1. Missourians Don’t Have Time To Argue Over What State Has The Best Barbecue
That’s because they’re too busy eating it. Missouri has the rest of the BBQs of the world beat. Deal with it.
2. If They Have To Explain That Burnt Ends Are Burnt On Purpose, You Don’t Know BBQ
A real barbecue lover wouldn’t need to stop and ask questions. Food comes first, questions later.
3. Having To Explain Yet Again How To Pronounce Missouri Is Exhausting
Is it Missour-ee or Missour-uh? If you’re not sure, just follow the politicians’ leads and use both. Missour-ee is a St. Louis thing and used throughout most of the country, Missour-uh is sometimes used around Kansas City.
4. People Who Think St. Louis Is the Only Thing Worth Seeing In Missouri Can Stay In St. Louis
Just because it has a big arch, doesn’t mean it’s the only thing to see.
5. Show Me State Jokes Are Off The Table For All Missourians
If you think making fun of Missouri to a Missourian is going to go over well, you might want to get ready to duck is all I’m saying.
6. Missourians Think Your Beer Snobbery Is Dumb
Everyone can appreciate a good craft beer, but Budweiser is still just as alive in Missouri as it was when it the Busch Brewing Company began here.
7. No One Here Can Be Bothered To Pack Away Seasonal Clothes
You don’t really get a chance to pack away winter or summer clothes, considering the weather in Missouri can change faster than the wind blows.
You can have your heat and air conditioning on in the same day here.
8. Missourians Definitely Won’t Listen To Your Baseball Argument
They have the St. Louis Cardinals, the Kansas City Royals, and the Mizzou Tigers all in one state. That kind of makes them unofficial baseball experts, so listen up.
9. Royals Fans Aren’t Even About To Listen To That Whole Song Again
Yes, that Royals song by Lorde was inspired by the Kansas City Royals baseball team. Aside from getting played every 20 minutes on the radio, it also gets played at every game.
Play the chorus and then we can all move on.
10. Missourians Don’t Have Much Time For People Who Aren’t Sports Fans In General
Whether you’re a Cardinals fan or a Royals fan, love the Chiefs, cheer for the Tigers… Sports are a major part of life in Missouri.
If you don’t follow sports at least a little, you won’t have much to talk about.
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11. People Who Don’t Think Provel Is Real Cheese Have No Business Discussing Cheese
What is Provel cheese? It’s a processed mixture of provolone, Swiss, and cheddar cheese with just the right amount of awesome.
12. If You Think St. Louis Can’t Compete In The Pizza Department, You’re Not A Missourian
With the help of that Provel, St. Louis has their own style of pizza that can’t be found outside of Missouri. You can keep your slices, NYC and Chicago, everyone here is doing just fine.
13. Fans Who Don’t Know How To Make Some Noise Will Be Kindly Asked To Leave
Try as they might to dethrone Chiefs fans as the loudest in the country, Missourians always rise to the occasion – literally.
14. Missourians Don’t Waste Time Getting Their Donuts At A Drive-Through
Who needs a chain when you have Hoeckele’s Bakery waiting with so much deliciousness for you?
15. Don’t Bother Packing Lunch For A Missourian If Those Chips Don’t Say Backers
Backers Chips are a crunchy Missouri staple. You can keep your Herr’s, no one here wants to share.
16. Missourians Don’t Need To Travel To An Ocean To Enjoy Their Vacation
Who needs to take a long and expensive flight out to some overrated coast when you have so many spectacular lakes right here?
Going on a float trip at the Ozarks should be on everyone’s bucket list.
17. If You Seek Shelter At The Sign Of Any Tornado Warning, Missourians Will Probably Laugh At You
It has to be a storm of epic proportions to get everyone in Missouri running for shelter.
They’ve seen their share of crazy storms and blow overs, so they’re usually pretty good at knowing when to hit the panic button.
18. And Don’t Bother Telling A Missourian To Come Inside During A Storm
It’s not just tornados Missourians aren’t afraid to face. They also love a good thunder and lightning storm. And with the way the skies light up in Missouri, who can blame them?
19. Missourians Don’t Need A Shelf Full Of Condiments To Make A Good Meal
There’s no need to get fancy here. All you ever need is a little salt, pepper, barbecue sauce, and maybe some ketchup and mustard.
If you can’t cook a good meal with those, then you’re doing it wrong.
20. People Who Don’t Love Mark Twain Just Don’t Know Culture
Hannibal is the home of Mark Twain and there’s nowhere you can go where you won’t be reminded of that.
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21. Missourians Are Over Explaining The Kansas City Thing
Yes, there’s a Kansas City in Kansas. And there’s also one in Missouri. And everyone here will remind you that KCMO is the better Kansas City.
22. No One In Missouri Has Time For A Soggy Ravioli
Toasted raviolis are a St. Louis delicacy. Prepare to be amazed.
23. And If That Cake Isn’t Loaded With Butter, Don’t Cut Missourians A Slice
Butter cake is extra gooey in St. Louis. There’s no creative way to describe just how amazing it is, that’s why they settled on calling it Gooey Butter Cake and it’s the confectionary stuff of legends.
24. If You Sneer At Frog Legs, Then Maybe You Don’t Belong
Speaking of Missouri delicacies, frog legs are a more popular cuisine here. Whether you get them grilled or fried, just get them. And don’t knock it ‘til you try it.
25. Don’t Throw A Party In Missouri Unless You Want A PARTY
Tailgating before a game. Partying on a boat at the lake or floating down it with some friends and a Bud Light.
It’s not the party that matters in Missouri, it’s how hard you know how to do it. And in Missouri, they go big or go home.
Did we miss anything? Tell us the biggest waste of someone from Missouri’s time in the comments below!
