1. The Panhandle Isn’t The Florida Outsiders Think Of
Miami? Orlando? Mickey Mouse? That’s Florida Number 2. The Panhandle might as well be a world apart.
2. This Is The Real Florida
The other Florida is overflowing with transplants – usually Northerners who moved to Florida to avoid the cold. The Panhandle is the real Florida, where you find the most lifelong locals.
3. That’s Not An Ocean
That’s The Gulf. Don’t call it the ocean.
4. It’s All About College Football
Just because this is Florida doesn’t mean that everyone is a Miami Dolphins fan. The Panhandle is college football territory.
5. Panhandle Folks Might Be Gators
If they attended The University of Florida, then they have a diehard allegiance to The Gators.
6. Maybe Even The Crimson Tide
If you run into an Auburn or an Alabama fan, you’re not seeing things. They’re mostly transplants, but there’s a fair share of locals who went away for college and turned.
7. But They’re Probably Seminoles
Florida State University’s garnet and gold can be found all over and anyone who has a house divided around here definitely have some tension to cut through come game day.
8. Can You Stop Feeding The Seagulls? Thanks
Want to know why you see tourists but not locals feeding seagulls?
Keep feeding them and see how quickly it goes from being a picturesque beach moment to a scene from The Birds.
9. Panhandle Folks Can Celebrate New Year’s Twice If You Want
You can ring in the New Year in Tallahassee at midnight and if you didn’t get the kiss you wanted, you can drive to Blountstown and try it all over again.
10. The Panhandle Time Warp Is Very Real
You made that phone call, what? Two days ago? Or maybe it was two weeks ago?
It’s easy to lose track of time here. That’s what happens when life’s a beach.
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11. No, Your Phone Isn’t Broken
But it will act crazy. If you’re mid-Panhandle, you’ll probably experience your phone automatically switching time zones on its own. It’s not just you.
12. Remarking On The Humidity Won’t Make It Go Away
Humidity is a way of life here in the Panhandle. If you have curly hair, prepare for a lot of crazy hair days. And if you have straight hair then stop showing off.
13. Yeah, That Could Be A Shark
Sharks can be found here. But chances are, that Great White you just felt brush up against you? Seaweed.
14. Locals Are More Afraid Of The Yellow Flies Than The Sharks
Were you just shot by a poison dart? Don’t worry, it’s just a yellow fly. If you’ve never been bit, you couldn’t possibly understand.
15. When Locals Say Wahoo, They Mean Baseball
The Pensacola Blue Wahoos, no less.
16. If It’s Not Sweet, It’s Not Tea
Sweet tea is the only kind of tea you’ll find down here. Don’t bother asking for unsweetened. That’s just another way of saying you want brown water.
17. Panhandle Folks Are All About The Seafood
From crabs to sea bass to fish tacos and everything in between, it’s a Panhandle staple. If you don’t like fish, you’re going to be eating a lot of peanut butter and jelly.
18. Florida Jokes Are Especially Un-Funny Here
Old people, Casey Anthony, hanging chads…Hilarious. They’re also irrelevant since they have nothing to do with the Panhandle.
19. This Is The Deep South
The Panhandle is neighbors with Georgia and Alabama. Make no mistake–this is the South.
20. Congrats, You Noticed The Accent
Not everyone has that unique Southern twang with a dash of a bayou drawl. But the ones who do are more than likely tired of hearing about it.
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21. Hey Out-Of-Towners, You Should Try Mexico For Spring Break!
Panama City Beach may be gorgeous, but Mexico is definitely the place to be for spring break this year. Particularly because it’s far, far away from PCB. Tell all your friends!
22. Tourists Are The Worst
The downside to living in paradise is that it’s tourist season year-round. If it’s called tourist season, then why can’t we hunt them?
23. There Are Two Coasts
The Emerald Coast, otherwise known as the Redneck Riviera to locals in the region, and The Forgotten Coast. One has all the condos, tourists, and parties, the other has a lot of locals and oysters.
24. Snowbirds Are Hit Or Miss
Snowbirds are the people who live here while winter is going on in their real home. They’re not all bad. Many come here and adapt to the ways of the Panhandle. But a lot don’t.
The ones who don’t are just as bad as the spring break tourists but drive a thousand times worse.
25. It Actually Gets Cold Here
It even gets so cold sometimes, the people here have to trade their flip flops in for closed-toe shoes. It can be a pretty rough life.
26. No One Loves The Love Bugs
They’re just a reality you have to deal with for a month out of the year here.
27. Pick That Up
That might just be a straw wrapper or a water bottle to you. But multiply it by 25,000 and you have a real problem. This might be vacation for you, but it’s home to the people who live here.
28. Remember, This Is The Bible Belt
In case there was any doubt in your mind, rest assured that this is very much the Bible Belt. Be respectful and act accordingly.
29. Yes, Santa Visits The Panhandle
Snowmen made of sand, pink flamingos draped in lights, and Santa on a surfboard? It’s beginning to look a lot like a Panhandle Christmas!
30. They Always Come Back
If you still decide that you’re leaving, that’s okay. Everybody makes mistakes. And it won’t take you very long before you figure out yours and come running back home.
What are you exhausted explaining about the Florida Panhandle? Tell us in the comments below!
