1. Oregonians Don’t Care That You’ve Seen Portlandia
Oregon isn’t part of Portland, it’s the other way around. The hipsters are concentrated mainly in Portland and Eugene, the rest of the state is pretty different.
2. Being Stuck Indoors Is A Fate Worse Than Death For People In Oregon
When you live in a state this majestic, outdoor fun isn’t just weekend recreation. It’s life.
3. People In Oregon Don’t Need You To Tell Them What Coffee To Drink
Yes, the coffee scene is pretty great in Oregon and coffee shops are trendy. But you know what else there are? People who make their coffee at home in their coffee pots, just like you.
4. And They Definitely Don’t Need You To Tell Them What Beer To Drink
The craft beer scene in Oregon has made it so that any time anyone wants to enjoy a cheap beer, they’re scoffed at. Get over it. Craft brews are great. So is the occasional Bud Light or PBR.
5. No One In Oregonian Has Time For Your Sales Tax
Because they don’t have to pay sales tax in Oregon, it’s literally a painful experience to pay it while on trips and vacations outside of the state.
6. No One In Oregon Would Get Out To Pump Gas Even If They Could
While people from other states joke about how Oregon is a full service only state, everyone in Oregon is enjoying the warmth and dryness.
7. Californians Are Just A Waste Of Every Oregonian’s Time
They flee their state and head to Oregon for a better quality of life only to bring their Californian culture with them and that doesn’t jive here in Oregon.
Northern Californians are okay for the most part, but the others would do better staying away.
8. No One Feels Like Defending The Oregon Weather
All those outsiders who heard about Oregon’s gloomy weather don’t know that locals have a certain fondness to it. The overcast skies are like a big, gray blanket for people in Oregon.
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9. Oregonians Would Rather Get Drenched Than Carry An Umbrella
You put them up, you put them back down, you put them up again, then you have to put them down again and they get everything all wet. Who needs them?
10. If Someone Can’t Appreciate A Good Sun Break Then They Just Have To Go
Everyone understands the urgency of another business meeting, but look! A sunbreak! Drop everything for a few minutes and enjoy.
11. An Underwhelming Bookstore Might As Well Not Exist
Bookstores are taken very seriously in Oregon and everyone here knows that if you’re not going to do something right then you might as well not do it at all.
12. Oregonians Have No Time For Busy Schedules When There Is So Much Exploring To Do
There’s always something waiting to be discovered when you live in Oregon. Even the same scenery you’ve seen again and again feels new every time.
13. Oregonians Don’t Let Giant Rocks Get In Their Way
When life puts a mountain in people’s path, most people either give up or figure out how to go around it. Oregonians laugh and climb over it like it’s Smith Rock.
14. Oregonians Are Bored By All Other So-Called Coastlines
Because, let’s face it, after you’ve seen the coastline that Oregon offers, it’s only downhill from there.
15. The People In Oregon Aren’t Even About To Sit In All That Traffic
Well, the smart ones anyway. They choose two wheels over four.
16. Frozen Salmon From A Store? Oregonians Would Rather Eat Sawdust
The people around Oregon take their salmon seriously for a very good reason.
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17. People Who Make Plans During The Beavers – Ducks Game Aren’t Worth Knowing
Who has time for such trivial things when there’s a Civil War going on?
18. Anyone Who Gets Between An Oregonian And Their Cheese Better Look Out
Oregon is known for some pretty spectacular cheeses. That other imitation stuff at the grocery store is nothing but a waste of time and taste buds.
19. Oregonians Have No Time For Hills That Aren’t Artistic
Oregon is filled with so much magic, even the hills come painted.
20. People Here Know That A Spring Without Tulips Is Like Macaroni Without The Cheese
The Wooden Shoe Tulip Festival makes sure that spring is even more special in Oregon.
21. Oregonians Don’t Care How Much You Don’t “Get” Soccer
Oregon is arguably the biggest state for soccer in the country. Don’t bother going off on how little you get about soccer – no one cares.
22. Inferior Crabs Aren’t Worth The People Of Oregon’s Time Of Day
Oregon is known for its Dungeness Crabs which makes trying crabs almost anywhere else much less spectacular, especially in January during Oregon Crab Month.
23. A Cloudy Night Sky On Camping Night Is Criminal
Camping is a popular pastime in Oregon. Robbing Oregonians of their crystal clear night skies and big, bright stars is like stealing Christmas presents from a kid.
24. Oregonians Don’t Bother Swimming In Some Cruddy River
They have the crystal blue Crater Lake to jump into.
25. If You Don’t Like Dogs, You’re Not Invited
The folks in Oregon know that there’s nothing better than being able to take the dog out into the Oregon landscape and let them off the leash for the afternoon. Dogs are Oregon’s best friend and people who don’t agree needn’t bother overstaying their visit.
26. Concrete Jungles With No View Of The World Are Why The People In Oregon Will Never Leave Home
The Wallowas are just one more wonder of Oregon that make it one of the most spectacular places on the planet, especially for the view.
Did we miss anything? Tell us the biggest waste of someone from Oregon’s time in the comments below!
