1. The Worst Day Of School Could Be Saved By One Of These Guys
Nothing is more beautiful than a scotcheroo during class. In elementary school, kids looked forward to classmates’ birthdays and the treats that would hopefully be served.
By high school, everyone invented reasons to bring snacks: birthdays, holidays, presentations, completed tests, days leading up to midterms, days leading up to finals, Fridays, etc. However, one thing remained constant over the years: the scotcheroo’s steadfast place atop the class time treat hierarchy.
As soon as a pan of the chocolate-covered peanut butter Rice Krispy Treats made its way through the classroom door, learning became impossible.
2. Prom Is Basically Like The Oscars
Depending on where you are in Iowa, it’s called either “prom walk-in” or the “grand march,” and it’s where Hollywood red carpet meets small town Iowa.
Forget the awkward moment when your mom snaps a picture of you and your prom date just after you accidentally stab him with the pin from his boutonniere. In Iowa, the whole town is invited.
High school students arrive to the prom in style, in everything from limousines to tractors, while residents line the sidewalks, cameras ready. After parking, the couples are usually announced over a loudspeaker before walking in, while friends and family snap photos from the sidelines.
3. Everyone Counts Down The Days To R-A-G-B-R-A-I
The Register’s Annual Great Bicycle Ride Across Iowa is the world’s largest and oldest bike touring event in the world. But to Iowans, RAGBRAI (pronounced Rag-bry, for you obviously non-Iowans) also means one of the summer’s best parties.
As riders head from the west to the east, the RVs and buses carrying their stuff make the trek too, adding a bit of a caravan-like atmosphere.
Citizens in towns along the way open up their homes, yards and public showers for the bikers, and all while grocery stores along the route see sales of energy bars and alcohol rise.
4. The Presidential Election Practically Hinges On What Iowa Thinks
Would you like the next president of the United States to kiss your baby? Come hang out in Iowa for the beginning of caucus season and you’ll get your chance.
Iowans love being in the spotlight for their first-in-the-nation caucuses, and are used to asking tough questions and trying to get straight answers from our presidential hopefuls, either at a speech in the town square or from across the booth at Pizza Ranch.
And if there are any politicians reading this, here’s a hint: “Regular” people don’t seek out a guy wearing a John Deere hat for a photo op, all while calling the guy an “average Joe” or “my farmer friend” and offering to buy him a beer.
Rest assured that the man is politely chuckling at you, not with you.
5. Facebook Is 90 Percent Trash Talk Leading Up To The Iowa-Iowa State Game
Iowans are passionate about two things: the Iowa State Cyclones and the Iowa Hawkeyes.
The schools make up one of the best in-state rivalries in the country, and go head-to-head in many sports. Football, however, is the sport that causes emotions to run the most high and the Iowa-Iowa State football game (officially named the Iowa Corn CyHawk Series, but no one calls it that) is when the rivalry really heats up.
Iowans are generally born into Hawkeye or Cyclone families, and this devout dedication to one team or the other has been known to divide parents and children, marriages, friendships and plenty of Facebook feeds.
6. People Who Think Iowans Can’t Tell When You’re Making Fun Of Them Are So Wrong
Non-Iowan: Wow, there are nothing but cornfields here, and looks like something else too. Hey look – there’s a guy selling corn out of his truck by that next intersection. Lock your doors!
(Translation: This is a boring fly-over state with nothing worth seeing or doing. That guy looks so gross; who would ever want to eat anything out of someone’s truck? What a bunch of dumb hicks!)
Iowans know when they’re being talked down to (it’s not that hard to tell), and don’t care for it. However, they’d love for you to stay and visit awhile and they’ll point you to all the best places to eat and visit along your way.
Also, if you know what’s good for you you’ll buy corn from that guy on the side of the road. Fresh Iowa sweet corn with butter, salt and pepper is the greatest thing on earth.
7. Pigs Actually Outnumber People, And Iowans Love It
Speaking of agriculture, Iowa is the No. 1 hog-producing state in the country. There are just over 3 million residents in the state, but more than 20 million hogs. Seriously.
But you won’t find all those pigs foraging in back yards with the family dog or taking the bus to work. Most of them are raised indoors on large-scale farms, and you may smell them when you’re driving or when the wind shifts.
Hog confinements are a hot button issue, but that doesn’t stop Iowans from loving their pork products. Tickets to the Blue Ribbon Bacon Festival (think beer and bacon, so basically awesome) in Des Moines sell out in minutes, and it’s so popular it spawned a similar festival in Iceland.
The state also crowns a Bacon Queen, a Pork Queen and a Pork Princess, because the other white meat is just so special it deserves royalty.
8. Finish This Sentence: “Where There’s A Helpful Smile…”
Easy, right?
The south has Piggly Wiggly, the west has Safeway, and Iowa (and its neighbors nearby) has Hy-Vee. In Iowa, Hy-Vees are everywhere, and Iowans would be lying if they said they never dreamed about being one of the smiling faces on the side of a Hy-Vee semi.
If you ever meet a girl from Iowa who knows how to tie a tie, there’s a pretty good chance she once worked at Hy-Vee. And if you ask her, she’ll tell you that there’s “a helpful smile in every aisle.”
9. High School Means Field Parties
Ah, field parties. They’re part of every rural and small town Iowa kid’s youth.
Sometimes there’s a campfire, but usually the only way to see is by flashlight or the light of a cell phone. The darkness and likelihood of the party getting busted is also the cause of many torn pants and barbed wire scars.
And when your friend has to get dental work because he fell, try to wait to tell his parents that he actually chipped his tooth on a 40 at a field party until you’re all in your 30s.
10. Everyone Makes The Pilgrimage To Des Moines At Some Point
The Iowa State Fair is one of the largest state fairs in the country, and was even listed in the best selling travel book “1,000 Places to See Before You Die.” So, whether they’re showing an animal, a piece of art, a pie, a pumpkin, or are there to just eat fried foods, catch a show and meet Sen. Chuck Grassley, Iowans head to the fair in droves every August.
Iowans are also proud of the Drake Relays, one of the top track and field events in the country. Iowans from across the state come to see their local state qualifying track stars compete, as well as to watch national champs and even Olympic contenders battle their ways to the finish line.
