1. There Is No Truer Love Than Spurs Love
No amount of old jokes in the world will change five championships in 15 years. Deal with it.
2. Believe The Barbacoa Hype
If you come to San Antonio and only have time for one dish, make sure it’s a plate of barbacoa tacos. Just trust me on this.
3. Breakfast Tacos Are The Most Important Meal Of The Day
New York is always bragging about their bagels. And they’re probably fantastic. But no one in San Antonio cares because if it’s not a breakfast taco, it just doesn’t matter.
4. Yes, That’s Someone Drinking A Bottle Of Big Red With Breakfast
You’re in San Antonio now, and no time of day is too early to pop open a bottle.
5. The Combination Of The Two Is The Hangover Cure
Everybody thinks they know the best way to cure a hangover. But in San Antonio there is only one way: barbacoa and a bottle of Big Red. Works every time.
6. Prepare Extra Time For Your Commute During Blue Bonnet Season
You’ll find yourself wanting to pull over and take pictures quite often. No matter how long you’ve lived in San Antonio, the blue bonnets in full bloom never get old.
7. Whataburger Is The Go-To Spot For The After Party
When it’s 2 a.m. and you’re starving, it’s always Whataburger to the rescue. But even at noon, this fast food joint will put every other chain to shame forever.
8. Everyone Complains About Fiesta
It’s too expensive, overrated, and way too crowded. But everyone is there year after year. You can’t not go. It’s Fiesta!
9. You Need Extra Storage Space For Fiesta Medals And Hats
Fiesta Medals are like the adult version of Girl Scout badges. And Fiesta hats are like walking around in public with everything from a Dr. Seuss book on your head. You’ll need a spot in your closet or maybe even your own storage locker to keep all of your Fiesta gear.
10. Cascarones Are Better Than Easter Eggs
Crack open an Easter egg and what do you get? Egg. Crack open a cascarone (over your best friend’s head) and what do you get? Confetti. Case closed.
11. A Heat Wave Anywhere Else Is The Norm Here
Nobody bats an eyelash at 90 degrees. That’s called Tuesday in San Antonio, not a heat wave. Now if you really want to know what a heat wave feels like, come hang out for a week in August.
12. And 70 Degrees Can Feel Downright Freezing
You can have 80 degree days in February down here. When 70 degrees rolls through in September, it’s considered a cold front. Dig out the hoodies and the mittens.
13. Hide Your Phones
The upside of 300 days of sunshine every year is that you get 300 days of sunshine every year. The downside is that the intense sun is no joke. A few minutes left on your dashboard and consider your phone toast.
14. Cowboy Boots Work With Every Outfit
Not everyone in San Antonio wears them, but cowboy boots are far from an exaggerated stereotype. They can be worn everywhere, go with everything, and if you don’t have a pair and want to get some, go to the Stock Show & Rodeo.
15. H-E-B Is The Only Store You’ll Ever Need
You might not think it’s possible to have a love affair with a grocery store, but a few weeks in San Antonio will change your tune. H-E-B dominates the market in the area because it has quite literally everything you could ever want in one stop.
16. You’ll Learn Spanish Whether You Want To Or Not
A little bit of English. A little bit of Spanish. A whole lot of Spanglish. Bienvenidos, ya’ll!
17. Camping Out For Easter Is Completely Normal
Easter is serious business in San Antonio and it’s not uncommon at all to find families camping out for days in Brackenride Park to party for the holiday. The spots are first-come, first-served, so some people even shown up a week in advance to claim theirs.
18. You’ll Have At Least One Of These
From Bill Miller Barbecue. There’s no better way to drink sweet tea than from the Texas Tea Bucket. Oh, and don’t miss out on the barbecue, too.
19. How To Interpret Directions
There’s Westside, Southside, Downtown, Northwest, and Stone Oak. And if you’re in the loop, you’re in San Antonio and if you’re “outside the loop,” you’re in the suburbs. This is how you get around.
20. Don’t Expect To Get Any Sleep When The Spurs Win
Because every horn within city limits will be honking for the next hour. It can be fun until it turns completely maddening.
21. Brace Yourself For Mariachi Overload
Weddings, graduations, at the local taco joint… Mariachi bands are now a part of your everyday life.
22. And If Someone Starts Singing “Volver, Volver,” You’re Required By Law To Join In
Vincente Fernández is a mariachi king and his song Rancheras is the soundtrack of San Antonio. Learn the words because you’ll be expected to start singing as soon as you hear “Volver, Volver” while everyone sways shoulder to shoulder.
23. Cedar Fever Is An Allergy Nightmare
If you suffer from allergies, don’t expect to find any relief in San Antonio. January through February brings Cedar Fever to the air, so bring the tissues.
24. Don’t Expect People To Use Their Turning Signals
If you suffer from the slightest bit of road rage, then the streets of San Antonio are no place for you. This is a city where turning signals are rarely used and merging rules are non-existent.
25. Get Excited For Chips And Salsa With Every Meal
Instead of a bread basket, expect homemade chips and salsa when you go out to eat.
26. And There Will Always Be A Small Taste In Your Kitchen
You don’t have to be in a Whataburger to enjoy Whataburger’s spicy ketchup which, let’s face it, is one of the best things about Whataburger!
27. If You Like Coffee, Root For The Spurs During The Playoffs
The Valero corner store famously gives out free coffee the morning following a Spurs win in playoff season.
28. It’s Always Tequila O’Clock Somewhere
At least in San Antonio it is. Margaritas are the alcoholic beverage of choice that you can find basically everywhere.
29. You Can Pay Your Neighbors In Tamales
Maybe you need someone to watch your kids for the afternoon or water your lawn while you’re away and you don’t know how to ask your neighbor. All you have to do in San Antonio is take them a pan of tamales. It’s like currency here.
30. River Walk Is For Tourists
Magazines and tourists guides will all tell you to go here, but if you do, you’ll be hanging out with a bunch of tourists. It’s pretty much the furthest thing from an authentic San Antonio experience as you can get.
31. Yes, Everyone Knows There’s No Basement In The Alamo
But everyone is really happy to see that with all the history surrounding The Alamo, a Pee-Wee Herman reference is what everybody remembers.
What have you had to explain to out-of-towners about San Antonio? Tell us in the comments below!
