1. No One In Kansas Will Laugh At Your "Wizard Of Oz" Jokes
Source: Oz Museum Facebook
Toto is to Kansas what Tito was to the Jackson 5: A constant source of jokes. But no one in Kansas finds them funny. No offense or anything, they’ve just heard them all, in every variety.
But just because Kansans won’t laugh at your jokes doesn’t mean they’re willing to let “The Wizard of Oz” go. What would they do with that awesome Oz Museum? And those award-winning wines from Oz Winery with names like Run Toto Run and Witch In A Ditch?
2. Every Kansan Lives, Breathes And Cries With The Jayhawks
Source: CBS Sports
March is most definitely full of madness in Kansas City. They love the Kansas State Wildcats, but KU loyalists run rampant, sporting their blue and red and talking smack to anyone who dares to pledge their allegiance to Missouri.
At a recent game, the cameras focused on a young boy crying after his beloved team took a loss to Stanford—sending fellow KU fans to Twitter with a wave of empathy to let him know that while there might not be crying in baseball, basketball is serious business.
So let all those #jayhawktears out.
3. Everyone In KCK Has A KCMO Superiority Complex
Source: Flickr user daveandlolo
It was the best of times, it was the worst of times in the tale of two Kansas Cities, separated by nothing more than a state border and a very mutual disdain.
One (the better one, Kansans will have you know) is west of the river. The other is in the far inferior state of Missouri on the east side of the river. The rivalry is kind of like living in a real life "West Side Story," just without all the dancing and pompadours.
The tension is said to date back all the way to the days of the Civil War. It’s not exactly old business, but these days KCMO looks down their nose at KCK for being less “urban” and “progressive” than they are. Whatever.
4. Kansans Put All The “Red” In The Red, White And Blue
Politics might have gone off the rails of the crazy train in recent years, but Kansans are proud of their strong conservative roots and history. They’re more than happy to tell you about their ties with Dwight Eisenhower, who they just call “Ike.”
And did someone mention Bob Dole? Well, pull up a seat because you’re about to hear all about him.
5. Forget Texas—Everything's Bigger In Kansas
Source: Papa Bob’s BBQ Facebook
The people in Kansas do everything big. Maybe it’s those huge hearts and that massive amount of love for their teams, but something makes Kansans want to make everything else around them just as large.
Along with the largest ball of twine and the biggest prairie dog statue in the country, the food in Kansas is of truly monumental proportions.
A 75 oz. sirloin steak, a 26” pizza, a barbecue sandwich around the size of a small child—there's no mistaking that Kansans have a BIG appetite, for everything.
6. Everyone In Kansas Thinks They Own Superman
Man of Steel Facebook
Superman hails from Smallville, a fictional but classically rural town in Kansas. The comics never specifically mention where in Kansas the Man of Steel is from, so there’s a LOT of debate on the subject.
However, a few clues have led many nerdy Kansans to believe that Smallville is in the south-central area. So the people in the similarly located town of Hutchinson decided to go ahead and stake their claim on the world’s most famous superhero.
But Kansans in other towns don’t give up so easily and still claim they’re the real Smallville. Guess we’ll have to wait until Clark Kent releases his full-length birth certificate (and we know how long that can take in this country).
7. Every Kansan Can Parallel Park A Tractor
Source: Flickr user Michael Krueger
Pickup trucks, utility tractors, ride-on mowers, motorbikes and ATV’s are all used as regular means of transportation in Kansas. They don’t really know the words “hybrid” or “sedan.”
Four wheeling in a blizzard? Don’t mind if I do. Take your date to prom in your tractor? Sure, why not? Hey, there’s a stroller. Maybe we can put a motor on it! Extra points if you can parallel park any of the above.
When you’ve got all that land, it only makes sense to use it. Whether it’s a utility tractor or a mower, everyone in Kansas has a John Deere that they ride nearly as much as their personal vehicles.
8. Everyone In Kansas Knows Their Food Better Than Their Family
Source: Flickr user One Day Closer
The state song of Kansas isn’t “Home On The Range” for no reason. Much of the state (especially west Kansas) is all farmland.
If they didn’t grow up on a farm themselves, everyone in Kansas knows someone who did, and most are on a first-name basis with their local farmers. They might even know their meat personally. Like, as in they know what its name was back when it was walking around.
So there’s no wonder that Kansans always say: “If you’re eating three meals today, thank a farmer!”
9. Kansans Are All Uncomfortably Nice...
Source: Flickr user dustjelly
Being dead center of the country makes Kansas “The Heartland” in a geographic sense. But what truly earns the state this moniker is the fact that Kansans are friendlier than any other state from one coast to the other.
They will lend you their snow blower in a blizzard, help you round up your chickens if they get loose, leave fresh veggies on your porch “just because,” and will check on you when you’re sick.
Kansans will always have your back. That is, almost always...
10. ... Until You Call Their Home State Boring
Source: Flickr user ianmunroe
If you’re ever driving through Kansas bring a lot of coffee because, despite its beauty, it’s flat. Like, really flat.
But if you point out this fact to someone from Kansas City or Wichita, they’re going to fight back hard that you don’t know what you’re talking about and there’s nothing flat about Kansas. Hey, there’s a cluster of buildings over there, and that one really cool sledding hill over and all.
In all fairness, they'd have to suddenly discover a mountain taller than Everest to really get outsiders to ever stop thinking that it’s is so flat. So just get over it.