1. Arizonans Have A Bottle Of Hot Sauce On Them At All Times
Mild salsa? More like watered-down tomato sauce. And don’t even try to serve a burrito to a ‘Zoni without any hot sauce. They’ve all been so spoiled by the quality of the Mexican food here that most of them have taken to spicing up almost everything else they eat, too.
Arizonans can eat jalapenos like they were candy. Heck, they might even put a dash of Arizona Gunslinger on those, too.
2. Arizonans Will Park A Mile From Their Destination If It Means Securing A Parking Spot In The Shade
Even the mere suggestion of shade from a puny little palo verde or mesquite tree that hasn’t quite reached their car yet is preferable to front-row real estate when can actually see the heat coming off the asphalt.
3. Arizonans Are A Bunch Of Right-Wing Cowboys
Arizona is famous for legislature considered offensive to the liberal agenda. Sherriff Joe has been serving green bologna to inmates in tent prison for two full decades, the Maverick Senator/Presidential Silver Medal Winner has held his seat in D.C. since the 80s and ‘Zonis even once encouraged our police to play Border Patrol. Yee-haw.
4. Arizonans’ Blood Is Actually Thinner Than Water
If you haven’t figured it out yet, it gets hot out here. Really hot. Because of this, what everyone else considers “room temperature,” they call “freezing cold”. Don’t be surprised if your ‘Zoni friends ask to borrow a blanket or sweatshirt when visiting if you keep your house anywhere below 80.
5. Arizonans Are Californian Wannabees
If you want to see fashions that were super-cool in L.A. six months ago, take a trip to Phoenix. And they’ve got almost as much Botox and as many strip mall plastic surgeons as their coastal counterparts.
Perhaps our fascination with all things Cali is because they all expect to get beachfront property when that big earthquake finally hits, sending the Golden State drifting off to sea.
6. Arizonans Can All Drive Without Touching The Steering Wheel
Anyone that has lived in the Grand Canyon State knows that black leather interior is a cruel joke in the summer. In 120-degree heat you could leave a raw steak on the passenger seat for an hour-long shopping trip and it’ll be ready to eat on the drive home. This is why they’ve all mastered the two-finger turn and various hovering methods to get themselves home, all while wearing shorts.
7. Arizonans Are Sick Of Being Called The “Grand Canyon State”
If you’re not from here, you probably don’t realize that there is a lot more to Arizona than that famous hole in the ground in the northwest corner of the state.
Don’t get them wrong—they love the Grand Canyon. Hiking rim-to-rim is almost a right of passage here. But did you know Arizona is also the Copper State? And it could pass more accurately as the Sunshine State than that peninsular east coast theme park haven.
8. Arizonans Spend Their Golden Years Getting Golden-Bronze
What can I say—with near year-round sunshine and more golf courses than you can shake a saguaro rib at, it’s no secret that Arizona is a great place to retire. Just ask the residents of Sun City, which has a median age of just a shade over 73, compared to just under 37 for the rest of the U.S.
9. Arizonans Have Got “Border Issues”
Arizona is about as close to Mexico as you can get without having to switch to Spanish, and as such, there are a whole lot of people out here that want to build a wall, dig a moat and stock the state with an armada of Border Patrollers.
The flip side of that coin, though, is a thriving Mariachi scene, a heck of a lot of good dining and dancing and a whole heap of folks ready to make Spanish our second official language. Just don’t tell Governor Jan Brewer.
10. Everyone In Arizona Has A Swimming Pool
If you don’t have a pool in your backyard in Arizona it’s only because you haven’t gotten around to installing one yet. Plain and simple, though they don’t have a lot of water to draw from and it never ever seems to rain, they need some way to cool off, and a quick dip is often the only way.
Even a ‘Zoni without a pool at home knows a guy who knows a guy that’ll let them use his. And thank goodness, lest they all cook to death each July. 
