The author's posts are entirely his or her own and may not always reflect the views of Movoto.
1. If You're In Your Late 20s, You Better Have A Couple of Kids, Or At Least One On the Way
OK, it's not like it's a requirement by law (yet)-but if you do somehow make it to your late 20s without having married your high school sweetheart and popped out a couple of little Indianapolitans, you will be inundated with a lot of patronizing (if well-meaning) platitudes like "well, he's out there!" or "do you think she's the one?"
God forbid you make it to 35 still single and childless, well, they just shoot you.
2. Everyone In Indianapolis Is Still Friends with the Same People They Knew In Middle School
One of the nice things about growing up in the Midwest is the fact that those kids that you ran around with in middle school, if not elementary, will stick around for the rest of your days.
They'll be the bridal party at your wedding (just a couple of years out of high school, but still); they'll see your kids grow up; and one day, they'll probably be their Godparents or at least that cool aunt or uncle who talks to them about things like not smoking drugs.
This can be a beautiful, almost familial friendship. Just choose wisely, is all I'm saying.
3. People From Indianapolis Still Love the Dave Matthews Band
If Portland is the portal to the '90s alternative scene
, Indianapolis is like stepping back into the...uh.. not-so-alternative '90s scene, as in the polos and loafers scene.
It is a magical land where the Dave Matthews Band still reigns, collars are popped, and "Crash into Me" is still the go-to song for smooching your sweetie under the stars at the Holcomb Observatory.
4. Indianapolitans Grew Up Playing Basketball, Watching Basketball, Breathing Basketball. It's Kind Of A Big Deal
Source: Indiana Pacers Memes Facebook page
If you didn't play basketball in high school or college, you at least played when you were a kid while secretly wearing your Pacers underpants, and dreamed of one day growing up to be Reggie Miller.
Today, your underpants might be a few sizes larger, but they still probably say Pacers on the band, and now, you not-so-secretly want to grow up to be Paul George.
5. Love The Colts Or G.T.F.O.
The Colts are big deal in Indianapolis like music is to Austin, or, you know, like a firstborn child is to a mother.
"Love" may not be a strong enough word and "obsession" may be too strong...
No, actually that's about right.
6. Tom Brady Makes You Want To Throw Up In Your Mouth
Sure, everybody hates Tom Brady, right? I mean, he's gorgeous, he gets paid your entire salary in two hours, he is married to Gisele, and he is certainly better at football than most people are at, well, anything.
But Indianapolis hates Tom Brady on a whole different level. Not only do they hate him for all those things, but he is also the smug mug they zero in on every time the Patriots beat the Colts--which, unfortunately, has been more often than not of late. Whatever.
7. When You Walk Down 38th Street You--Wait, What are you Doing Walking Down 38th Street? Are You Crazy?
It should give you an indication of what kind of area 38th street is, when you Google it and the first results are "Victim in 38th street shooting identified," "Crime Map," and, of course, "IHOP," because what kind of messed up neighborhood wouldn't have an IHOP?
Another result (a bit further down), is "38th street rehabilitation project," in which they describe the improvements that are, slowly but surely, being made to the area.
But never fear, Indianapolis; you'll still have the whole East Side to avoid.
8. For People From Indianapolis, The Mall Is Not Just Where You Shop--It's A Second Home
We can't really fault you for this one; after all, your city is one of the worst in the country for bitter winters, according to the "Old Farmer's Almanac". But we can marvel at the sheer sub-culture that is an Indianapolis mall.
There are, of course, the people there simply for the shopping, taking their time moving from store to store, so as to avoid going outside ever again; but then there are those who have no interest in spending money. Kids hanging out after school, parents hanging out during school, people window shopping, hanging out at the food court, and of course, the mall walkers
-a different breed of mall rat entirely.
Don't worry, they won't harm you. Just don't get in their way.
9. It's Barely 55 Degrees, So Of Course Everyone In Indy Is Wearing Shorts
I remember several years ago when my best friend went to Purdue and did an internship in Indianapolis. As soon as spring sprung, meaning temperatures were at least out of the 40s, she was amazed by Indianapolitans' sheer determination to wear shorts.
Sure, they wore them with a pair of Uggs, but no matter how chilly or miserable they seemed, after that bitter winter, if there was sun, there would be shorts, dammit.
10. If You Don't Have a Boat on Geist Reservoir, You Make It Your Business To Know Someone Who Does
A couple of months after the shorts come out, something truly magical happens in Indianapolis: Summer
Despite their cold ass winters, Indianapolis actually has very warm summers, and if you're not spending those hot days out on Geist Reservoir wakeboarding, tubing, or just soaking up the sun, what are you doing?