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24 Things No One In St. Louis Has Time For

If the custard isn't concrete and the pizza doesn’t have Povel, you know two things no one in St. Louis has time for.

Erica Zane

Writer & Peace Enthusiast

30 articles, 0 comments

1. Cardinals Haters

The St. Louis Cardinals mascot

Source: St. Louis Cardinals via Facebook

The St. Louis Cardinals are more than a sports team. They’re a way of life. So if you’re gonna hate on the Cardinals, don’t expect a St. Louisan to make time for you.

2. Custard That’s Not “Concrete”

Chocolate covered pretzels from Ted Drewes

Source: Ted Drewes Inc via Facebook

Never waste a St. Louisan’s time with custard that’s not from Ted Drewes. Ted Drewes’ frozen custard, known well for its praise from the famous Bobby Flay, is often called “Concrete” because if you put a spoon in the custard it won’t fall out (even if the cup is turned upside down!). If you can’t turn your custard upside down, it’s not worth the time of day.

3. Cake That’s Not Buttery

Butter cake

Source: St. Louis Gooey Butter via Facebook

Butter Cake in St. Louis is out of this world. The buttery sweetness will melt your taste buds with every bite. So don’t be surprised if a St. Louisan doesn’t want to waste time with your boring cake.

4. Storm Cellars

Lighting strike at the St Louis arch

Source: YouTube

St. Louisans are used to tornado warnings and giant thunderstorms, so they generally don’t panic. Who wants to waste their time panicking when you could sit back on your porch and enjoy the show?

5. Ravioli That’s Anything But Deep Fried

Toasted ravioli

Source: Flickr user Joel Kramer

Why—and I  mean why—would anyone not deep fry their ravioli? There is no logical answer to that question. Ravioli should be deep fried and if it’s not, it’s a waste of time.

6. And Pizza Without Extra Provel Is No Good Either

A pizza with Provel

Source: Pizzeoli via Facebook

If you give a St. Louisan pizza with mozzarella, they’re probably going to look at you funny. It’s extra Provel, or it’s nothing at all.

7. Potato Chips That Aren’t Red Hot Riplets

Red Hot Riplets chips

Source: Old Vienna via Facebook

While other people waste their time eating boring potato chips, St. Louisans get to have red hot riplets. All other chips are forever ruined because they’re always just a waste of time if they’re not Riplets.

8. Barbeque Without Pork Steak

Barbeque pork steak

Source: Flickr user dherholz

If you invite a St. Louisan to a barbeque, you better serve some pork steak. What even is BBQ without that delicious, mouth watering pork steak?


9. People Who Don’t Know How To be Generous

A family at a boardwalk

Source: Explore St. Louis via Facebook

St. Louis has consistently been rated one of the most generous cities in the United States. So if you’re gonna be stingy, rude, or non-charitable, chances are St. Louisans won’t make time for you.

10. Mardi Gras Anywhere But St. Louis

A crowd of people at a Mardi Gras celebration

Source: Soulard Mardi Gras via Facebook

St. Louisans get really offended when you tell them you’re going to go waste your time in New Orleans for Mardi Gras. Everyone in St. Louis knows the best Mardi Gras celebration is right here in St. Louis: the Soulard Mardi Gras.

11. Soda That’s Not Fitz’s

Fitz's sodas

Source: Fitz’s via Facebook

Everyone in St. Louis knows that Fitz’s is the only place to get a soda. Forget Coca Cola and Pepsi, it’s Fitz’s that every St. Louisan grew up with. Hand a St. Louisan a Coke, and you’ve wasted their time.

12. And Root Beer Floats Without Fitz’s Root Beer

A rootbeer float

Source: Fitz’s via Facebook

Speaking of Fitz’s, if you try to serve a St. Louisan a Root Beer Float which any other soda besides Fitz’s Root Beer, it’s not gonna fly. St. Louisans are serious about their root beer floats, and they’re serious about Fitz.

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13. Amusement Parks That Aren’t Six Flags

A rollercoaster

Source: Six Flags St. Louis

Everyone in St. Louis grows up going to Six Flags and there’s just no doubt in any St. Louisan’s mind that an amusement park that’s not St. Louis Six Flags isn’t much of an amusement park at all.

14. People Who Call It “Panera Bread”

St Louis Bread Co sign

Source: Flickr user Puroticorico

It’s St. Louis Bread Co. Get it Straight.

15. Bad Music

A crowd of people at an outdoor event

Source: Explore St. Louis via Facebook

St. Louisans are spoiled with an awesome music scene. They have Bluesweek, the Grammy Award Winning St. Louis Symphony Orchestra, famous hip hop artists like Nelly, and country musicians like Sheryl Crow. So St. Louisans sure as heck don’t have time for subpar music.

16. People Who Complain About The Cold

A woman in the snow

Source: Flickr user David Wilson

Newsflash: it snows a lot in St. Louis. The cold is brutal at times, but St. Louisans aren’t phased by it. In fact, they’re total snow bunnies. So don’t waste their time complaining about your frost bite. Just wear warmer clothes. Duh.


17. Boring Museums

An exhibit at a museum

Source: City Museum via Facebook

The City Museum in St. Louis will literally blow anyone’s mind. It’s the definition of exploratory learning. One visit, and you’ll see why St. Louisans don’t waste time at borning, non-interactive museums.

18. Partypoopers

A group of people at a bar

Source: subzerovodkabar via Facebook

In St. Louis, people like to party. There are concerts and events all of the time, and—best of all—bars never close before 3 a.m.. If you’re one of those people that ducks out of the party early, St. Louis is not the place for you.

19. Malts From Anywhere But Crown Candy

A bride and groom share a malt

Source: Crown Candy Kitchen via Facebook

There is nothing better than a chocolate malt from Crown Candy. People elsewhere will force you to try their malts and promise you they’re the best in the world, but you know you’ll be sadly disappointed. If it’s not Crown Candy, it’s a waste of time.

20. St. Louisans Who Don’t Share Their Same High School Alma Mater

Graduates

Source: Affton High School via Facebook

In St. Louis, what high school you go to totally matters and it’s a question that follows you throughout your life. If you don’t share the same alma mater as another St. Louisan, you might not make that much time for each other.

21. Skeptics Of The Paranormal

A frozen fountain

Source: Lemp Mansion via Facebook

St. Louisans are all about their ghost stories: and they have plenty of reason to be. If you don’t believe me, try hanging out at Lemp Mansion.

22. Boring Apartments

A row of houses

Source: Explore St. Louis via Facebook

All apartments have hardwood floors, crown-molding, and incredible views of cities, right? Wrong. Unfortunately, some people waste time living in apartments that weren’t built in St. Louis. With its gorgeous architecture and unique designs, why would anyone live anywhere but St. Louis? We don’t know.

23. People Who Don’t Take Time To Enjoy Life

A gazebo and a lake in a park

Source: Explore St. Louis via Facebook

In St. Louis, there is a slower pace of life and people take pride in that. You’ve gtta know how to stop and the smell the deep fried ravioli in this city, or else you’re just not really living life.

24. St. Louis Haters

Fireworks

Source: Flickr user philera

If you’re gonna hate on the best city in the world, St. Louisans are gonna hate on you. There’s just zero time for hating when St. Louisans have so much love, beauty, generosity, good food, and kindness to offer.

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posted on: July 30, 2015
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