1. Planning Around The Rain
When the sky just decides to randomly spit at you for a few hours a day almost every month of the year, you don’t tend to plan a lot of outdoor weddings. But you also don’t let a few drops stop you from going out.
2. Or Carrying A Useless Umbrella
It’s basically the equivalent of writing TOURIST on your forehead in big letters. Pass.
3. Drinking Mediocre Coffee
Okay, yeah, Starbucks was invented in Seattle. But so did Espresso Vivace, Storyville, and Analog Coffee so…
4. Californian Transplants
Is it because they can’t drive, or because they hike up the rent? Both, of course.
5. Any Beer You Could Buy In A Midwest Convenience Store
If you get caught drinking Miller Light in Seattle, you will be exiled.
6. Hot Dogs Without The Most Essential Ingredient
A hot dog without cream cheese is like…Twin Peaks without David Lynch (ouch, that’s still fresh).
7. Anyone Or Anything From Portland
Portland is basically just the Jan Brady of cities, and Seattleites have way more things to worry about than their wannabe-cool little sister. Yeah, everyone gets it. You’re so weird…great.
8. Actually Visiting The Space Needle
Eh…yeah…it’s there. Everyone sees it every day. That’s pretty much enough for Seattleites.
When people come to town, we’re excited to see our out-of-towner loved ones, sure. But, ugh, it means another trip to the Space Needle could be lurking around the corner.
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9. Your Dumb Seattle Hipster Jokes
It’s not that Seattle is full of hipsters. It’s just that Seattle is full of people who are actually cool (the people hipsters try and fail to copy).
10. Getting Busted For Jaywalking
Nope, just going to stand here and wait for the light to turn. Don’t really feel like giving away $56 today.
11. Worrying About Mount Rainier
Is there really any use in worrying about some kind of Pompeii situation? No. Plus, it’s really pretty which kind of lulls one into a false sense of security.
12. Wearing Anything More Formal Than Fleece
Jeans? Appropriate wedding wear. Fleece jacket? Totally work appropriate. Basically as long as it looks like you could go camping on the spot, you’re good to go.
13. Any Kind Of Snow That Doesn’t Involve Skiing
Seattleites just prefer to plan their interactions with snow. There’s nothing wrong with that. It’s just that when they don’t plan on encountering snow, everything tends to shut down.
14. Any Giggling About The Name Dick’s
Yes, they just said they were going to “grab a bag of Dick’s” on their way home. You can stop giggling like an eighth grader now.
15. Having A Million New Best Friends
Seattle Freeze? More like Seattleites don’t have the time to get to know every random transplant who shows up on their doorstep. Calm down. If they have anything in common with you, you’ll be friends.
16. Boring Theme Parks Like SeaWorld
Why go to SeaWorld when you can just see orcas in their natural habitat? Plus, have you seen Blackfish? (Spoiler alert: you’ll totally cry).
17. The Traitorous Oklahoma City Thunder
Seattleites really don’t have time to follow the former Seattle SuperSonics. They’re now the Oklahoma City Thunder and they’re basically dead to this city.
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18. Lunch Spots Without Teriyaki In Their Name
Good thing there are about fifty billion (not an actual statistic) to choose from.
19. Buying A New iPhone Every Two Months
When you live in the land of Microsoft, all that pressure to buy whatever new iPhone came out this month is off. That’s what Seattleites know as the feeling of sweet, beautiful freedom.
20. Overplayed Top 40 Songs
There’s no reason to listen to Blank Space so many times that you start to understand the actual lyrics instead of just “lonely Starbucks lovers” when you can turn the dial to 90.3 KEXP.
21. Anyone Who Doesn’t Appreciate Nirvana
You don’t have to love Nirvana, but just objectively admit they started a whole new genre and Seattle had a huge part in that. Deal?
22. Buying Clothing At Full Price
Is Macklemore cool? No. Is Seattle thrifting totally awesome, though? You bet. There is a reason Thrift Shop was filmed in this city.
23. Subpar Salmon
Seattleites really do not have time for frozen Salmon, especially when they could literally go out and catch fresh Salmon in the same time it would take to defrost. No, that doesn’t mean everyone here is a fisherman but it DOES mean we know the good stuff.
24. Sorting Out All Those Canadian Pennies
And nickels. And dimes. At some point you just realize you have more Canadian change in your pocket than American change.
25. Saying The Full Name Of Anything
Pike Place Market becomes The Market. Capitol Hill becomes The Hill. The Space Needle becomes The Needle. Because who has time for all those extra words? Not us.
Did we miss anything? Tell us the biggest waste of someone from Seattle’s time in the comments below!
