“Lifeguard on Beach, Seaside Heights, New Jersey”byTony Fischeris licensed underCC BY 2.0
Everyone from New Jersey knows that there are no "beaches" here--there's only The Shore. And you sure as heck don't go down to the shore, you go "down the shore." If you say it any differently, no one will let you forget it. My sister-in-law still doesn't let me live it down and I said "going down to the shore" once...by accident...three years ago.
The list of things I have to eat when I'm in New Jersey, and try not to eat anywhere else are:
I'm a total Jersey food snob because the rest of the country just doesn't make them the same. And then there's the ultimate NJ dish that doesn't even exist anywhere else...
Taylor Ham is the single best brand of pork roll available on the market. Taylor literally invented it. For this reason, it is not appropriate to call it pork roll--you must call it Taylor Ham in homage to John Taylor. Calling it anything else is disrespectful to the master. Unfortunately, half the state doesn't realize this and that's why...
When someone asks you where you are from you don't respond with New Jersey--you're either from North Jersey, South Jersey, or, if you ask my wife, Central Jersey (Although the existence of such a "Central Jersey" is debatable). There are a ton of regional differences between North Jersey and South Jersey. It's why knowing which exit you live off the parkway actually matters. And it's why South Jersey and North Jersey don't normally speak to each other. It's also why...
North Jersey has Dunkin and South Jersey has Wawa. These are the places you stop at when you're going down the shore to make the experience complete. It's Jersey's midnight energy supply. I have to note that it's very fitting that South Jersey loves Wawa. It's just another example of their extreme Philadelphia envy, to go along with their bizarre allegiance to the Flyers and the nagging need to call sandwiches "hoagies." Eww.
“Egg”bySlipp D. Thompsonis licensed underCC BY 2.0
I didn't realize this until I got to college, but basically no one else in the country has a name of the night before Halloween. Bizarre. I don't know how teenagers in those states get out their angst on their neighbors. It's kind of like that movie "The Purge" only with eggs and toilet paper. I think you need a night when it's socially acceptable to toilet paper the nasty old hag down the road. Otherwise you'd end up like Florida or Long Island--and who in their right mind would want to live like that?
For some stupid reason the higher-ups of the New Jersey Board of Highway Control have decided that a left turn lane is too simple to be useful. So instead we are left a relic of times past, the Jersey Jughandle. It's so powerful that even Chris Christie couldn't get rid of it. But that's not the least of NJ's unique driving laws. There's also the fun fact that you don't need to pump your own gas, ever. In fact, if you try, the guy at the station yells at you for trying to save him some work on a cold day. They will literally arrest you for trying to be a decent human being. That's Jersey.
“Rage!”byBrad.Kis licensed underCC BY 2.0
I get to college in California--basically my first time out of the state that wasn't visiting family or going to a Yankee game--and the first thing my roommate says to me is, "Oh, you're from Joisey." I had the only appropriate reaction: "No God dammit! No one says that! Do I sound like I'm from Staten Island?" So yeah, just say it how it's spelled. New Jersey. Jeez.
There's only one type of non-chain eatery that has consistently good food at any time of the day and that's a New Jersey diner. I remember going to the Chester Diner at 2 a.m. after working the late shift at the Chester Movie Theater and meeting friends for a gyro and pancakes. And you know what, they would taste exactly (amazingly) the same if I went at 2 p.m. on a Sunday after church. It's a marvel of modern Americanized Greek technology. Diners are just the best. Period
There are two gods that everyone in NJ worships: Bruce and Bon Jovi. They are the NJ equivalent of peanut butter and jelly, everyone loves them and it just comes naturally. "Living On A Prayer" was the last song played at my wedding. Even at the end of the night, everyone was on their feet yelling and jumping and fist pumping because that's exactly what you do when you hear Bon Jovi and you're from Jersey. Which brings me to my last point...
What other "New" state in the union can be identified without the "New"? None, is the correct answer. No one has ever yelled "Eff-Yeah Hampshire!" in a bar. Jersey Pride is the sum of everything that makes Jersey great. It's that feeling when you can't wait to go down the shore on a weekend in the summer, stop at a diner, and grab a Taylor Ham, Egg, and Cheese while rocking out to Bruce or Bon Jovi. Only when you can create that mental picture and appreciate the image, will you fully understand what it's like to be from New Jersey.
