If you want the Internet to amuse you for hours on end, there’s just one word you have to search–bacon.
The cured pig meat, salted and cooked to perfection, has employees at Movoto Real Estate drooling at the sight of any and all bacon art. We’re equally obsessed with the amusing (a bacon nativity scene) and the bizarre (bacon roses, anyone?).
Long story short, we love a good bacon creation—edible or not. Which is why we decided to build a house out of the stuff. Turns out it would take quite a bit of crunchy pork strips–182,888 pieces.
Read on to find out how much it would cost and the numbers of oinkers needed to make all that bacon.
What Can’t You Make With Bacon?
Nothing–at least that’s our answer. Some of our favorite bacon concoctions include a bacon AK-47, a bacon bra, even a bacon blow torch (apparently the crispy treat has enough energy within it to melt metal).
One creation we couldn’t seem to find–a bacon house–just happens to be right up our alley. Immediately we began asking the obligatory questions:
- How much bacon would it take to build a house?
- What would be the cost of all that bacon?
- How would we protect our tasty concoction from hungry passersby?
In all truth, in 2010 a group of scientists from New York University created a prototype of a bacon house grown from pig cells. They called it the In Vitro Meat Habitat.
However, we’re not interested in growing a house or making a scientific discovery. We just want to build our home out of the salty breakfast entrée.
And so the fun begins.
It would be rather difficult to build a home entirely of bacon without a base structure. Since the delectable meat is so thin, you’d have to stack it to make it sturdy enough.
With this in mind, we decided to cover a house frame in bacon rather than build a home entirely from the meat.
The average strip of bacon is six inches long, according to Moerbacon.com. Based on our own experience, we concluded that a typical strip runs about one inch in width.
That gives us the original dimensions for the bacon, but we still haven’t accounted for shrinkage. Assuming that most bacon shrinks when cooked because it’s packed with moisture, we arbitrarily decided that a piece of cooked bacon would shrivel to four and a half inches long and seven-eighths of an inch wide (about two and one-quarter centimeters).
This means a single piece of bacon has a surface area of 3.94 inches.
Then it was time to build our home.
That’s One Crispy House
Because of a previous fascination with gingerbread houses, we already know that the surface area of a typical American house (2,500 square feet) is about 5,004 square feet.
With this number we accounted for cut-outs of a door and two windows.
We needed to calculate how many slices of bacon would fit in a single square foot before finding out our total. Turns out just over 36 and a half strips of bacon are necessary to fill a square foot, or 36.55 pieces to be exact.
Which means that it would take approximately 182,888 strips of bacon to cover our house.
Here, Piggy Piggy
Naturally, our next thoughts were about how many pigs we would need and how much our bacon would cost.
The Baconcyclopedia says that a 200-pound pig can produce about 20 pounds of bacon. First, however, we needed to know how much a single slice of bacon weighs.
Prior to being cooked, a single slice of bacon weighs about two ounces. Considering there are 16 ounces in a pound, eight strips of uncooked bacon are roughly equivalent to a pound.
Now our 20-pounds-per-pig number comes in handy. Knowing this, it would take 1,143 and one-hundredth pigs to get enough bacon to cover our house.
So how much would all of this bacon cost you? (And no, we’re not so nefarious that we were going to tell you the price for the actual pigs.)
The Bureau of Labor Statistics reports that sliced bacon currently runs $4.66 per pound. So all of the bacon needed to cover our home would cost $106,533.
You’ve got to be fully committed to your bacon house to spend more than $106,000 on pungent strips of meat.
What About Turkey Bacon?
An imitation bacon, turkey bacon is commonly used as a low-fat alternative to regular bacon. One significant difference between the two (aside from fat content) is that turkey bacon does not shrink.
This means that the amount of turkey bacon used to cover your home (hey, maybe your house is vegetarian-friendly or on a diet) will differ from regular bacon. Thus, we decided that our original bacon size of one inch by six inches would be an adequate representation of a piece of turkey bacon.
We calculated that we would need 120,096 strips to cover our house in turkey bacon.
Now that you’ve become the king baconator, you want to protect your investment.
Beware Hungry Dogs…And Neighbors
If you give a dog some bacon, it will eat it. Of course. Unless maybe it’s a vegetarian.
This makes protecting your bacon-wrapped house from famished neighbors and pesky passersby incrementally more difficult.
Our solution? A healthy coat (or two) of acrylic sealant after you’ve brought the bacon home–literally–should do the trick.
Unwanted bacon samplers will end up with a mouthful of tasty…resin-coated bacon, and your barking buddy will once again prove useful.
It’s Bacon Time!
We wish you luck on building your bacon house. Make sure to buy a few extra packs–the waft of bacon will surely prove irresistible with so much crunchy goodness in front of your eyes.
Also, you may want to wear your fat pants.
Editor’s Note: We would like to thank our bacon-obsessed co-worker Chris Bernardo for constantly suggesting the tasty meat, leaving us no choice but to figure out a way to work it into our blog.