1. You’ll Realize Half Of Your Diet Was Just Cuban Sandwiches
It’s so easy not to think about how many Cuban sandwiches you’re actually eating until you have to start seeking a decent one out. And no, no one does them better than Florida…except, well, Cuba.
2. Florida Orange Juice Everywhere Else Is A Cruel Lie
Yes, you’ll find “Florida Orange Juice” just about everywhere in the country, but it’s just not the same when it’s processed and pasteurized rather than picked straight off the tree and made with your own elbow grease.
3. Outsiders Actually Think Lizards Are Pests
Most Floridians know better. They’re cute, they eat palmetto bugs and other insects. You’ll actually start to miss the little guys once you’re gone.
4. On The Plus Side, You Won’t Have To Deal With The Lovebug Massacre
Your car will no longer look like a brutal crime scene, so there’s that.
5. Gator Encounter Stories Are The Best Anecdotes For Parties
It used to be a good old-fashioned gator encounter was just a run of the mill event. Now you’ll seem like the most adventurous and impressive person in the room.
6. Your Family Will Stop Crashing At Your House All The Time
Your house is no longer your family’s first choice free-hotel option, so pack up the guest towels and leave out all your unmentionables. Oh, the freedom!
7. That Weird Tan Will Fade…Eventually
Six or seven months after leaving Florida, you’ll start to wonder if that weird sandal tan is ever going to fade or if it’s basically tattooed to your body at this point. Patience, my friend.
8. Ex-Floridians Can Actually Look Forward To Spring Break
Without the massive crowds of seriously intoxicated college kids all over the place, spring break is something that you won’t actually dread.
9. Nothing Spoils You For Fish Like Being Surrounded By Water
Fresh mahi mahi, yellowfin tuna, grouper, and snapper are not quite as easy to find everywhere else.
There are even sad people who eat these fish after they’ve been frozen.
10. Floridians’ Flip-Flop Collections Are Actually Pretty Insane
Odds are, if you move somewhere outside of Florida you won’t be needing sixty pairs anymore.
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11. A Former Floridian Will Never Need To Buy Another Swimsuit Again
Seriously, the twenty you have in your wardrobe right now are going to get you through the rest of your life after Florida, because you probably own more swimsuits currently than most people do their entire lives.
12. People Don’t Realize How Huge Florida Actually Is
If you’re from Northern Florida, you’ll spend countless hours explaining how much more you have in common with Georgia.
If you’re from Central or Southern Florida, you’ll spend countless hours explaining that you don’t live in a theme park.
13. The First Thing Everyone Will Mention Is Disney World
No matter where you go, everyone in the entire world associates Florida with Disney World.
14. And Everyone Thinks Floridians’ Lives Are Just One Long Vacation
All the warm weather, the beaches, and the aforementioned theme park are awesome.
But it’s not like you spent all day every day lounging around on white sand beaches drinking a mojito.
15. People Say, “Isn’t Everyone Old There?” But Not In A Nice Way
Yes, there are tons of old folks in Florida. And they’re way cooler than hordes of college-aged spring breakers.
Have you ever played a game of shuffleboard with tipsy grannies? You’re totally missing out.
16. Monsoons Might Even Become Fond Memories
Okay, so no one loves pouring rain (although it can be nice on a hot summer day), but at least in Florida it only lasts a couple of hours max at a time. When it rains everywhere else, the whole day is shot.
17. You Might Actually Have To Buy Some Socks
Your toes are about to be a whole lot colder.
18. No One Understands The Magic Of Gatorland
Disney this, Disney that. After awhile you’ll feel like screaming, “My parents didn’t want to spend thousands of dollars on a vacation for myself and my six siblings, plus Gatorland rocks!”
19. You Won’t Have To Pass A Security Guard Just To Visit Your Friend
Gated communities are a whole lot less common outside Florida, so odds are unless you’re part of a real high-rolling crowd, you won’t have to be buzzed in just to pick up your buddy.
20. But A Pool Is Suddenly A Special Amenity
You used to be able to search for a house with a pool as easily as searching for a house with a dishwasher. But oh, those beautiful days are through.
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21. Time Zones Are Usually A Lot Less Confusing
Really, who decided there should be two time zones in Florida? Unless you move to one of the other eleven unlucky states with two time zones, you can finally stop worrying if your watch is right.
22. Former Floridians Will Have No Idea What To Do With Basements
At first it will just sit there, empty, a giant gaping concrete hole in the ground. But slowly you’ll fill it with a bunch of useless junk you should just throw away like everyone else.
23. You’ll Be The Only Person Under Thirty At Your New Local Golf Course
In Florida, everyone learns to golf before they learn to drive. Everywhere else it’s all middle-aged or older guys rocking polos and plaid.
24. Not As Many People Get That Basketball Is The Best
Everyone else in the country is crazy about football and their fanship pretty much stops there.
If you can even find a Miami Heat, Orlando Magic, or Jacksonville Dolphins game on TV somewhere, you’ll have an even harder time finding someone to watch it with.
25. Snow Days Are Actually Way Better Than Hurricane Days
Sure, they’re colder, but at least you’re usually not too worried about a tree falling on your house. And snuggling up with a cup of hot cocoa beats boarding up the windows.
26. A Convertible Is No Longer A Practical Car Choice
It just makes a whole lot more sense when you can use it for two thirds or more of the year.
27. Driving Anywhere Takes Forever
You might miss those 70 mph (unofficially 10 to 20 above) speed limits more than anything else, and speeding tickets will quickly become the bane of your existence.
28. A Little Piece Of Florida Will Follow You Everywhere
No, not that little piece of Florida in your heart. The sand. It doesn’t matter how long you’re gone, you’ll still be shaking granules of sand from your clothing/rugs/furniture/shoes for the rest of your life.
What do you miss about Florida? Tell us in the comments below!
