1. Leaving Montana? Are You Sure You Want To Do This?
Almost every Montanan has proclaimed that they’re packing up and heading for warmer shores, usually after a particularly bitter stretch of winter. But you pop a Tums and it passes.
2. Really. Think About It.
Montana has the highest population of people who are happy with their state. That means it’s only downhill once you leave. But if you’re sure…
3. You Leave Montana, You Lose Your Village
They say “it takes a village” and when you grow up in Montana, that’s exactly what you get – communities that look out for one another. On the outside, it’s every man for themselves.
4. Crossing Into Another State Raises A Montanan’s Toughness Ten Levels
You’ll be amazed at how little other people can actually do for themselves. You caught your meat for the week, changed a flat tire, and shoveled eleven miles of snow. And that was before breakfast.
Meanwhile, everyone else is still in line at Starbucks.
5. At Least Spring Is Actually Spring-Like In Other Places
Let’s face it, spring is just a big, cruel joke in Montana. (But when the weather finally does thaw out, it’s glorious!) The warmer springs elsewhere are a pretty good selling point, I admit.
6. What Does A Montanan Have To Do To Find Some Decent Bison Around Here?
Where’s all the good meat?! Gone are the days of bison pot stickers at Montana Ale House for lunch and bison meatballs for dinner at Haskill’s.
7. And Finding Elk Will Be Even Harder
What’s with all this ground beef everywhere? Does that actually say “Grade D?!”
8. But At Least They Don’t Hold Up Traffic
Because you know what holds up traffic outside of Montana? Other cars. A heaping mess of them.
9. In The Immortal Words Of Jim Morrison, People Are Strange
People just aren’t generally as nice overall as they are in Montana.
Sure, you can find plenty of nice people – but en masse, it’s almost always a wash.
10. Montanans Have To Check Their Freedom At The Door
Giving up your status as a Montanan doesn’t come without consequences. There is much more of a feeling of “Big Brother” outside of the state.
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11. National Parks Will Be Unimpressive
After you’ve lived with Glacier National Park in your backyard, nothing even comes close.
12. And Mountains? YAWN.
Frame that picture and hang it on your wall because that’s about as close as you’ll get to Montana scenery in other states.
13. Objects In Rear View Mirror Are Much More Boring Than They Appear
There’s nothing keeping you on your toes out there except for speed traps and the occasional carjacking.
14. There’s A Lower Chance Of Being Swallowed Up By A Pothole
Hit a pothole in Montana lately? Probably not if you’re alive to tell the tale.
15. When You Find A Fellow Montanan, You’ll Feel Like Best Friends
What? That’s just a rental car? IMPOSTER! How dare you.
But when you find a real Montanan, there may possibly be no stronger bond.
16. The Sky Is Just Different
The clear blues, clean air, and big, bright stars are a luxury you’ve undoubtedly taken for granted but once you leave, you’ll miss it. A lot.
17. Alone Time Is Harder Time Come By
Long stretches of road like you have in Montana are few and far between. And you probably don’t realize how great it can be until it’s gone.
18. Thinking About Leaving The Car Running While You Grab Something In The Store?
Don’t.
19. A Good Slice Of Huckleberry Pie Is Hard To Find
Don’t like blueberry? Tough luck, kid. Montana was your huckleberry. Consider everywhere else just one big blueberry.
20. People Outside Of Montana Think They Know “The Best Sandwich Ever”
But it won’t be from The Pickle Barrel so you will immediately know that they’re lying.
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21. People Will Be Amazed At How Well Montanans Adapt To Civilization
People have some wild misconceptions about Montana life. They basically think you are perpetually camping.
22. The Hannah Jokes Might Never End
Blablabla … Hannah Montana… Blablabla … Best of both worlds… It’s not even relevant and yet, the joke lives.
23. Montanans Have To Ease That Foot Off The Gas Pedal
Driving fast is just the way it’s done in Montana. But everywhere else, it’ll land you with a pretty costly ticket.
24. But They Have To Speed Up At The Same Time
Montanans get their stuff done while being laid back. Across the border awaits a rushed chaos that will leave your head spinning.
25. The One Finger Wave Might Get You A Different Finger Back
Have you gotten used to waving up your finger at the car that’s passing you? Outsiders are not used to smiling, saying hi, or waving to strangers. You can’t match the friendliness of a Montanan.
26. You Can Take The Person Out Of Montana…
…You know the rest.
27. Last Chance… Don’t Blow It!
Turn around while you still can! There’s still time!
But even if you do leave, at least you know that you can always come back home to Montana.
What do you miss about Montana? Tell us in the comments below!
