1. No One Cares Where You Went To High School
Finally! The questions about where you spent four inconsequential years of your youth end! Outside of St. Louis, no one cares at all.
2. Root Beer Floats Will Never Taste The Same
It’s a scientific fact (kind of) that root beer floats made with Fitz’s are just a thousand times better than root beer floats made with lesser root beers.
Fortunately, Fitz’s gets some distribution nationally, but you’ll be paying way more than you’re used to for a bottle of what’s now considered specialty soda.
3. Other Museums Are Total Snoozefests Compared To The City Museum
People from St. Louis are spoiled in a lot of ways, but the City Museum is probably at the top of that list. One massive art installation that feels like traveling to a different world? Yeah…it kind of beats staring at paintings for three hours while you think about how much your feet hurt.
4. Or The Awesome St. Louis Science Center
Seriously, it doesn’t matter how old you are. Even as an adult, animatronic dinosaurs are totally awesome and still a little scary.
5. You’ve Been Totally Spoiled By Your Music Scene
Between the monthly concerts by the legendary Chuck Berry at Blueberry Hill, shows at The Pageant, and the spring Bluesweek Festival, it’s safe to say you’ll never be so lucky outside St. Louis.
6. If You Say You Love Eating Concrete, You Might Get A Few Funny Looks
Yes, Ted Drewes super thick concrete frozen custard is delicious, but outside St. Louis people will probably assume you mean you love eating the stuff they repaved their driveway with last year.
7. Going To Union Station Usually Means You’re Taking A Trip
And not just a shopping trip to one of the coolest indoor marketplaces in the city.
8. No One Gives St. Louis Credit For Panera Bread
You’ll find St. Louis Bread Co. just about anywhere you go, but for some reason everyone insists on calling it by a far inferior moniker.
9. Not Everyone Believes In Ghosts
But then again, not everyone has been to the Lemp Mansion, or dared to stay the night.
10. No One Else Gets As Excited When A Nelly Song Comes On The Radio
On the rare occasion that Nelly gets radio play outside St. Louis, don’t expect everyone you’re with to turn up the volume and break into an impromptu dance routine.
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11. You’ll Have To Sell Your Organs To Live In A Similar City
The cost of living in St. Louis is ridiculously reasonable when compared to cities with the same kind of amenities and a similar population. But hey, it was nice to live the good life while it lasted.
12. And If You’re A Renter, Your Apartment Will Never Be As Cool
Stained, sad wall-to-wall carpeting, paper-thin drywall, and scratched linoleum are pretty standard in most affordable city apartments.
Gone are the days of gorgeous hardwood, original moldings, and cool tin tiles that are ever present in beautiful St. Louis architecture.
13. Don’t Get Too Excited For A Trip To The Zoo
The St. Louis zoo is just too good and too free. How is it even possible to have a zoo of that caliber at no cost to visitors? Turns out, it’s only possible in St. Louis.
14. Asking For A Cup Of Sugar From Your New Neighbor Is Like Pulling Teeth
Major cities’ residents are notoriously a little more cold than those in rural or suburban areas, but St. Louis is one of the most charitable cities in the nation. The same “here’s the shirt off my back” attitude isn’t quite as common elsewhere.
15. Other Parks Are Just Sad Compared To Forest Park
A lot of times “park” just means a few benches and a totally un-manicured patch of weed infested grass, not the 1,293 gorgeous acres you’re used to exploring.
16. The Cardinals Will Always Be Your Home Team
You might try to support the local baseball team in whatever new place you move to, but it’ll never feel quite as satisfying or exciting as rooting on the best team ever, the Cardinals, at Busch Stadium.
17. You’ll Suddenly Be The Worst Driver In Town
Even if you were one of the better drivers in St. Louis, you’re going to be one of the worst drivers anywhere else you go. That may seem a little harsh, but…c’mon, admit it.
18. The Winters May Be Brutal, But At Least St. Louis Makes The Most Of Them
Between sledding down Art Hill and the Loop Ice Carnival, people from St. Louis really don’t like to be holed up at home in the winter like everyone else.
19. No One Makes T-Ravs Like St. Louis
Breaded and deep-fried ravioli is rare and treated as more of a novelty menu item everywhere else in the country. You’ll never find toasted ravioli that even kind of compares to anything you’ve eaten on The Hill.
20. People Actually Try To Call It “The Lou”
There’s really no way to politely shut this down, but a firm, serious, “No!” without any further explanation usually works.
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21. People Insist Mozzarella Is Better Than Provel
It is now your mission in life to save these poor unenlightened souls by making them a classic St. Louis pizza with extra Provel. Just try to imitate Imo’s Pizza as closely as possible, and they’ll understand.
22. Wash Will Always Be Warsh
It doesn’t matter how long you live somewhere else, or how many people not-so-kindly remind you there’s no “r” in the word, that’s one St. Louis quirk that will always stick with you.
23. No One Will Understand Your Love Of Clydesdales
If you’re in the passenger seat and spot a field of Clydesdales by the side of the road, don’t count on the person driving getting excited enough to pull over, unless they’re also from St. Louis.
24. You’ll Have Serious Cravings For Butter Cake
Be sure to bring your mom’s butter cake recipe with you if you leave St. Louis. Finding a gooey, delicious, artery-clogging (but so worth it) slice at a bakery will suddenly become a thousand times harder, if not completely impossible.
25. Not To Mention Crown Candy Kitchen
Leaving St. Louis basically just means your sweet tooth is going to go into overdrive. No more decadent chocolate malts at Crown Candy’s counter is probably one of the hardest parts of leaving.
26. You’ll Start To Miss The Shane Co. Commercial On The Radio
It’s actually just kind of like a form of Stockholm syndrome at this point.
27. Definitely Order Red Hot Riplets In Bulk
When you’re far away from St. Louis and having a major snack attack while you’re binge watching Orange Is The New Black, this advice will really come in handy.
28. Your Liver Will Thank You
There are a lot of downsides to leaving St. Louis, but your liver will be super happy at the lack of 3 a.m. bars in most other places in the country.
29. You May Find Good BBQ, But You Won’t Find Great Pork Steak
St. Louis isn’t the only city with amazing barbeque, but leaving St. Louis means leaving behind all that delicious pork steak barbeque, and there’s really nothing else that compares.
30. Every Time You See The Arch You’ll Feel Totally Nostalgic
Whether you’re travelling back to see family and friends, or it just pops up in a movie or TV show you’re watching, the Gateway Arch will always be synonymous with home.
What do you miss about St. Louis? Tell us in the comments below!
