The 25 Biggest Debates in Columbus

So you’re thinking about moving to Columbus? I can’t blame you, it’s a great city. But you should come armed. Here are 25 debates you need to have an opinion about; otherwise, you might as well leave the city. Please note: Like politics and religion, these arguments are guaranteed to ruin a good time.

1. Acorn Bookstore v. Bookloft

An age old debate! Both of these brick and mortar bookstores have a lot going on. If you had to boil these two Columbus literary luminaries down to a short description, Acorn would best be known for its collectible niche, while Bookloft would get props for its 32 rooms and maze-like appeal. I prefer Bookloft, but admit it can be disorientating.

2. Graeter’s Ice Cream v. Jeni’s Ice Cream

I hesitated to put this on this list. But after reading the comments from my last Columbus post, I decide enough people cared about this argument to include it. That being said, I’m going to remind folks that Greater’s is from Cincinnati, NOT Columbus. Based on this fact alone, Jeni’s Splendid Ice Creams wins.

3. Blue Danube’s Breakfast Burrito v. Jack and Benny’s Gut Buster

I’ll admit I’m biased. I will pick Blue Danube’s breakfast burrito every time. Why? It’s filling. On the other hand, the Gut Buster doesn’t bust my gut, even if it too is tasty.

4. North Campus v. South Campus

Is there really any debate here? South Camps, right? Right? Okay, maybe there is some room for questioning. It feels as if South Campus has the numbers, but that’s probably just because the majority of people are forced to live there (or were in my time). Winner: South Campus.

5. Alive v. The Other Paper

I wish this still mattered. TOP is gone, and the original Alive—the non-sanitized version anyway—is also gone. It was a great debate though. Which alternative paper did you get your news from? Alive was my alternative rag of choice, mostly because TOP’s snark was too over-the-top for me.

6. Smokin’ Joe’s Crust v. Whatever Hound Dog’s Other Crust Is

Is this even a question? Do you like garlic butter? Then there you go, order the Smokin’ Joe’s Crust. Debate solved. Of course, there are those who will disagree with me. They might be communists, though.

7. Merion Village v. German Village

I spent a lot of time in Merion Village and German Village when I lived in Columbus. My general thought was that Merion Village wanted to encroach on German Village, while German Village wanted to keep its neighborhood lines static. If I had to pick between the two, I’d rather live in Merion Village. It’s a bit more grungy, which you can read as “real”.

8. Polaris v. Easton

Indoor versus outdoor? This is what you get with a debate between Polaris and Easton. Easton, some argue, is all about atmosphere, while Polaris is about being a mall. Easton is my mall of choice.

9. Schiller Park v. Goodale Park

In the grand scheme of things these two parks are relatively close to each other. Schiller Park, located in German Village, hosts Shakespeare in the Park (If you haven’t been to one of these you really should), while Goodale Park, in Victorian Village, is home of Music in the Park—another must see. While Goodale has nice lily pads, Schiller Park easily takes this one.

10. Northstar Garden Burger v. Whole World Broccoli Burger

My money is on (and in the pockets of) Northstar. But the Whole World Broccoli Burger is one heck of a veggie burger.

11. Football v. Any Other Sport

It’s safe to say Columbus is predominantly a football town, but that doesn’t mean there aren’t other sports teams. What about the Blue Jackets and the Crew? How about the the Clippers? All these other teams are drowned out all the time. I’ve sometimes wondered if it’s a self perpetuating situation: Media thinks Columbus likes football, writes about football, people read about football, people think they only like football. In the end this doesn’t really matter–football wins.

12. Columbus v. Cleveland v. Cincinnati

Live in the Ohio long enough and some form of this debate will pop up. People love to compare The Three C’s. Being from Cincinnati, I have to say Cleveland sucks or risk being disowned. Being said, Columbus is better than both Cleveland and Cincinnati, which both feel like cities stuck in the past.

13. Stauf’s v. Cup O’ Joe

I don’t think there is any real debate here. The best coffee in Columbus comes from Yeah, Me Too in Clintonville. But if you do want to argue over the second best, be my guest. I’d take a pitting hot cup from Stauf’s any day.

14. Studio 35 v. Drexel Theater

I should mention this first: To the best of my knowledge, Drexel Theatre is actually in Bexeley, not Columbus. But it is close enough that I can let that slide, at least this once. While I love Studio 35, Drexel is better in almost every way. I should also mention that people who go to Studio 35 don’t know how to keep their mouth shut during a movie. I love you Clintonville, but WTF?

15. Wendy’s v. White Castle

Oh, the battle between mediocre fast food! Headquartered in Columbus, White Castle serves up tiny burgers with onions and circular chicken things, while Wendy’s has a full-fledged menu. Is it a coincidence that both have square patties? If I had to pick between the two, I’d go with White Castle. Why? I like irony, and White Castle’s annual Valentine’s Day dinners are just that. Of course, what do I know, I’m a vegetarian, I’ll just go to the Northstar.

16. El Vaquero v. ????

Is this even up for debate? Name a place that has better Mexican food in Columbus. I should warn you, you will be mocked. If not by me, then someone in the comment thread. Winner: El Vaquero.

17. Archie Griffin v. Archie Griffin

He won the Heisman Trophy in ‘74 and ‘75. Pick a year and argue. In this case it doesn’t really matter, but most people, including myself, would ‘74 Archie over ‘75 Archie.

18. Used Kids v. Magnolia Thunderpussy

I have a feeling that I know everyone’s favorite record store. I know which one I shopped at, Magnolia Thunderpussy. Come on, the name says it all.

19. Jeff Smith v. James Thurber

I included this on my list mostly because I think the folks at Ohioana Library would get a kick out of it. Thurber is one of the country’s most celebrated humorists and cartoonists. Smith, while slow as molasses, is a sequential art genius in his own right; “Bone” and “RASL” are exceptional pieces of work. He’s the clear winner.

20. Gene Smith v. Buckeyes Fans

Like you don’t know this, but Gene Smith is the Athletic Director for The Ohio State University. He’s also the guy people blame for keeping OSU’s football team out of a bowl game last year. If you want to fit in in Columbus, you should have an opinion about this guy. In other words, you should hate him. Buckeye fans.

21. New Bomb Turks v. Whoever Isn’t the New Bomb Turks

In my opinion, arguing over who Columbus’ most famous band isn’t really an argument. But I’m willing to hear someone out. Who’s the current band challenging the Turks? Times New Viking? Does O.A.R. even count?

22. Clintonville v. Everyone

When someone asks what the best neighborhood in Columbus is, most people will tell you it’s German Village. I disagree. Don’t get me wrong, it’s nice. I like it. There are some good people there. But Clintonville is where it’s at. Whetstone Park? Farmers’ Market? Incredibly deep sense of community? No inflated housing prices.

23. Reds v. Indians

Columbus doesn’t have its own major league baseball team. This means that stickball fans get to pick from either the Cincinnati Reds or the Cleveland Indians. Being the home of the Clippers, Indians fans likely have this one in the bag.

25. Buckeyes v. Haters

OSU’s mascot is Brutus Buckeye, an anthropomorphic nut. The most common complaint is that a nut isn’t scary. This is typically followed by someone arguing that an Ohio Buckeye is poisonous (it is). Still, the haters have a point. If you’re sad, just think about the poor fans at Stanford.

Let us know your thoughts on any of the great debates listed above. Or feel free to add another to the mix.