“ABC Maryland”byMaryland GovPicsis licensed underCC BY 2.0
People in Maryland will try to argue their accents aren’t nearly as heavy as others make it out to be. But spend five minutes there and you’re sure to need a pocket translator to get through a conversation with at least one person. For educational purposes, here’s a quick Maryland to English lesson:
“Crab Cake”byPrayitno / Thank you for (9 millions +) viewsis licensed underCC BY 2.0
“Crab cakes and football! That’s what Maryland does!” Don’t come to Maryland thinking you know a thing about crabs. Because you don’t. Not to Marylanders, anyway. They’re the experts. And they should be, since they practically live off of them. Steamed crabs, crab cakes, crab bisque… It doesn’t matter how you’re cooking them, but everyone in Maryland will tell you how to serve them up. From size and price, to meatiness and Old Bay coverage, they know to do it better than you. So, just give them the apron and let them handle it. (Because they really will be better, anyway.)
“Old Bay Seasoning”byMike Mozartis licensed underCC BY 2.0
Old Bay owes a lot of its success to Maryland. It’s not just for seafood here. They buy it in cases and put it stuff on everything. Seriously, everything. Crabs? Needs more Old Bay. Pasta? This could use a little Old Bay. Pancakes too bland? Old Bay. You know what this cupcake needs? OLD BAY!! Starting to get the picture? The only acceptable substitute for Old Bay is Chesapeake Bay seasoning, which is similar and also native to the area, but Marylanders will argue which is better to the death. No matter what they decide, all that matters is that your food needs more of it.
“Oh boy. What a beer!” National Bohemian beer is the only beer you’ll ever need to know in Maryland. Brewed locally and advertised with Mr. Boh within an inch of its life, Natty Boh is more of a landmark than it is a beer. Not everyone drinks it, but everyone knows it. And the people who do drink it have a loyalty that will never break. They love it so much, in fact, that local band The Crawdaddies wrote a popular song as a nod to the tried and true Maryland brew. It doesn’t get more Maryland than knockin’ back a Natty Boh with a bushel of crabs smothered in Old Bay downee shore, hon!
The Baltimore Colts football team is the deadbeat dad of Maryland. They packed their bags in the middle of the night and hopped on a bus to move in with their new family in Indianapolis. No note. No goodbye. Nothing. Just an empty stadium and some skid marks in their wake. Even though it’s been over 30 years since the Colts abandoned them and Marylanders have new football teams they’ve fallen in love with, they still have very strong opinions on the subject. Because, seriously, who does that? Why, Colts?! WHY?! And if you come to Baltimore as an Indianapolis fan? Well, bring your armor.
After the Colts abandoned them, it left quite the hole in their football loving hearts. Gradually, the state became filled with Redskins fans who wanted a team to root for. But then the Ravens came to town, giving them the football team that they had been lacking all these years. Just one problem: they were now Redskins fans. So, what’s a Marylander to do? A lot of them are still Redskins fans and many have jumped ship to root for the Ravens, but they’re all opinionated on the subject. Redskins fans will tell you that they’re true football fans and that Ravens fans are just a bunch of bandwagon posers. Ravens fans simply respond with, “I’m sorry, what? I can’t hear you over the roar of another Super Bowl win!” The division doesn’t stop there. Maryland is also split between Baltimore Orioles and Washington Nationals fans, but that’s a whole different story.
It’s a debate that rages on. Baltimore Orioles fans created what has become a bit of a controversy in the baseball world when their fans began yelling “O!” louder than the rest of the parts of the National Anthem. People began to argue that it was an act of disrespect and that they should stop. So what did the people in Maryland do? They started singing it louder. And not just at Orioles games. People in Maryland are of the opinion that since the Star Spangled Banner was written on their hometurf, it belongs to them. They’ll tell you that they’re not singing the “O!” out of any kind of disrespect and that everyone else needs to shut up about it.
Maryland might fall below the Mason Dixon line but that’s as southern as the culture gets in Maryland. But does anyone really still care about that stuff? Well, some people in the south still do and as soon as they hear you’re from Maryland, they can’t wait to remind you that they don’t consider you part of the “real” south. That’s just fine to the people in Maryland, though. They might have an accent, but it’s definitely not a draw. They don’t have fireworks stands or chicken fried steak or traditional sweet tea. They blend in much more with the northern culture and, dumb borders be damned, they’re happy to keep it that way.
Everyone knows what the American flag looks like, obviously. But if you ask most people what their state flag looks like, all you will hear is a room full of crickets. (Where do those crickets come from, anyway?) But not in Maryland. You’d be harder pressed to find someone who doesn’t know what the Maryland state flag looks like than vice versa. Easily the most distinctive flag in the union, the people in Maryland fly theirs proudly in front of their houses and businesses and say that you would, too, if you had a flag that cool. But you don’t.
Lacrosse is the state team sport of Maryland. Didn’t know a state could have one of those, either, did you? Well, all of Maryland knows. And their love for lacrosse has made them all experts on the sport even if they never played a day in their life. If you ask around Maryland, chances are most of the people you’ll talk to played lax in high school, or at the very least had some lacrosse gear laying around their garage that they were always meaning to dust off but never did. They even keep up on the University of Maryland Terrapins Men’s Lacrosse (better known as the “Terps”), Maryland’s favorite lacrosse team, and can tell you everything there is to know about the game.
