In New York, life moves pretty fast: There are cabs to be hailed, subway cars to ride, deals (of all kinds) to be brokered, and there's a slice around the corner waiting to be eaten. When you multiply that by more than eight million people in less than 500 square miles, you get the idea: Everyone goes everywhere as fast as humanly possible.
Whatever you do, don't stop in the middle of the sidewalk or you'll incur the wrath of everyone around you. Also, remember proper umbrella etiquette. Yes, that is a thing. Learn it.
Some would say that hipsters are even more annoying in New York than the Great Bedbug Infestation of '07. You can barely swing a classic Radiohead Kid A record (on vinyl, natch) in Bed-Stuy without hitting one. And forget about trying to find a seat at Buttermilk Channel for brunch.
So, beware. When drinking out in Brooklyn, be aware that some guy in flannel is probably going to jump ahead of you at the bar for a shot of sriracha vodka, and then look at you like, "Oh, yeah, you've probably never had this."
And he won't blink an eye if that shot costs 15 bucks, because...
New York is an expensive city to live in. It's no surprise. The average rent in Manhattan is around $3,000 a month, with Brooklyn not far behind at more than $2,000-both significantly over the national average. And unless the owners are rich or just extremely lucky, those apartments could look more like a closet than a castle.
New Yorkers love their city enough to adapt to their surroundings and to find creative ways to afford it. It might mean spending most of their time on subway commutes rushing between three jobs scattered around the city. It might mean spending very little time in that expensive hole-in-the-wall. But they don't live here for luxurious trappings. They chose to live here for the non-stop buzz of the city and all that it offers. "If you can make it here..." They're proud to say that they can.
And once they have, they'll probably point out that even in Manhattan, going out to eat isn't that expensive and using the subway for a month will only set you back $112. Compare that to gas and car insurance and a few nights out at the Golden Corral, and NYC might seem like more of a bargain than you thought. Once you've accepted the idea of giving up your firstborn for rent, of course.
And a high cost of living isn't the only thing New Yorkers shrug off.
What do Tiny Fey, Sarah Jessica Parker, Matthew Broderick and Ethan Hawke have in common? They all live in NYC, and they have lives and walk around in public. And New Yorkers don't care.
Well, they don't care in the sense that they won't ask for an autograph. Although they might be mildly startled when that guy who looks like Jake Gyllenhaal on the subway turns out to actually be Jake Gyllenhaal on the subway. But what they say is true-as crowded as New York is (eight million, remember), celebrities have their space.
Anyway, New Yorkers don't have time to fawn over famous faces, because...
New Yorkers don't look people in the eye when they're walking down the street. It's not because they're not trustworthy or mean spirited (although sometimes it might be). It's because they're always doing something else.
Whether it's checking in on their iPhones, reading up on trends to stay ahead of what's popular and keep up their hipster image, or just avoiding the human race in general a little bit because dude, they live in a city with eight million people and privacy is hard to come by.
They might be a little nervous about that guy on the subway mumbling to himself, but that's true of anywhere in the world. And they won't expect any anything different from you, since...
New Yorkers have a reputation for being rude, and it's true they can seriously be abrupt. But picture it this way:
You have an hour to get lunch and get back to the office, and a group of tourists are standing in the middle of the sidewalk, huddled over a map and occasionally looking up and squinting at their surroundings. More importantly, they're blocking you from your food. You'd be a little surly too, right?
The good news is that if you have a question here, it will get answered because New Yorkers love to answer queries about their city. And here's a deep dark secret: When it comes to being a good Samaritan, New Yorkers will forsake their patented rudeness. If your MetroCard is being wonky or you're limping from sightseeing all day, there's a decent chance someone will help you out.
Just don't make them miss out on lunch-especially if it's pizza, because...
In a city where a mayor can cause a scandal by eating pizza with a knife and a fork (any self-respecting New Yorker knows to fold it and eat while you're walking), it's no surprise that people take pizza extremely seriously. So seriously, in fact, that the city supports over 9,000 pizzerias.
And considering how long pizza has been around and how many places sell it, it's amazing there are only 10 well-documented pizza parlor feuds. You can try Patsy's Pizzeria in East Harlem, Joe and Pat's in Staten Island or Totonno's in Brooklyn, but if you ask 500 New Yorkers where the best pizza is you'll get as many answers.
If you want to see a real yelling match, ask two New Yorkers that question at the same time. Once tempers cool there will be a lot of heavy head shaking, disbelieving silences and a tug-of-war, as each one tries to drag you to the right pizza joint. They want you to know what a real pizza is-if you're willing to learn.
Even if the best slice is an hour-long subway ride away, they'll march you proudly through the door, ask their buddy behind the counter how his mother is, and wait for you to take a taste and tell them just how right they are. And they'll do it proudly, because...
And they really are. From the best way to get from Houston Street to anywhere, to the best bagels in the city, New Yorkers have...ahem, strong opinions. And they go far beyond the usual "best route to the best pizzeria" arguments. Why did Graydon Carter really stop the in-depth, possible exposé on Gwyneth Paltrow in Vanity Fair? Ask five bus drivers and you'll get five different answers.
Whether it's pop-culture scandals, political intrigue or an obscure piece of the city's architectural history, New Yorkers are obsessive collectors of information. Which painter gave his wife syphilis, Manet or Monet? The guy who works for Con-Ed can probably enlighten you.
And if you're from L.A., expect this kind of schooling to come from practically everyone, because...
Do New Yorkers believe that the east is superior to the west? Absolutely. New Yorkers believe their city has superior music, culture and fashion. Los Angeles might be home to mega-blockbusters, but New York films carry much more gravitas. Don't even get an off-Broadway set designer started on the differences between New York theater and its anemic West Coast counterpart.
And the hip-hop rivalry may have cooled down over the years, but New Yorkers will still remind you the music was born and came of age here. Velvet Underground and the Ramones or Frank Zappa and Black Flag? New Yorkers will always prefer their pale skin and dark sunglasses, not to mention the gritty mood of their city and the artists who help define it.
Oh, and don't forget the light shows on the Empire State Building. However because of light pollution, rarely has either city witnessed pure starlight since the early 1900's. So in a "rock, paper, scissors" contest, both cities are stuck with "paper covers rock." And if you think New Yorkers are snobby about L.A. ...
Hoo, boy. New Yorkers really don't like people from New Jersey. And there are a few reasons for that:
1. People who live in New Jersey simply don't live in New York City-which to a New Yorker already puts them a little lower on the evolutionary scale.
2. Number two, even though plenty of harmless people come to New York from New Jersey, many others show up just to party and get into fights.
3. Don't even mention New Jersey "Bridge and Tunnel" people and their penchant for bronzing. Très tacky.
4. New Jersey drivers are just the worst. The worst.
