1. The Last Time An Alabamian Found A Southern Joke Funny Was Two Years Ago Never
Heard any good “yo’ mama” jokes lately? No? That’s probably because they’re just as tired as Southerner jokes. Everyone in Alabama knows outsiders think they’re slow, racist, uneducated hillbillies. Let them come down here and say it. Otherwise, keep it up north.
2. Just Because You Know The Words To “Sweet Home Alabama” Doesn’t Mean Anyone Wants To Hear You Sing It
Yes, everyone knows the words to “Sweet Home Alabama”. Some people love the song, some couldn’t care less. But seriously, don’t start singing it to someone when you learn they’re from Alabama. Talk about slow…
3. It’s Not A Shore If It’s Not The Gulf
Alabama might not have the biggest coast line around but what they do have is as gorgeous as it gets.
4. Alabamans Know That A World Without NASA Is No World At All
So stop defunding NASA and space programs, please. As a side note, it’s kind of ridiculous to make stupid hillbilly jokes about a state that has Rocket City, don’t you think?
5. Frowns That Won’t Go Upside Down Should Leave Town
Alabama is the land of honest, good, and genuinely nice people. So check your attitudes in Florida.
6. And If You Disagree, Bless Your Heart
Alabamians might be friendly, polite, and nice but they have also mastered the art of passive aggression. If someone says “bless your heart” to you, they’re not blessing you. Trust me.
7. Spend Mardi Gras In New Orleans? Bless Your Heart
New Orleans might be known for Mardi Gras but it started right here in Montgomery. No real Alabamian needs to travel out of state to have the best, beaded time.
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8. Running Out Of Moon Pies At Mardi Gras Is Just Poor Planning
Just kidding. No one in Alabama would ever run out of MoonPies. The question is, what’s your favorite flavor?
9. People Who Don’t Use Ranch As A Condiment Don’t Know Good Cuisine
Alabamians are proof that Ranch goes with literally everything. Salad? Of course. Chicken? Duh. Grilled cheese? Don’t knock it ‘til you try it! Not having it on hand in restaurants or at parties is just unacceptable.
10. Not Every Alabaman Feels Like Answering Your Questions About “The Help”
Although it’s a good book and it might be hard to believe, The Help isn’t a true story and not everyone has even read it. I know, shocking.
11. Desserts That Get All Fancy? Nah
Popsicles are still how it’s done in Alabama. And not that gross sugar-flavored ice sticks. We’re talking real popsicles.
12. You Can Keep Your Peaches, Georgia
They might be good and all. But the peaches in Chilton County are 100 times better. No, really.
13. Making Plans On Game Day Isn’t The Best Idea
Football really is as big as religion in Alabama. Everyone might not follow it but most do and the state all but revolves around games. So, that wedding you planning on having? Just make sure it doesn’t fall on game day if you were expecting any guests to show up.
14. Explaining The Difference Between War Eagle And Roll Tide Could Take All Year
But for this one, Alabamians will make an exception by squeezing the time in for. They’ll be happy to let you know why the Roll Tide or War Eagle and why you should, too.
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15. Alabamians Don’t Need To Defend Their Reactions To Snow
Another thing Alabama takes heat for is their reactions to snow when it actually arrives. But it’s not exactly weird that most people aren’t prepared for snow considering that Alabama doesn’t spend the winter getting buried in it like up north does. If it snows, yes, everyone kind of sucks at driving. And they’re completely okay with that. It’s a good trade-off to dodging those Boston winters.
16. Getting Sprayed By A Skunk On The Way To The Pig
No matter where in Alabama you live, there are just some universal truths. And one is that skunk sprays always happen at the most inconvenient times. Not that there is a convenient time for it, mind you. The smell really never gets any better.
17. Grandma Won’t Be Handing Over Her Cat Head Biscuit Recipe Any Time Soon
What’s a cat head biscuit, you ask? Don’t worry, they’re not made from actual cat heads. Or maybe they are, you’ll never really know until you get your hands on that recipe…
18. You Don’t Need To Know What’s In The Gravy Sausage
Don’t ask. Just enjoy.
19. When The Bug Spray Is Out, The Night Is Over
It’s strange that so many people spend their time looking for Bigfoot when the mosquitos of Alabama are roaming around right out in the open. They’re way scarier and often times even bigger.
20. No, Alabamians Aren’t Saying Buggy Wrong
“Shopping cart?” Who has time for all that? It’s a buggy, get it right!
21. No One Says “You All”
It’s y’all. Straight and to the point.
22. The Alabama Accent (Or Lack Thereof) Definitely Keeps Everyone On Their Toes
Alabamians might say y’all as a general rule, but that doesn’t mean everyone has the stereotypical accent. Some have it strong, some only have it a little bit, and some don’t have it at all. So there’s no need to be surprised or ask about it.
23. Defending Southern Pride Gets Tiresome For Everyone
Alabama is an awesome state and the people here loyal to their heritage. Has it always done things the right way? No and most people would agree. But that doesn’t mean that Alabamians can’t be happy to call this their home. This is where the skies are so blue, after all.
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