1. Trying To Run On Anything But Dunkin’
The “America runs on Dunkin’” campaign should have really been revised to “Massachusetts runs on Dunkin’” if they were going to be really accurate about it.
2. MA Folks Have No Time For Tom Brady Haters
Aw, it’s so cute when you get mad about Tom Brady, the best quarterback ever, because everyone from Massachusetts knows you’re just jealous.
3. They Won’t Waste Stomach Space For Mediocre Lobster Rolls
Good thing they don’t exist in Massachusetts, because with all the awesome options here Bay Staters definitely don’t have time for anything less than divine.
4. Massachusetts Locals Throw Shade At Fair Weather Sports Fans
Massachusetts sports fans are required to be diehard. Sox, Celtics, Bruins, and Patriots fans would never sit out a bad season (of which there are few).
They stuck it out through the curse, so you know they’re not going anywhere.
5. Massholes Aren’t Offended By Masshole Jokes
Yeah, everyone from Massachusetts knows about all those stupid stereotypes. They just don’t care because their state is the best.
Does that make them Massholes? No one cares.
6. Horrible Fake Boston Accents Are Worse Than Nails On A Chalkboard
Throwing “wicked awesome” in there a few times doesn’t make it any better. Please stop trying.
7. Fruit In Pie? Massachusetts Folks Have Better Plans.
Okay, to be totally honest, everyone likes a fruit pie now and again. But when your official state dessert is a delicious creamy, chocolatey Boston cream pie, let’s just say apple and strawberry aren’t first on your list.
8. They Can’t Stand Out Of Staters Who Can’t Spell Massachusetts
It’s not that hard.
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9. Bowling The Ridiculously Easy Way Isn’t For MA Folks
Massachusetts bowlers are down for a challenge, hence, the popularity of candlepin bowling.
10. Generic Chain Hotels Are For The Unoriginal
Hello, beautiful bed and breakfasts in every town and city. Massachusetts knows how to staycation.
11. They Won’t Give New York Yankees Fans The Time Of Day
The Yankees suck. The Red Sox rock. End of story.
12. People Who Think Wicked Only Means Bad Or Evil
How do they even communicate with such an unimaginative vocabulary? Seriously. It must be wicked tough.
13. People From Massachusetts Are Personally Offended By Tomatoes In Clam Chowder
Ugh! Get outta here with that New York crap.
14. And Watered Down “Cranberry” Juice
Massachusetts is home to thousands of cranberry farms and bogs, so when you’re in the Bay State you never settle for anything but the best.
15. Driving The Speed Limit? MA Has No Time For That
Speed limit plus at least five miles is the rule in Massachusetts.
16. Using The Full Name While Talking About The Cape
Cape Cod is just tourist speak for the Cape.
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17. Explaining For The Millionth Time That They’re Not From Boston
Of course, Bostonians don’t have this problem. But everyone from the rest of the state will forever have to correct out-of-towners.
18. People From Massachusetts Are Too Impatient For Three Point Turns
Nope, Bay Staters know how to bang a u-ey. They’re not messing around with some slow three point turn.
19. Explaining The Difference Between Sprinkles And Jimmies
Jimmies = chocolate goodness. Sprinkles = rainbow colored. Now stop scratching your heads and order already, tourists.
20. People Who Don’t Know Their U.S. History
Bay Staters are some of the most patriotic people on Earth, and they know more than almost anyone else about the creation of this country. Is the Boston Tea Party ringing a bell?
21. Subpar St. Patty’s Day Celebrations? Get Out.
Massachusetts is full of awesome St. Patrick’s Day celebrations. Boston’s may be the best known to outsiders, but Holyoke puts on a pretty amazing bash too.
22. Cancelling Plans Because Of A Snow Storm Is For The Weak
“Oh, we’re supposed to get six feet tomorrow? Well, do you want to go sledding after we hit up the grocery store?”
23. They Won’t Tolerate Anyone Who Trash Talks Matt And Ben
That’s almost as bad as trash talking someone’s mother in Massachusetts. Don’t even go there.
24. Unfrozen Lemonade
No summer would be complete without regular stops at Del’s. Frozen lemonade is just clearly superior.
25. In MA, Yielding At Yield Signs Is Just A Suggestion
It’s for the weak. Yes, this is the third Massachusetts driver joke on this list. But if you’re a Bay Stater, you know it’s well earned.
Did we miss anything? Tell us the biggest waste of someone from Massachussett’s time in the comments below!
