1. Heaven Help You If You’re Not From Chicago
The first thing anyone will ask you when you mention you’re from Illinois is, “Oh, Chicago?” If you respond, “Peoria,” they’ll ask you how far that is from Chicago.
2. Even Worse If You’ve Never Been To Chicago
Explaining why someone from Illinois would visit St. Louis on out-of-town trips instead of Chicago is mind-numbingly boring, but you’ll have to do it often.
3. No One Knows How To Do A Proper Pork Tenderloin
The only way to serve pork tenderloin is breaded, pan-fried, and so big it’s hanging off the bun. But apparently only Central Illinois knows how to do it right.
4. It’s Possible To Still Be Hungry After Eating Pizza
Most slices aren’t as wide and as thick as your head. And you can put down that fork and knife. Unfortunately, you won’t need it.
5. No One Believes That Springfield Is The State Capital
It doesn’t matter how many times you say it, even if you’re from Springfield, people will still feel the need to look it up on their phones.
6. You Don’t Get Casimir Pulaski Day Off Anymore
It kind of sucks, but let’s be honest—how many times were you really using that day to celebrate the late Polish Revolutionary War general anyway?
7. You’ll Want To Laugh Every Time Someone Says It’s Cold
Unless you were strange enough to leave Illinois for even colder pastures (why?), you’ll want to laugh every time someone bundles up for a nice 30 degree day and shivers when they step outside.
8. There Are People Who Don’t Know Who Frank Lloyd Wright Is
He’s only the greatest American architect who’s ever lived, but no one will understand your excitement about driving by Frank Lloyd Wright houses outside of Illinois.
9. People Will Pronounce The S
And it will be grating every time you hear “Illi-NOISE.”
10. Which Will Make Explaining Des Plaines Even More Confusing
“No, it sounds nothing like Des Moines. It’s the opposite of Des Moines. All the S’s. Just not in Illinois.”
11. People Actually Put Ketchup On Their Hot Dogs
That’s not the weird part though. The weird part is that no one makes fun of them for it.
12. That Empire Today Commercial Will Always Be Stuck In Your Head
It doesn’t matter how far you run, that 800-588…etc. jingle will always be rolling around in there.
13. No Matter Where You’re From, People Will Comment On Your Accent
Whether you’re from “Chic-AAHHH-go” or downstate Illinois, people will claim you say things a little differently.
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14. And If It’s Not Empire, It’ll Just Be Luna
Why are all these carpet and hardwood floor companies’ jingles so catchy? 773-202…beep beep beep beep…
15. Weather Is Just Small Talk Everywhere Else
Not everyone can go on for forty-five minutes about the forecast and past average temperatures and the Snowpocalypse of 2011 like people from Illinois can.
16. LSD Has A Very Different Meaning Everywhere Else
When you flippantly tell someone you were “on LSD” while recounting an anecdote, they’re probably going to look at you a little funny.
17. It Doesn’t Get More Intense Than Illinois Sports Fans
Whether they’re cheering on the Cubs, Blackhawks, Bulls, Bears, or any other Illinois professional or college team, Illinois sports fans are hands down the most dedicated you’ll ever see.
Even when they’re not supporting Illinois teams and prefer the Cardinals or Rams, they’re just as intense.
18. It Will Be Hard To Find Food At 3AM Anywhere Else
Where have all the good greasy spoon diners gone? (Apparently to Illinois.)
19. No One Is Ever Talking About Oregon, IL
When you mention hiking through the scenic Rock River Valley in Oregon, people will always assume you mean the state.
20. Having A Governor In Prison Is Not Super Normal
It starts to seem that way after living in Illinois for awhile, but surprisingly most governors don’t serve time.
21. Those Cravings For Portillo’s Italian Beef Only Get Worse
Not to mention cake shakes. No other fast-food sandwich will ever compare, or ever cure a hangover quite as well.
22. People Might Try To Convince You It’s Called “The Willis Tower” Now
Don’t let them break you. Sears Tower for life.
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23. When Most People Go To The Beach, It’s Along An Ocean
Lake Michigan is going to seem pretty toned down once you’re out on a real coast.
24. Nothing Will Top Family Vacations To Six Flags
Illinois beach options may not be as impressive as other states, but summer trips to Six Flags more than makes up for it.
25. You Can No Longer Live Off Potbelly
You might find a Potbelly outside Illinois, but you won’t find them on every corner anymore. Guess it’s time to settle for Jimmy John’s. You’re not Subway desperate yet.
26. Not Everyone Appreciates The Comedic Genius Of The Blues Brothers
It’s pretty much just you and everyone’s dad at this point.
27. A Former Illinoisan Will Never Trust A Warm Day In March
Even if it is truly spring, you’ll keep expecting it to snow well into April.
28. Horseshoes Always Refer To The Things You Put On Hooves
Not the delicious open-faced sandwich made from hamburger, special cheese sauce, and French fries piled on Texas toast you’ve come to know and love.
29. You Might Want To Pay Attention To Speed Limits
Rumor has it there are things called tickets that are handed out when you go over that number on the speed limit signs outside Illinois.
30. The Best Homesickness Cure Is Curling Up In Front Of A Good Movie
Luckily, some awesome classic flicks were shot in Illinois including Groundhog Day, The Breakfast Club, Planes, Trains and Automobiles, Sixteen Candles, Home Alone, and Ferris Bueller’s Day Off.
What do you miss about Illinois? Tell us in the comments below!
