1. Everyone Is Chillin' Like An Ashevillian
To outsiders it might appear that no one in
Asheville does any work, but most people actually do a lot-but they just put all their effort into hiking, floating down the river, watching live music, drinking beer and hanging out as soon as work is over.
Ashevillians do business during business hours and only during business hours, and prefer to define themselves by what they do after 5 p.m. rather than what they do for money.
Which isn't that surprising, considering...
2. Ashevillians Are All Stuck In The 1960s
There's an Asheville joke that goes like this:
"Why did the hippie move to Asheville?"
"Because he heard there were no jobs!"
It's true, Asheville is a city full of hippies. You'll spot them by their dreads, homemade clothes, tie-dye, and wait, where is that stench coming from? It's a mixture of patchouli and body odor. If your friends visit, this is probably the one thing they'll actually remember about Asheville.
All the wayward hippies of the Southeast are drawn here-after all, they're not looking for jobs.
But when they come to Asheville they meet with some conflict, because...
3. The Right Wing Ashevillians Can't Keep Quiet
Make no mistake-Asheville is located in the Bible Belt, and there's still plenty of...uh, evidence that you're in the South.
You'll see more than a few deer-hunting, gun-toting, rebel flag-waving, country folk who make sure they're not forgotten among the liberals. Don't be surprised by street preachers who visit festivals to make sure their voice is heard with signs and megaphones.
And it goes all the way to the top: State senator James Forrester (a Republican, to no one's surprise) once not-so-lovingly referred to Asheville as a "Cesspool of Sin."
You think the New-Agers took that as an insult? Ha. You can buy "Cesspool of Sin"' t-shirts at local shops.
4. Everyone In Asheville Drinks Beer You've Never Heard Of
Beer is king in Asheville. The brew snobs will be the first to school you on the fact that Asheville has been named "Beer City USA" for four years in a row by the Examiner, and is home to at least 11 craft breweries (not including the ones in their own kitchens and backyards).
The beer snobs do not drink "domestics" (which is basically a dirty word in this town) or even socialize with those who do. I once asked my brew-snob Ashevillian friend if she teased her domestic-drinking friends-to which she answered, "I don't have any friends that drink domestic."
Point taken, I guess.
5. And Only Eat Food From Within Fifty Miles Away
How do you know you're among locavores in Asheville? Well if you're in the city, you're already outnumbered.
They are pretty much anywhere you go, and won't hesitate to tell you about the hottest restaurant of the week and their latest local food obsession. Want to know where to get the freshest duck eggs or raw milk? Trust me, they'll know.
These people aren't happy just knowing that the meat on their burger is from Hickory Nut Gap Farm. They want to know where the cheese, pickle and potatoes for their fries came from, and you better bet they'll want to know if the bun is made with local, gluten-free grains.
6. You'll Get Your Chakras Fixed In Asheville Whether You Like It Or Not
Asheville is full of new agers, although they prefer to identify as 'spiritual people'. Your conversations with these people will revolve around stuff you probably never really think about, like your chakras, the best masseuse in town, where to go to kirtan, how wonderful the last ecstatic dance was, and how to make homemade kombucha.
And everything that happens to them is because Mercury is in retrograde, or because, oh horror-their chakras are out of alignment.
7. The Transplants Will Make You Nuts
Why are Asheville transplants so annoying? They're way too happy. They gush about how cheap it is to park, how cheap the amazing food is, and how low rent and mortgages are (comparatively, of course). They fawn over the weather, the waterfalls, and the mountains.
They think Asheville is better than any other place on earth-and hey, natives don't disagree, but as new people move in by the droves, they become unstoppable "Asheville Cheerleaders" who then convince all their friends and their entire families to move here, too.
Native Ashevillians already knew their town was great, they don't need noobs fangirling all over the place about it and ruining the small-town vibe. Speaking of small-town vibes...
8. The Mascot Of Asheville Is A Hula Hoop
Basically. In Asheville, hula hooping for fun isn't just a thing that weird introvert girl does in the corner. It's for all the wierd people in town. You'll see people hula-ing those hoops at all the street festivals, the downtown drum circles, and just about any event that you can think of.
Going to the roller derby? It's very likely that 'Asheville Hoops' may be your half-time entertainment. Going to see a show? Expect to see hoopers on the stage and on the dance floor.
And watch out, because they're kind of hypnotic. If you run into one, you might be sporting your own hoop within a few minutes.
9. Most Used Asheville Oneliner: "Hey Man, I'm Playing Tonight!"
Asheville loves music, and I'm not just talking about a weekly concert in the square. These people seriously dig live shows and EDM music-and they are not just spectators, the city is bursting at the seams with musicians and DJs.
You can't walk downtown without getting a fistful of flyers, because everyone is playing tonight, and every night. All the local artists want to play Moogfest, The Orange Peel, The Grey Eagle or the Asheville Music Hall, but if they can't, you can find them playing the pre-party, or the after-party, or the after-after party.
Or on the street corner, their friend's backyard or maybe their mom's basement.
10. Everyone And Their Mother Is Obsessed With Yoga
One out of every five people you will meet in Asheville is a yogi. Okay, I just made that number up, but it's probably pretty accurate. Asheville was named one of the "Top Ten Yoga Friendly Towns in America" by Yoga Journal in 2011, and boy is it ever true, even today.
And they don't just do your typical "downward-facing dog": You'll meet yoga practitioners in every form of the practice, and don't be surprised if you're invited to 'heavy metal yoga' or 'blacklight, glow in the dark yoga'.
Everyone carries around their yoga mats around everywhere, and will greet you not with "Hello," but probably a "Namaste, Y'all."
