1. Daiquiris That Aren’t Drive Through
Fact: drive-through daiquiris are a huge time saver.
2. There’s No Time For Potato Chips. Louisianians Are All About Cracklins
There’s no time for potato chips, or other meaningless snack food, when you could be eating cracklins instead. Louisiana even has cracklins festivals. Can you say the same for your boring potato chips?
3. Louisianians Don’t Want To Hear Any Complaints About Humidity
Yes, it’s humid. You’re in freaking Louisiana. Either get used to it or move on.
4. Believe It Or Not, No One Has Time For Small Talk. Only BIG Talk.
There’s no such thing as a one-word answer in Louisiana. When someone asks you how you’re doing, they want at least a five-paragraph essay on your current emotional state. They’ll make all the time in the world for “big” talk, but if it’s small talk, Louisianians have no time for that.
5. And Louisianians Have No Time For People Who Aren’t Family Oriented
In Louisiana, families are definitely bigger and often live relatively close to one another. Community life and family life are huge, and it’s very common to have 15+ cousins, uncles, and aunts living within a five minute drive from you. So if you don’t have time for family, Louisiana doesn’t have time for you. (Note: This does make bringing that special someone home to meet the family a bit more intimidating.)
6. Louisianians Don’t Waste Time On “Dead” Crawfish
If you’re at a crawfish boil, you have got no time for the “dead” ones (aka the crawfish that were dead before they were cooked—they taste horrible). A true Louisianian can pick the dead ones from the curved ones in a matter of seconds. No time to waste when you’re scarfing down delicious crawfish.
7. And You Don’t Waste Time With Plates And Silverware For Crawfish
While we’re on the topic of crawfish, Louisianians have no time for plates and silverware at a true crawfish boil. All you need are some newspapers and your bare hands.
8. But If You Do Use A Plate, You Better Be Sure To Save The Dishes
If a Louisianian asks you to “save the dishes”, they just mean “put away the dishes”. And Louisianians have no time for people who don’t wash and save the dishes after they eat.
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9. There’s No Time To Be Proper At The Dinner Table
When it comes to true Louisiana cooking, there’s a general rule that the messier the food, the better it tastes. Crawfish and po’boys definitely aren’t the neatest cuisine, but they sure as heck are the tastiest. So leave your table manners at the door and dig in.
10. No One Has Time To Explain To Northerners The Correct Way To Pronounce “Louisiana”
It’s not “loo-ee-zee-anna”. It’s “Loosiana”.
11. Or How To Pronounce “New Orleans”
Nothing irks a Louisianian quite like hearing an outsider call the city of New Orleans, “New Or-leeeenz”. Lose the long “E” sound, for goodness sake.
12. And Be Sure To Listen Carefully—Because No One In Louisiana Has Time For Horrible Impressions Of Louisiana Accents
It doesn’t matter which of the various Louisiana accents you grew up with, no outsider, in the history of time, has EVER done an accurate impression of the accent. So don’t try to be the first!
13. If You Don’t Eat Seafood, Get Out
Louisiana’s cuisine is all about shrimp po’boys, gumbo, crawfish, crab, oysters…shall I go on? Basically, if you’re not about seafood then Louisiana doesn’t have time for you!
14. No One In Louisiana Has Time For Mardi Gras Tourists
It’s not that Louisianians don’t like celebrating Mardi Gras. They most CERTAINLY do. However, what they don’t like so much are the disrespectful, drunken tourists that tear up their streets and then leave a few days later. When Mardi Gras starts, you basically brace yourself for a ton of garbage and a ton of traffic. So don’t be surprised if Louisianians don’t have the time of day for you if you’re just in town for Mardi Gras.
15. And There Is Zero Time For Snow. What Even Is Snow. Get Away.
Louisianians have no time to deal with snow. Snow = ew. It shouldn’t even be happening, so, when it does, Louisianians react by shutting everything down and letting the National Guard take over to get rid of “all” of the snow. Which is, like, two inches. but still. It’s gross.
16. Louisianians Don’t Have Time To Explain That Being From A Parish Doesn’t Mean You’re Uber-Religious
Louisiana is one of only two states to not use the term “counties”. In LA, there are “parishes”. Louisianians often waste time explaining this to outsiders.
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17. No One’s Messing With The Nutria
Even if you’ve lived in Louisiana you’re whole life, this river rodent will still give you the creeps. If you see one, you run. No one has time for such scary-looking, evil creatures.
18. Or The Alligators
Louisianians do NOT have time for alligators. There are signs up everywhere telling you to stay away from certain areas, and it’s IMPERATIVE that you listen. Otherwise, it’s on you if you run into one of these bad boys in the wild. Yikes.
19. Or Palmetto Bugs. Because They’re Basically Cockroaches
Everyone in Louisiana knows that the term “palmetto bug” is just a fancy word for cockroach, aka you literally have zero time for them. You make it a mission to keep them out of your house at all costs.
20. No One Has Time To Explain To You That LA Does Not Mean Los Angeles
LA = Louisiana, people.
21. And No One Wants To Explain The Difference Between Cajun and Creole For The Umptienth Time
How many times has a Louisianian been told to go try this great “creole” place only to find it’s cajun food? Too many times to count.
22. Perhaps Surprisingly, No One Has Time For French Class
Ironically, many people in Louisiana who take French, and who can speak fluent Cajun or Creole French, cannot pass French class. Cajun and Creole French are entirely different languages than the traditional French you’d be taught in French class. Basically, who has time to learn traditional French when you’re doing just fine with the French your momma taught you?
23. And There’s Certainly No Time For People Grossed Out By Frogs Legs. Just Eat Them. They’re Delicious.
Frog legs are unequivocally delectable. If you’re weirded out by eating them, you don’t belong in Louisiana.
24. If You Can’t Drive A Boat, You’re Failing
In Louisiana, it’s not uncommon to meet someone who had a boating license before they had a driver’s license. In a place with so much water, you can see why people wouldn’t want to waste time on a driver’s license when a boating license is just so much more practical.
25. Louisianians Have Zero Tolerance For Party Poopers
Everything’s a celebration in Louisiana. It’s a state filled with vibrant people, rich cultures, interesting cuisine, and LOTS of parties. So if you’re a party pooper, don’t expect to be welcomed in with open arms.
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