1. You Will Be A Cheesehead Until The Day You Die
Why would anyone ever stop rooting for the Packers? It doesn’t matter where you go—they’re always going to be your home team.
2. And You’ll Never Stop Hating The Chicago Bears
But don’t worry. You totally won’t be alone in that.
3. You Will Go Through Serious Cream Puff Withdraws
Every time your friends post pictures from the Wisconsin State Fair you’ll want to reach through the screen and steal the food they’re eating.
4. And One Mention Of Frozen Custard Will Make You Homesick
It’s just the best frozen dessert ever. Hands down. Why doesn’t everyone understand that?
5. You’ll Discover You’re Actually Superhuman
How else could you explain being totally comfortable wearing shorts and flip flops in forty degree weather while everyone around you is shivering in a winter coat?
6. No One Knows What You’re Asking, Or No?
Ending a sentence with “or no?” definitely isn’t quite as clear elsewhere as it is to other Wisconsinites.
7. No One Knows How To Make A Decent Old Fashioned
It’s made with brandy, not whiskey! How hard is that to understand?
8. And Finding A Good Brat Outside Wisconsin Is A Struggle
Yes, it can be done. But it’ll never taste exactly the same (read: quite as amazing and delicious) as a Wisconsin brat boiled in onions and beer.
9. No One Will Know What You’re Talking About When You Call It A Bubbler
Everyone else just goes with boring old “water fountain” or “drinking fountain.”
10. People Will Constantly Ask You If You’re Obsessed With Cheese
Mostly because it’s one of the few things people know about the entire state of Wisconsin.
11. And If You’re Honest, You’ll Tell Them Yes
Because if they’d ever eaten squeaky Wisconsin cheese curds, they would totally understand. And oh, how you’ll miss cheese curds.
12. You’ll Have No Idea What To Do On Friday Nights
What do you mean there’s no fish fry in town? Who let that happen?
13. You Are Forever Prepared For Any Amount Of Snow
If you leave Wisconsin for warmer pastures, be prepared for constant complaints the second the first snowflake falls. The biggest driving hazard won’t be the weather. It’ll be the other drivers who don’t know how to handle it.
14. And A TYME Machine Is Something That Takes You To The Past Or Future
Not where you withdraw some cash before a night out.
15. Beer Is Considered An Alcoholic Beverage
Wisconsinites can hold their beer so well that it’s basically like drinking soda. It must be all those cold winter days huddled in bars to warm up.
16. Waiting For A Chicken To Go Is Not Considered Great Fun
Outsiders just don’t understand the suspense and excitement involved in a good chicken drop game.
17. You Were Drinking PBR Way Before It Was Cool
And now that all the cool kids are doing it, you’ll feel like the original hipster. Hipster 1.0. Proto-hipster. Which is kind of awesome in a bizarre way.
18. Mosquitos Aren’t Usually So Gigantic Or Vicious
They’re never fun, but they also don’t usually seem totally sentient, and so aware of their plan of attack as they do in Wisconsin.
19. You’ll Miss Pretty Spring Days In Door County
Seriously, those were some of the most underrated beaches of all time, and you’ll never have better cherries in your life.
20. And Trips To A Friend’s Lake House
Even if you did have to deal with all those FIBs coming down to your prettier part of the lake.
21. You’ll Meet Your First Vegan
And you probably shouldn’t bring up how awesome hunting season in Wisconsin or ask them, “Not even cheese?”
22. You’ll Have To Explain All That Blaze Orange And Camo In Your Closet
The orange is not a fashion thing. The camo… totally might be.
23. When People Don’t Let Their Kids Get A Motorcycle, You’ll Just Laugh
Please, you’ve seen twelve year olds ride on the back of a hog. It can’t be that dangerous.
24. No One Knows How To Play Sheepshead Outside Wisconsin
Unless maybe you’re in Germany. Otherwise, good luck putting together a good group of people to play cards with.
25. Only Grandmas Get Down To Polka
Well… grandmas, and Wisconsinites, and you, because polkas are awesome.
26. It Just Won’t Feel Like Summer Without Summerfest
And all other music festivals will seem sad and puny in comparison.
27. The Bronze Fonz Is Not As Exciting As You Think
Yeah… okay… it’s a big deal whenever you visit Milwaukee. But if you try to tell someone from any other major city that a bronze statue of Fonzie is a major attraction, they might laugh.
28. Everyone Will Think You’re Either Super Nice Or Kind Of Weird
Wisconsinites are just a nice bunch of people (unless you’re from Illinois), and that will either be perceived as really awesome and cool or kind of weird to cynical people who find genuine niceness strange. It all depends on where you go.
29. Collect All The Family Kringle Recipes Now
Because unless you just happen to live next to a Danish bakery, you’ll have to make your own once you leave Wisconsin.
30. Wisconsin Tailgating Is On A Whole Other Level
If you’re used to tailgating being just as exciting as the actual game, you might be sorely disappointed once you leave.
What do you miss most about Wisconsin? Tell us in the comments below!
