1. This State Is Not One Giant Cornfield. Just Mostly.
Driving down the back roads of Indiana feels like a never-ending scene in “Children Of The Corn,” but you can leave the sickle at home. Hoosiers prefer to play in the corn instead of killing people in them.
Come fall, whole towns gather outside the stalks and prepare for the corn mazes. Usually with a can of Natty Light.
All Hoosiers are pro corn maze navigators by the age of two.
2. Sports Are A Way Of Life. Not A Hobby.
Have you heard of the Indianapolis Colts? Of course you have. But nobody here has rooted for them since Peyton Manning left for the Broncos. They know he WAS the Indianapolis Colts. Hoosiers are fickle like that.
They also love college basketball. Ever since the movie Hoosiers, people here have built their lives around team schedules. Getting into a game can be a bloodsport. Hoosiers book their tickets months ahead, because that’s the only way to get in. Screw the out-of-town students. It’s their fault if they don’t know better.
3. This is Michael’s Jackson’s Home State
You probably thought he was born someplace like L.A., right? Nope!
The King of Pop was born and bred in Gary, Indiana, along with the dozen or so other members of his ridiculously famous family. Who knew Indiana could produce so much talent? Everyone that lives there. That’s who.
Hoosiers brag about it often, because they know that Northern Indiana doesn’t have much going for it. That’s why they all pretend that it’s part of Chicago (or the Region, as they prefer to call it).
4. Your Favorite Colors Define Your Worth As A Person
Hoosiers bleed cream & crimson. Or black and gold. Never both. The rivalry between Purdue and Indiana University is statewide, and exhibiting your love for one or the other in the wrong part of town can and does turn disastrous. Sometimes life-threatening.
North vs. South. It’s kind of like the Civil War and many battles have been waged in the form of drunken bar fights. All of which end with the same inevitable conclusion: Purdue is smarter, but IU has the hotter girls. And Purdue men can’t fight.
5. Bobby Knight Is Infallible
The former Hoosier basketball coach has a mountain-sized mouth and a temper to match. He throws chairs at people, makes frequent use of the f-bomb and has all but written off his former home after being fired for choking one of his players. What’s not to love?
They still hold out up for his return, though. Indiana hasn’t won a championship since ‘87, making Knight somewhat of a hero in these parts.
And they’re not above begging. Indiana is kind of like the puppy that keeps coming back after a beating because it knows that there’s a chance it might get fed.
Please come back, Bob.
6. You Don’t Have To Go To The Coast For A Day At The Beach
The best part of living in Indiana might just be the proximity to the largest bodies of land in the United States, The Great Lakes. The worst? Lake-effect snow. Brrrr.
Hoosiers spend their summers at The Indiana Dunes National Lakeshore. It has beaches. Seriously, it does. It might have a reputation as a fly-over state with nothing but wheat and corn, but true Hoosiers know how beautiful this place really is.
7. Indianapolis Is Not A Valid Option For Fun
When sitting around the beer pong table looking for something fun (more fun, anyway) to do, nobody ever screams, “Let’s go to Indy!” It doesn’t happen.
Hoosiers have two options for big city fun, and they ain’t ashamed to drive to either. Chicago to the north and Louisville to the south. Northern Indiana loves Chicago so much they want to be annexed by it.
Sometimes they’ll even drive to Cincinnati just to avoid Indy. Unless the Super Bowl is there. Then they blow millions to give the city a thick coat of cover up.
8. Indiana Is Not A Conservative Wasteland
Indiana has a reputation of being a perpetual red state, and its history on civil rights might make some people squirm. But there are bastions of tolerance. Bloomington is a cute little college town that might just be one of the most liberal places in the country. It was named 4th Gayest City in America.
Just don’t tell conservatives that. Not that there’s anything wrong with being conservative. Most Hoosiers are.
9. A Pair Of Thermal Underwear In The Car Is A Necessity, Not An Option
Sunny and 75 one day and 35 with blizzards and hail the next is kind of the norm in these parts.
Seasons? What are those? Hoosiers don’t ever pack away the winter clothes, because for three-fourths of the year snow can show up at any time.
Make sure to enjoy those summer months while you can. They go by quickly.
10. Wanting To Punch Anyone Who Calls Them An “Indianan”
They’re Hoosiers and proud of it. Is it a made-up word with no real meaning? You bet.
Nobody there can actually tell you what the heck a Hoosier is supposed to be, but they’re all sure proud to be one! Hoo! Hoo! Hoo! Hoosiers!
Featured Image Source: Stephlangan.com
