy, do they not have a problem letting you know it.
“A super hero with an identity crisis. #batman #superman”bykoka_sextonis licensed underCC BY 2.0
Florida? That’s a beach state. New England? That’s for city people. The Carolinas? Well, those are definitely southern country folk. Where does that leave Virginia? Well, that’s question that even they can’t seem to find an answer to. This state is suffering from a serious identity crisis, from its status as a perpetual purple state to its beach-loving rednecks from the Hampton Roads. None of them can really figure out what they want to be. But who wants to be stuck with one label, anyway?
Perhaps the biggest issue that Southern Virginia has with the Northerners is that they all seem to wish that they could claim to be part of D.C. It’s true, ask anyone in the surrounding cities of Arlington, Alexandria or Fairfax where they live and you’ll get a resounding “I’m from D.C.!” Except they’re not. They live in Virginia and, for some strange reason (maybe to escape all the people they consider rednecks) they choose to identify as part of the nation’s capital. Technically, they are in the metro area. But who wants to be friends with someone ashamed of their own state? Bah-humbug!
So much time is spent talking about the Metro area that people almost forget that the rest of the state even exists. Go ahead, ask anyone what the capital of Virginia is. If they get that right, I bet that they can’t name any other city here. That’s because every time you meet someone from Virginia, it’s always one of the residents of NoVA. Seriously, the D.C. metro area makes up a third of the entire population. They aren’t much for spreading out, huh?
Anyone who’s seen the movies Deliverance or Wrong Turn will understand exactly why Virginians have such an aversion to being compared to their neighbors to the west. Okay, maybe Deliverance didn’t actually take place in West VA, but it probably should have. I’m not saying that all people from West Virginia strum banjos, marry their sisters and eat other people if they can get away with it–but I’m not saying that they don’t, either. Confusing someone from the Old Dominion with someone from West Virginia might open you up to bodily harm. It’s just best not to do it.
“Mule Deer”byArches National Parkis licensed underCC BY 2.0
The fashion trend in Virginia is to wear woodland camouflage or traffic cone orange. That’s because everyone in the state is an avid hunter. The local Food Lion ran out of ground beef just in time for your Memorial Day BBQ? Not a problem here! Deer meat’s on the menu, and it goes in pretty much anything. Burgers, omelets and jerky are all fair game. If you live in Virginia you definitely have a big hunk of venison sausage in your fridge. It’s just a shame that Bambi’s mom had to go so everyone could be fed. Whatever. She’s super tasty.
So you think the Civil War ended back in 1865? Well, someone forgot to tell Virginia that. From the endless stream of memorials to the yearly reenactments, the war lives on in this great state. Travel down any back road in Virginia and you’re bound to find folks with closets full of Confederate and Union paraphernalia. They’re a fascinating spectacle if you ever take the time to watch them; some of them even attempt to play out exactly as the battle actually happened. If the bickering between NoVA and Southern Va is any indication, they might be taking it a little too literally
Virginians are usually pretty friendly people. At least until they get in a car, then the fingers begin to fly. That tends to happen when you’re home to some of the largest metro areas in the country. You try being backed up on the 495 one time and you probably won’t be feeling like Mother Theresa, either. Virginians are actually ranked as the some of the worst drivers in the nation on a pretty regular basis. But at least they’re at the top of the list, where they like to be.
Do you know the difference between a stalactite and a stalagmite? If you’re from Virginia you do! That’s because it’s kind of a requirement for any child reared in the state to visit Luray Caverns before the age of ten. What is Luray Caverns? Well, it’s kind of the country person’s version of Yellowstone National Park. Except without the geysers or awesome multi-colored hot springs. But you do get to walk through dark caverns covered with rocks that look like icicles. They even turn the lights out sometimes just to creep you out.
Speaking of the Civil War, it’s no big secret that this state varies wildly from one end of the political spectrum to the other. NoVA and Southern Virginia residents never seem to have anything nice to say about one another. The Northerners are all a bunch of liberal, tree hugging leeches while the Southerners are gun-loving inbred hillbillies. And they say that Virginia is for lovers…as long as those lovers stay on the right side of their own state. Did we miss anything? Let us know what you think of Virginia in the comments below.
